I’m exhausted by 8 month old constant night waking

[Chickiecatx]

Hi everyone,

let me first disclose that I am fully aware I did this all to myself and that I have been a very very silly mamma indeed but I need help please!!

So I have baby no.2 who has just turned 8 months old we also child number 1 who is due to turn 4 in May and the issue is sleep or lack of!

With baby number 1 after 6 months she was in her own cot for both daytime naps and for night sleep would sleep for 2 hours at a time durning the day and pretty well all through the night she slept fairly well ( only issue was you had you had to stay in the room with her until she fell asleep ( we still have to do this now for nighttime sleep as she no longer naps during the day)

my issue is with baby no. 2 now I know every baby is different ect ect having had 2 myself I am well aware of how different they are but I need help!

So from word go with baby no.2 he was never never put down to sleep he contact napped and slept with us at nighttime ( he is currently asleep on my now as I type) during the day for all his naps he has either slept on the breastfeeding pillow on my lap as he would fall asleep while feeding and I would not move for 2/3 hours, in his car seat or in a baby carrier ( his favourite place however has always been on breastfeeding pillow on me and then he can latch/unlatch as much as he wants while he sleeps.

For nighttime sleep from the first night he slept on daddy chest and then when he got too big for that in between the pillows on our bed.

He has on a very rate occasion been put down into a cot he had woke after a few minutes and just generally never seems to settle ( we have warned the cot with hot water bottle, placed my clothing over the sheet for smell, used spray to help sleep, gave a lovely this list goes on he will not sleep alone!

The main issue we have is nighttime sleep as he is in the bed with us and from the minute we put him down to sleep between 7:30 and 8pm he is up and down all night! He probably wakes 2/3 times between 7:30 and 9:30 when we go up to bed and then every 2 hours at night if your lucky sometimes more and then he is up for the day between 4-5am I am so tired I am depressed and I’m done! Sometimes when he wakes we can settle him with a pat on the bum or a rock to sleep by 9/10 he wants boob!! Sometimes you can tell by his sucking he is doing it for comfort and other times he has a good feed!

he doesn’t have a dummy never really took to one we did try and I have absolutely no intention of introducing one now! He is on 3 meals a day and has been since about 6 months old as we weaned him slightly early with HV advice he is a big lad he is 24lbs and is already crawling, pulling himself up and trying to take his first steps!

with food we put it in front of him baby led weaning and he eats what he wants I do think maybe because we feed him like that rather than spoon feed him he is not getting enough solids?

an average day for me looks like this:

wake up 5am - Breast Feed
floor play
6am Breakfast solids
floor play
7am Breastfeed
floor play
8:30am Breastfeed to sleep morning nap until 10am
10.30 - playgroup/organised activities
11am Breastfeed
12pm home and lunch solids
1pm afternoon nap breastfeed to sleep until 3pm
floor play and books until 5:30pm
5:30pm dinner
6:30pm bath
7:00pm settle to bed
7:30pm breastfeed from both breasts to sleep
8:10pm first wake up shush pat/rock to sleep
8:25pm put back down
8:50pm awake again shush pat/rock to sleep
9:00pm put down again
9:35pm awake again breast feed to sleep
10:00pm put back down again
12:00am awake again breast feed to sleep
2:00am awake again breastfeed to sleep
4:00am awake again breastfeed/rock to sleep but trying to wake up
4:30am awake again/ refuses milk and is awake then try everything to get back to sleep up for the day by 5am

please please can someone anyone help I’m at my wits end with having a toddler and 2 elderly parents to take care of also as well as a husband and house ect I know I know I did this to myself and I should have set better boundaries from the start with second baby I should have learnt from mistakes from the first but we had a traumatic birth emergency c section due to cord around his neck 3 times and heart rate dropping we had 2 early miscarriages while trying to get him so we are very blessed and he is my last baby so yes I have babied him he also has a cows milk protein allergy which is why I am still breastfeeding him his sister I stopped at 6 months pumping take up to much time and easier to just stick him on!

I need help I need sleep I know I have created bad sleep associations and feed rocked cuddled patted him to sleep and that’s what he needs then when he wakes but how can I break the cycle we have tried controlled crying with him which is fine during the day or even early evening but in the middle of the night when toddler is asleep next door, your exhausted and hubby has to be up for work it’s easier said then done , baby crying wakes toddler up and then she starts crying and wants to get in our bed too it’s a nightmare!

please I’m begging anyone to help any advice appreciated! I’m desperate, i depressed I have a gp app next week to restart my antidepressants as I need something I just feel like life isn’t worth living at the moment and that I dread going to bed every night and that I just think of this is it why bother keep going?

please someone help!

Wow you sound desperate, understandably.

