When to start sleep training?

[HSlant]

Hi, new parent. Daughter not sleeping in moses basket or on her own at all, we're day 5. Have attempted to train her during the day (swaddle cloth, item of clothing with our scent, hand on tummy, soothe and put down), but it's just much easier to go with the flow overnight, but it's going to be hard to sustain once I return to work, and mum has to do more of the night care. I'm not sure if any of the established sleep training techniques are worthwhile at this young age or if we should reserve until later? Some of our group from ANC have had a similar xp from the sounds of it and are trying safe co-sleeping, but I'd rather avoid and just get her in the crib.

Oh darling, you can’t sleep train until after 4m sleep regression! Not wanting to be put down at day 5 is beyond normal. The most normal thing!!! It’s mega hard so I understand your desperation. Everyone goes through it, and if they say they don’t they’re lying.

very soon baby will go in the cot more easily but not without feeding/rocking/comforting for a long time.

tips that helped us both times with my 2 children: heating the bed with a hot water bottle before laying babe down (obviously remove it before putting baby in), a T-shirt with dads smell over the matress pulled tight (not yours!!), white noise machine, rolling a large Muslin into a U and tucking it under the T-shirt, then placing baby’s bum at the bottom of the U, leaving hand on babies tum or patting for a bit.
the first week or so most parents end up taking turns sorting up at night holding baby it’s 100% normal. That’s why there’s paternity leave! My husband stayed up for hours watching films whilst I slept and I’d wake to bf. Daughter is 4m old now and until this fun sleep regression we’re currently in, after about 2 weeks she was only waking twice in the night, and goes down easily.

I’ve never co slept! So understand your reservations there.

read up on the 4th trimester, it’s a real thing!

to reiterate please don’t sleep train your tiny new born, and I say that as someone who did sleep train their child at 9 months.

Depends what you mean.

What you're doing now (the swaddling, soothing, hand on tummy etc) is fine, and @Catsonskis advice is good.
If you're talking about controlled crying you cannot do this on a 5 day old. 6 months old is the youngest you can do something like that.

My nanny friend sleep trains from 12 weeks, if that’s what the parents want. The plan I used was for 5 months plus. I would highly recommend cosleeping at this age.

Oh also both my children HATED swaddling, so try without swaddling incase they hate it and that’s causing them to wake/kick off

Words fail me. What have I just read?
You do not sleep train newborns. Newborns need to be held.
Read about the 4th trimester.
Jesus wept. 5 days old?! What the actual fuck are you expecting?!

You have to lower your expectations for the next 5–7 weeks at least and concentrate on helping one another to get sleep in ways that don’t depend on the baby sleeping. The baby’s sleep isn’t something you can manage with the right inputs, it isn’t a problem to solve.

And obviously sleep training is for six months and upwards, not before

Her sleep is totally, totally normal and there is absolutely no point in trying to 'train' her out of it, I'm surprised people expect their babies to sleep through, I feel we as a society are failing new parents if we aren't preparing them for the realities of life with a baby.

You've got a while to go yet! She's only been in the world 5 days.

I'm afraid that for months yet you'll have to do what everyone does and draw on all your years of sleep pre-children to sustain you. Grab every scrap of sleep you can. You'll look and feel like shit for a good while and then when baby is more robust you can sleep train her. Pick up out down method and controlled crying from 6 months at the absolute earliest. We waited til around 8 or 9 months and stuck firmly with pick up put down, keeping crying to an absolute minimum. 6 months felt far too young.

Sleep training is great, but not until 6 months minimum.
Like PP said look up 4th trimester. Baby needs you all the time now, lots of cuddles and skin to skin. The poor thing has been living in your belly, and it now has to get used to a completely alien world. Imagine how scary that must be for a tiny little baby. I'd suggest joining some mum Facebook groups. Some apps also have chat groups as well.

Definitely NO sleep training at 5 days old.

Both of mine hated their Moses basket but liked their cot bed. Neither of them liked being swaddled at that age it’s just constant feeding really. Mine would go into the cot once they were full but some babies won’t.

Why are you even trying to put her down in the day? Newborns are tiny and want to be in someone's arms! Take it from someone who's had 3 babies - don't try to fight it, it's natural and normal and upsetting everyone just so the baby sleeps where random books and websites tell you she "should" is crazy. I just carried my third around with me constantly until he was crawling - and this was with a toddler and 4yo to look after as well! If you need two hands, try a sling. Cuddle your baby, it's really important!

Just to add, don't co-sleep there is a very real risk of SIDs. It is very normal for a newborn for the first couple of weeks to only want to be held. You'll both want to die, but you'll get through it. Take turns and get any support that you can. Sleep when the baby sleeps is BS, but great if you can do that too. You'll learn to slowly put baby into their bassinet with the precision of a bomb diffuser. Google memes about newborns, I found it helps. Crying alot is normal (for mum!). Good luck

Wondering if maybe OP is in US or similar third world country without maternity leave? Since back to work is mentioned?
In any case, echoing what pp have said. Baby needs you, knows nothing but your body for the last 9 months. She needs to transition gently - babies don't even learn that they are separate from mother for months (apparently why they say dada first but I'm dubious on that one!)

My DS HATED his moses basket with a burning passion and would only sleep in my arms. I was exhausted.

At week 3 I bought a cosleeper cot that attaches to your bed (Chicco - Next To Me). It was a total game changer and DS would sleep really well, just waking for feeds every 3 hours. They just want to be close to their mum at that age. They’ve never been away from you.

DS is currently 11 weeks old and has now started sleeping for 8 hours through the night.

I think it's the Dad posting, but could be wrong. I do remember a Dad in our antenatal class asking if a baby could be trained in the womb, we all laughed at him but then I realised it was actually quite a clever question, and worth asking. Of course the answer was no

Of course, just reread and you are absolutely right. Blaming my 15 month old (who still hasn't figured out the sleep thing) for my brain not processing that fully!
Interesting though, it seems maybe mothers accept the sleep deprivation easier than fathers!

For aeons we lived like hunter gatherers, babies do not want to be put down because they're helpless and it's less safe on the floor. Staying with a big warm cosy adult is better so they naturally want that. Plus in the womb it's warm and noisy with the heartbeat, nothing like lying flat on a cold white mattress!

Just sleep when you can, you adjust a bit to the sleep deprivation. Sleeping in shifts can help. It's just how it is. A cloth sling is good so the baby can sleep on you and you have hands free (check you know how to use it safely and don't sleep yourself while the baby's in it).

All those ads where babies go down peacefully in their cots are lies!

Sleep training for day naps at 4.5 months (around/post sleep regression). Night sleep train / night feed wean, at 5.5/6 months.

I've also just realised that OP is the husband.

Your job is to support your wife to get all the sleep she can. You're a team through this. There may be periods where the baby wakes every hour or 2 hours through the entire night. You cannot train her out of this. This is the reality of having a baby. Minimum 6 months for sleep training but as they only just start to wean at 6 months it's more likely that 8 months to a year is the better time as she'll be on solid food and eating well through the day. That helps.

If your wife is breastfeeding you both might have to accept that a period of co-sleeping is best for everyone. Baby can wake for milk in the night without much fuss and your wife will get better sleep. Research safe co-sleeping. I did a mixture of co-sleeping and baby in the next-to-me crib until 8 months then transitioned to own bedroom.

If she is formula or combi-fed or will accept bottled breastmilk then you should be doing some of the night shifts through the week. It doesn't matter that you work. Your wife also works- she is with your baby 24/7, enabling you to go to work. Share night duties and let her get some sleep.

All of this is a fraction of your life and you'll look back in years to come and realise how short it all was.