Baby won’t sleep alone

[RWat378]

Looking for some advice from those who have been in similar situations please. My little girl is 7.5 months and has been sleeping on either myself or my partner for the last 8 weeks. I really struggle with this at night as her movements/sounds keep me awake so I hardly sleep! Prior to sleep regression and teething, she slept for 8 hours in her next to me crib but now wakes instantly the second we put her down. The health visitor suggested trying to put her in her own room now after we’ve done the usual night time routine of bath, book, milk and cuddle but she screams the minute I put her in the cot. She gets herself into such a state that she can’t catch her breath and it’s heartbreaking to see. I tried for 2 hours solid with patting, reassuring, white noise etc last night but nothing would settle her until I picked her up. I don’t believe in cry it out so if anyone has some useful tips, I would be very grateful.

How long do you wait to put her down in the cot? Mine has to be in a deep sleep before he can be transferred. He now does quite long stretches in the cot before joining me in the early hours of the morning, but it's taken about 3 months of gradual improvements.

If she's used to sleeping on you then sleeping completely seperately to you in a cot is a big change. Can you start by sleeping next to her, and gradually moving away so she gets used to her own space?

Thanks for responding :) The health visitor advised putting her down awake so she learns to self settle and said to “kill two birds with one stone” by putting her in her own room at the same time. Perhaps that’s too ambitious considering she’s so used to sleeping on us now? We’ve tried popping her next to us when she’s sleeping but she won’t accept that either. She seems to want to be held closely and snuggled all night. Should we just keep trying to put her next to us until we have some success?

What do you feel is the right thing to do? If you want to continue co sleeping then do so!

Health Visitors do seem to advise this. Not saying it's wrong, but most babies won't be put down awake, so it forces parents into sleep training, which is an option but it's not the only one.

I don't want to sleep train and am happy to keep supporting my baby to sleep. I know it means it'll take longer for him to self-settle, but I think this is a skill he'll develop when he's ready.

In your position I would probably go gradual and try slowly moving away each night until she reaches a stage where the cot seems achievable.

What are you actually doing to get her to sleep? As I say, my baby will do long stretches in the cot now, but he has to be asleep before we transfer him in. He usually feeds until he's sleepy and falls asleep next to me (he used to feed to sleep but he's started - by himself - to finish feeding, then roll around finding a comfy position before falling asleep). Once asleep we transfer after about 10mins and he now stays in the cot for anything up to 7hrs. It has taken a while to get to this stage though.

This is ultimately what I comes down to.

When I realised that it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks I should do, and I should follow my instincts, things felt much less stressful and (maybe it's a coincidence) nights got better.

Try following Lyndsey Hookway on Instagram, and have a look through some of her old posts. She is a great source of simple, straightforward information on normal baby sleep.

I think I’ve been bombarded with so much advice that I don’t know anymore! However, getting next to no sleep just makes for a harder time the next day because I’m so tired. I think perhaps it is too much to try and get her to sleep alone in her own room at this point so I need to find a more gentle approach.

@Calphurnia88 Thanks for all the advice - I do really appreciate it. We currently have the bedtime routine and then we walk around whilst cradling her until she falls asleep. We keep it nice and calm with the lights low. We’ve waited half an hour before trying to put her down but she honestly knows and immediately wakes up! 🙄😂 I think you’re right in that we should try it gradually and then take it from there.

I don’t believe in cry it out

Good luck

Not sure what you’re trying to achieve with this message but really not helpful.

To elaborate, if there was a silver bullet approach with no protest / crying, everyone would be doing it

@BabyOnBoard90 I’m not looking for a quick fix here, just tips on how I can move towards independent sleeping. As her mother, I am responsible for her emotional well-being and refuse to put stress on her by letting her cry for me without the knowledge that I will return and comfort her. If you don’t feel that you can add to the helpful comments already received, feel free to move along to another thread. Your promoting of a method that I don’t believe in is of no use here.

In which case: Good luck

Just keep her with you for now, she needs you. She will get there eventually

@Bert2e I just wanted to come back and say that my 10mo slept through for the first time last night.

This is a baby who, at 4mo was cosleeping with me for the whole night, and at 7mo was maybe doing an hour or two in the cot before joining me for the rest of the night.

I'm not expecting every night to be the same, and I'm not saying that your baby will start sleeping through at 10mo, but I am saying that they will do it when they're ready and you don't have to do anything that doesn't sit right with you to get there.

Oh and I'm still feeding to sleep!

So that puts a bit of a spanner in the often-quoted theory that babies who are supported to sleep don't sleep through.

Babies can’t protest. They’re not manipulating you. They’re communicating in the only way they know how because they’re scared and want your safety and warmth. Treating your child as if you’re protesting is a one way ticket to them being anxious children!

OP, do what feels right for you. Don’t feel forced into sleep training, our babies are infants for such a short time - I know it’s tough and the lack of sleep needs addressed. But please don’t feel like you should leave your baby to cry it out!

I’ve found that using a floor bed, cuddling/feeding to sleep and then once she is asleep I roll out and she’s grand alone. It saves the ‘transfer’ that often wakes them up!

I’ve found that using a floor bed, cuddling/feeding to sleep and then once she is asleep I roll out and she’s grand alone. It saves the ‘transfer’ that often wakes them up!

This is a good idea. We're unable to have a floor bed in our house but I know others it's worked for.

There are lots of articles online on how to safely set up a floor bed.

@Greendoor12 Thank you for your kind words. I definitely won’t let her cry it out, it was bad enough with her crying when I was with her trying to settle in the cot. I’m a firm believer that if she cries then there’s a good reason for it. I remember a friend telling me she was manipulating me when she was just 6 weeks old and I saw red and very firmly told her that a baby is not capable of such things.

The floor bed is a fab idea I hadn’t even thought of! Thank you for suggesting that :)

@Calphurnia88 So good to hear your little one slept through last night! It just goes to show that progress does happen, even if it’s a little slow. Thank you for all of your advice/sharing. I really do appreciate it.

I was coming on to say floor bed, which I our case was literally the cot mattress on the floor. Allows you to cuddle to sleep, then slip away, and resettle easily too.

We moved our son from a sidecar cot into his own room at 9 months, and floor bed was the only thing that worked.