You were absolutely right in saying circumstances are down to you; but the resolution and fix of this issue is also down to you.

My advice:

feeding: would be to incorporate some formula. My child is also 8 months, after breastmilk they are quickly hungry and agitated, after formula they're relaxed and at ease. I only give BM for the laxitative effect but now that DC drinks water I'm planning to stop.

Sleeping:

Check how much your child is sleeping during the day. 3-3.5hrs of naps should be sufficient. Ensure he doesn't get put for naps after a certain time. If my child doesn't have cat nap by 4pm I leave it out.

Sleep train, it's painful for a few days, but then you'll have months of sleep. If letting them cry is too difficult then try gently patting on the bum to soothe to sleep.

Good luck

Also keep in mind there's an 8 month regression. My child still sleeps through the night. Though with day naps they've become ratty.

The sleep training we did a few months ago has made this regression far less painful than some of my peers.

I wouldn't introduce formula unless you want to as it will take a while for baby to take it and what if she ends up not sleeping? My friend has formula fed since 4 weeks and her baby's sleep is not great.

8 months is a pretty tough time for babies, actually between 8 and 10 months I found tough with all my 3.

My first (just turned 10) was a similar baby to yours, contact napped, breastfed every 2 hours (even after age 1) due to reflux etc. He is older now and doesn't seem to need as much sleep tho he's in bed from 8-7.
Second was better but only because couldn't be worse and third just turned 20 months is the best of all three but when compared to other babies isn't that great.

What I'm trying to say is all baby's are different as you said. You have to find ways to get more sleep.
•Keep in mind there is some sort of a regression around 8/10/ months so you're dealing with that.
•Make sure baby is fed well during the day and before bed something like a mix of porridge and banana or weetabix or some sort of protein.
•Breastfeed in a different room and when baby is finished feeding take to her room. If possible give her to dad to put to bed. This is pretty tough.
•At 8 months I tried to feed just once at night. Any other wakes she gets water and cuddles (this is tough).
•As has already been mentioned above keep her total daytime naps around 3:5hrs and latest nap not later than 1:30 for a 3pm ish wake time give it take.
•Decide what set up you're happy with. Are you happy with baby in your bed? I was with my first but not my third as she's a terrible kicker. My friend decided to cosleep as hers wakes up midnight and refuses to sleep unless she's in their bed. If you're not happy that is fine.
Go see your doctor and get help, it is tough but you will get through it. Ask for help from family or friends (easier said). This too shall pass.

My friend has formula fed since 4 weeks and her baby's sleep is not great.

Don't get correlation to the Formula here. OPs baby is EBF and not sleeping well.

Bottle feeding is an easy way to ensure they are building enough calories to get them through the night. And I say that as someone who EBF until 6/7 months.

@BabyOnBoard90 I'm not correlating anything I'm just saying bottle feeding night not be the panacea here. I'm currently breastfeeding my third at 20 month old and she's much better sleep wise compared to her siblings. My child sleeps 11 hours each night compared to their siblings at this age. Both siblings were breastfed until 24 months. Babies are different and I gave examples using my older two kids and my friends baby.

Just to add that breastmilk milk is calorific but easily digestible compared to formula hence the fuller for longer when formula fed. But as I said in my previous post if that is what she wants to do that is fine as well.

No advice I'm afraid but just to say I am here with you, I also have an 8 nearly 9 month old who will only sleep on or next to me and she can sleep on one of us for hours without waking but when lying in bed she wakes up and feeds almost constantly throughout the night including aboit every half an hour all evening so I have to come up to bed with her. She won't nap anywhere except on me or in the pram but in the pram sue wakes up as soon as we get home so I can never get anything done and I'm exhausted as well and hate going to bed every night knowing I probably won't sleep. She also won't take a dummy and so basically uses my boobs for comfort all night long!

I have no idea what to do, we've tried to get her tl go down in a next to me so many times but she just wakes up screaming every time. I have a 4 year old who slept through in a cot from being weeks old so I have no idea how to handle this. Its really getting me down as well. I hope it gets better for us both soon!

Sleep training. Can partner take annual leave and do it then? Sometimes it's easier when dad does the put downs / settles a d then you're not worried about him being tired at work.

Can 4yo have a sleepover somewhere for a night/those nights? Or explain what is happening to her. Give her white noise for a few days? It needs to be done, but appreciate it's tricky with two.

Pick a strategy and stick to it. Consistency is key! Do the same thing for every nap and throughout the night. Make sure your partner is fully on board. It can take 9 days to show results so don't be discouraged if it doesn't work immediately

Hi all,

I know this thread is a few months old but I am currently where you are with my 8.5 month old! @Swancity in particular our situations sound similar as I have a 5 year old too!

Just wanted to know if you found anything helped?!