How do I survive 4 month regression when he just wants boob?

[Torin20]

So my LO is 4 months next week and is definitely going through the sleep regression. This is the 4th night and I feel like I’ve tried everything, my mental health is massively impacted already.

He’s always fallen asleep on the boob and I’ve been able to transfer him to his cot. He might wake up once feeling unsettled but a hand on his chest and some shushing, and he’s fast asleep for the night. Never really needed night feeds past the 1 month mark and would sleep around 8 hours minimum before waking up happy for the morning.

These past few days, everything has been effected- naps, night time etc. He’s waking up every hour or two for the majority of the night, but is especially hard to get him to stay asleep in the beginning.

Wakes up screaming, cries and cries no matter what I do until he gets on the boob. Occasionally he’ll stop for a second when I go to rock him, turns for boob and as soon as he finds my top instead he screams.

I feel like I’ve tried everything, rocking, swaying, partner doing it, pick up put down method, dummy, my tee shirt around the mattress but nothing settles him from screaming apart from boob. He’s getting full feeds during the day and one before bed, our routine hasn’t changed but I’m conscious of forming bad night time habits by constantly having him on a boob.

Im at a loss for ideas. I know it will pass but I don’t know whether allowing him to use me as a dummy to settle is an okay or a really bad idea in the long run.

I can’t co-sleep because I’m (meant to be) on sleeping tablets and my anxiety wouldn’t make it possible. But I’m surviving on 4 hours of broken sleep a day, and most of that is from when my partner does the early morning shift with him before going to work.

Any idea on how to survive this? Or do I just keep doing what I’m doing?

I remember this, it was so bad - I fed back to sleep every time and within two weeks it had all stopped and they were sleeping normally again.. I know others might say you'll create a bad habit etc but in my case it worked out fine, lots of luck xx

Oh and I put straight back into cot each time so kept that routine, couldn't cope with Co sleeping either, would be a mess!

Honestly, I think it's just a matter of riding it out, and trying to accept the current phase for what it is. It may be that it goes back to how it was before, it could be that this will last a while, it could be that a new pattern will emerge afterwards.

Your body will adjust to cope better with terrible sleep - mine slept similar for an entire year (6-18m), and whilst I was exhausted, I was able to function, work etc. Now I'm used to getting around 6 hours (still broken) a night, ones where I only have 3-4 are far more of a struggle. Given how well your baby had been sleeping, its a shock that your body is adapting to.

Sleep is so up and down for years with little ones. Take joy in the phases of good sleep, and for the bad ones, try to remember they won't last forever.

If you're comfortable feeding out of doors, you could try taking him out for a walk in buggy (stopping for a feed if and when necessary) and then coming home when he falls asleep. You can park him next to the sofa and get a bit of a rest yourself.
I found with mine that the fresh air tired them enough for a good nap.
Use cosy blankets while you're out, instead of a sleepsuit, so you can remove it when you come in to keep him from overheating.
If your buggy lays completely flat, it will be fine for a nap.
Other than that, look after yourself in other ways, like eating well and staying hydrated and your milk supply should increase to match him.
He needs those feeds, so there's no reason to delay or try to distract him. If you feed him less often than he needs, he will get frustrated, your supply might suffer and your stress will increase.
If you can't co sleep, then just focus on the night feeds themselves and let your husband bring him to you, change him etc. You might find you can stay half asleep sitting up to feed, then have husband take him away gently to put him back while you get back to sleep.

No bad habit in feeding baby whenever he needs it, day or night. Just don't give a dummy. Your supply will suffer and he will be more hungry and anxious.

Ignore this advice. If your baby needs milk because he's going through a growth spurt or developmental leap and needs the calories, he will not accept a dummy instead. He will insist on the milk.

Persevere with the dummy so that he can use it for comfort sucking. And for now, ride out the regression. Co-sleep if it helps. In two months you'll be weaning and you may we'll find that getting on to solids helps his sleep.

Mine had a dummy from 2 weeks old and it didn't affect a thing. I'm still breastfeeding at 16 months without any issues. Dummies are a godsend.

Thank you so much for sharing that! Honestly such a weight off my shoulders to hear that it can be okay to do it. I tried other methods but it’s so clear that they don’t work for him. Everything is hard with such conflicting accounts. Xx

I think I’ve accepted the case of riding it out, it’s just hard when you know they’re so upset and can only do so much to solve it. But weirdly I’m happy that he’s going through the changes and obviously growing and developing.

Doesnt make it easy, but I’m definitely going to adopting that as a mantra to get through! Luckily my years with insomnia does help, just missing the meds is being stuck between a rock and a hard place. I need the meds to help with PPD but I’m unsafe (risk of falling asleep) when I take them and can’t get enough sleep.

Thank you, it definitely helps when I can sneak it in for the comfort sucking because he does a lot of that. I’m so glad to hear about your success with BF, I’m very conscious on my supply and try my best to maintain it especially throughout the day. Luckily I think I have a bigger supply than he needs so that’s a bit of a positivity!

@Torin20

Your baby wants more breastmilk at the moment because he needs it. Simple as that. You do just have to ride it out. I had months of mine waking every 2-3 hours for milk.

Your supply will be fine but do try him with the dummy each time. Sometimes he'll be happy to comfort suck and go back to sleep and sometimes he'll insist on the milk. He's not daft and he'll tell you what he wants. But if you don't keep trying the dummy then he'll use you for milk and for comfort and that's when you'll be really stuck!

That’s what I’ve been thinking, just struggled when all you see online about it is ‘don’t overfeed’ ‘don’t use feeding to sleep as a way to solve regression’ etc. Thank you again, it’s weirdly easier to listen to others experiences than mindless articles so I really appreciate it.

That’s what I’ve been doing, and going straight to feeding when it doesn’t work. Then once he seems to start comfort sucking, I’m sliding the dummy in as a replacement and putting him back after a quick cuddle.

Your approach sounds perfect. Boob him then swift dummy in.

You can't overfeed a breastfed baby. He knows what he's doing. And so do you x

And also I read an article which said to think about it as a sleep progression, not regression, as what's happening here is they're learning to link sleep cycles so it's a positive step in development, not a going backwards :-)

At 4 months, I got rid of all sleep props, including dummies, white noise and using breast as comfort.

I slept trained for naps, which just meant controlled crying. After baby was fed, nappy changed, and visibily tired I put them down and gave them time to learn to self-soothe, before I soothed (e.g. patting on the bum).

Was incredibly painful for about 10 days. But then baby went from crying for 30mins before napping, to napping within a few mins after being put down. Currently 8.5 months and sleeps from 7pm-5/6am so it worked for the longterm, and 8 month regression hasn't been as painful as other stories I've heard.

That's just my experience, do whatever works best for you.