How long can this go on for?

[WildPeas]

4.5mo EBF baby. For the past 6 weeks has been sleeping 60 minute stints at most at night, mostly more like 40 minutes. Awake for 45-60 minutes at a time feeding/ suckling for comfort. Will take multiple attempts to be put down, often waking either immediately or within 5 minutes (so just as I'm dropping off - perfect). Day time naps near to non existent. Screams whilst being rocked and wakes the second you put down. Will not take a dummy or bottle.

DH gets up at 5am but leaves for work at 7am so the nights are spent watching the hours tick by for two hours rest. My god the nights are long and lonely 😭 2yo sibling means days can't even be spent chilling out. Days are spent watching the hours tick by until DH is home at 6pm, whereby bathtime and bedtime routine starts and the night begins again. Family pop by once a week so I can nap for an hour or two which helps, but by 3am I'm just as tired as I ever was.

I'm exhausted and miserable. I'm constantly shivering and suffering from headaches. I can't be a good mum to either of my children.

How long can this go on?

Signed, a very broken Mum

4 month sleep regression. At that point we got rid of all sleep props including the dummy. Allowed CIO for day naps so DC learned to sleep soothe. DC also sleep better on front so made peace with that.

EBF tend to be fussier. We incorporated formula at 6 months and it was like a different baby.

Oh god it sounds awful bless you. I have been there with bells on and we are only just coming out the other end of this but I won't tell you how old my child is cos I don't think it will help morale.
I have tracked our babies sleep throughout and one pattern I've found is that over tiredness is a big culprit for broken sleep, so is there anything you can do to increase naps during the day? Contact naps on boob while toddler watches their favourite tv show? I wonder if any of that would helps? Also there is cosleeping which helps for a lot of people. I personally couldn't sleep like that and didn't help my child's sleep either. For some babies though it means they sleep right through
Also I agree do whatever you can do introduce a bottle asap even if it's of expressed milk. As that might mean will settle for husband eventually and can then get some help with the nights. That's the only thing that's made a difference over here but at this stage it could also actually be developmental (probably is!). But if you could share the wakes then maybe you could get to bed 8-11 or something so you have had a chunk before being on duty again until 5am. Husband can sleep 11-5.
Sleep training is of course an option for some but it never was for us. And although it's taken so long I'm pleased to say it is starting to genuinely fall into place naturally, despite doing nothing at all really

Btw I should add I'm being very generous to say husband can sleep 11-5 as most people seem to think husband needs his precious sleep before work but I think it depends what job he does. With 2 kids to run after I personally think you need your sleep just as much, if not more, so if you can get baby to settle for husband (for a bottle or any other means) and really share the nights then I say go for it! My husband has helped any way he can but we had a firm bottle refuser who only wanted boob for a very very long time sadly. He's always got up early with him though. Weekends, holidays the lot

Thanks both for the support.

Last night was awful with 25 minute stretches of sleep followed by 45 minutes of awake time. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse 😭

We did controlled crying with my first but not until they were 7m old. 4.5m seems too young to me? I'm not anti CC by any means l, just wary of starting too young?

DH also takes on all weekend and holiday mornings. I feel bad that he never gets a lie in at the moment but on the other hand, he is sleeping mostly undisturbed from 10pm - 5am which is luxurious in the current circumstances!

Will keep trying with a bottle, it's heartbreaking to see precious breast milk being tipped down the drain after yet another refused bottle. I'm not prepared to try formula so appreciate I'm shooting myself in the foot there.

I don't remember it being this hard with my first 😩

Second time Mum having sleep issues with my six month old over here! 👋 she’s also waking frequently (most recently every 20 mins at times 🤯) My first slept great so it’s a shock to the system! I do think being over tired/not napping during the day can impact night sleep so the trying contact naps during the day is good advice and might help, or what about when moving? Could you take them out a walk/drive for an hour a couple of times to try and get baby some day sleep? Easier said than done when exhausted but it might pay off for the nights! My baby does nap ok thankfully but that seems to have had no impact/transfer to nights so sometimes babies just do their own thing much to the detriment of their poor mothers sanity! So other than that just wanted to say you’re not alone!

What have you already tried sleep support wise e.g white noise/swaddle/light projectors?

My youngest son (BF) never slept more than 45 minutes till he was 10 months old, then for the next year he would sleep 3/4 hours at a time.

He never slept through night till Xmas after his 5th birthday . Then from 5-7 still woke up a few times a night. He is now 8 and sleeps through night 95% of time.

He has adhd though and it is linked with poor sleep. He was diagnosed at 7 years old.

Few times a week aged 5-7 not night *

I’d do whatever you can to get through the next month - cosleeping a possibility? Then CC at 5.5 months

I think your husband should be doing more too

Thanks all for more suggestions.

I'm making an effort to be more structured with naps. Seems like pushchair indoors is the way forward as I then don't have to transition from arms to cot. I managed 30 mins sleep with them this way before they stirred. I pushed them back to sleep but by that point I was too awake so got on with housework. They woke a further two times but I rocked the pushchair through the screaming and in the end they napped for 2hrs!

We've tried a few nights of co-sleeping but wasn't all that successful. DC still required feeding back to sleep and I can't master feeding lying down so figured I may as well just put them back in the next to me? Co-sleeping was a life saver with my first as they just liked to know I was there. This one likes to be attached to my boob at all times, preferably. If there's a way for me to do it "better" then I'm all ears.

Really appreciate all the advice and just hearing that I'm not alone, thank you.

Hi OP. No advice but I'm there with you. 4.5 month old DS wakes every hour and that's from start of wake up to next wake up so I'm sleeping in tiny chunks. We're cosleeping because he won't go in the next to me but it's not helping him sleep longer. Day time naps are contact naps or in the pram and usually same length - 30/45 mins. He won't take a dummy. Also EBF and wants feeding each time he wakes up.

I've no idea what the answer is but it's bloody hard.

@Theduchy
It's just awful isn't it. I know it's a phase but that doesn't make it any easier right now. I'm also getting the dread setting in from about 4pm which lasts until 5am when I know I can have 2hrs uninterrupted! I hope you have some support. Sending virtual solidarity, hugs and caffeine x

Has anyone on here tried the rockit rocker? Is it any good? Thinking of attaching to the next to me which I'm rocking myself throughout the night in an attempt to prolong stretches of sleep and also the pushchair during daytime naps?