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Sleep

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Original poster

Can't seem to avoid "leaving DD2 to cry"

13 replies

Kitsilano · 05/02/2008 22:02

I always wanted to be a responsive parent, didn't leave DD1 to cry, rocked her to sleep til she was 3 1/2 months and now she is a happy toddler and brilliant sleeper. But it seems impossible to do the same with a 2nd child and I feel guilty and conflicted. DD2 (11 weeks)SCREAMS from tiredness as I have to take her and DD1 to nursery at her morning nap time and she hates being in the pram while I get ready to leave. She screams in the car while we are stuck in traffic and she screams while I am reading DD1 her bed time story (my husband get home after they are in bed).

And during the day I can't hold her whenever she wants as I also have to look after DD1.

It's not even as though she is a particularly fractious baby - she just ends up crying.

I feel as though she is effectively experiencing controlled crying even though this is the last thing I want to do.

What can I do - or at least how can I feel better about this?

(BTW I can't carry her in a sling all the time as I have a prolaspe following her birth and the weight makes it much worse.)

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

gingerninja · 05/02/2008 22:05

I was going to say sling. Is it harder than carrying her? Can't imagine what else you'd do. Can anyone else help you by spending some time holding her?

My DD hated the buggy and car seat so I walked her everywhere in a sling hence the suggestion. Sorry

gingerninja · 05/02/2008 22:06

Oh, what about a dummy?

notnowbernard · 05/02/2008 22:12

Seems to be the norm, IME (ie with second or subsequent babies)

They do come out unscathed!

DD2 is a very happy toddler, she didn't get her needs met immediately either.

I second the dummy idea

Original poster

Kitsilano · 05/02/2008 22:13

Thanks gingerninja. Sling was my first thought - but it really makes things worse so I have to use the buggy when I go out. And I can't go about the house doing stuff with her in the sling either really.

Am trying dummy but some days it calms her and some days she doesn't want it. She ideally would like to exist with my breast in her mouth I think but this isn't practical!

OP posts:

Original poster

Kitsilano · 05/02/2008 22:15

Part of me wants to be reassured that she wont be "emotionally damaged" by not having her needs met right away. I can't bear the thouoght of her crying until she "gives up" because she realises no on will come. Sob.

OP posts:

notnowbernard · 05/02/2008 22:15

DD2 liked her bouncy, vibrating chair

BroccoliSpears · 05/02/2008 22:16

Does she face you in the pushchair?

notnowbernard · 05/02/2008 22:20

Am no childcare guru

But am PRETTY CERTAIN you are not emotionally damaging your baby

You are doing thr best you can with a small child and a small baby. It's a juggling act at the best of times.

I used to set up dd1 with a dvd/C-Beebies which gave me a bit of time to just sit with dd2 (or feed!)

Pretty soon dd1 will be providing all of dd2's entertainment anyway...

notnowbernard · 05/02/2008 22:22

Also, I doubt you are truly "leaving her to cry"... more having to make her wait a bit longer than what is ideal to you, because of circumstances etc

colditz · 05/02/2008 22:25

Ds1 - held whenever he opened his mouth, I ran, panting, to his cotside in the night - happy, well balanced toddler (other issues but I think unrelated)

Ds2 - Left to cry while I dealt with ds1, had to sometimes wait for feeds, no regular nap schedule - happy, well balanced toddler.

Don't sweat it.

colditz · 05/02/2008 22:26

It's that bloody awful "Miles is a quiet baby" advert that has set so many people up with this anxiety.

Original poster

Kitsilano · 05/02/2008 22:30

Thank you, thank you

She does face me in the push chair - she's fine once we get going it's just the getting out the house phase when she screams herself silly.

Oh yes and then DD1 starts crying because she doesn't like it when DD2 cries. Oh joy.

Serves me right for being so principled and smug when it came to DD1's sleep I guess.

OP posts:

rubles · 06/02/2008 20:51

My dd2 is 19 weeks and I could have written your op Kitsilano. Sometimes it is just unavoidable that they cry isn't it.
To give you hope, dd2 is now OK in traffic - even in jams. I think it helps when they become more interested in their surroundings. I remember she used to cry all the way to dd1's school and all the way home and there was nothing I could do. That was 30 minutes total of red faced, frantic, angry crying.

To get over the 2 children at bedtime thing, I used to feed dd2 (or at least just put my breast in her mouth) while I read the story and put dd2 to bed - although she did have to have a short burst of not being held when I did the hugs/kisses/night time chat bit. Then, over a period of about a week (when dp was around to assist) I moved her bedtime earlier bit by bit so that now I put the baby down first and then do dd1 directly afterwards. Dd1 often likes to just sit next to me in the dark and whisper when i feed dd2, but it works out fine.

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