13 month old DS takes 1-2 hours to go to sleep at night, any tips?!

[KirstyP0594]

Since my DS has been about 11-12 months old he has been taking longer and longer to go to sleep at night. His bedtime has always been 8pm, and he wakes between 7am and 8am, with his nap generally between 1-1.30pm and it varies how long he sleeps, sometimes he will sleep for an hour, other days he will have 3 hours.

Strangely he goes off instantly for his nap time as soon as he lays down in the cot, with the odd day maybe taking about 20 minutes or so, but at bedtime it just seems like he doesn’t want to sleep, so his bedtime is becoming more like 9-9.30pm. Is it normal for him to take this long to go to sleep at bedtime at his age?

I have tried cutting down his nap, changing nap time to an earlier time, feeding him more food in the evening, but nothing seems to make a difference haha. He still sleeps in the same bedroom as me and my partner as we still live with my parents currently so he doesn’t have his own room yet, but his bedtime routine has always been the same - bath, pj’s & sleeping bag, bottle and bed. Just wondering if anyone else has experience this at this stage and if there was something that was causing or if it is indeed just a phase they go through?

Any advice or tips would really be appreciated!

Thanks!

Try putting him to bed later.

3 hours is pretty long, I would cut off at 2/2.5.

Has he learnt anything new? Walking? My sons sleep went to pot at 1 when he learnt to walk.

If adjusting naps doesn't help and I would play around with the bed time. I wouldn't waste both of your time trying for hours to get him to sleep. If he's happy to potter round etc for an extra hour or so let him.

Are you in the room with him while trying to get him to sleep? We used to stay with our LB in the room but we became a massive distraction, he was trying to play/interact with us, we could see him physically fighting sleep! His eyes would roll back and he would tear them open and jump up again 🥴

He's not tired - either cut the nap short or put him to bed later.

@Sucessinthenewyear I tried putting him to bed at 9pm last night instead but that backfired and he didn’t get to sleep until about 10.30pm 🙈

@SunshineClouds1 He hasn’t yet started walking, he has been cruising around furniture for a few months. Yep you’re right I think I may have to try and play around with his nap and bedtimes a little to see what works.

@pebbles3004 we are yes, I used to be able to leave the room and he would fall asleep on his own, but now he cries when I leave the room and when I am there he stands up looking at me and cries and then laughs and runs away from me when I go to lay him back down again 😂🙈

Cut the nap to an hour at 1pm.

I didn't let mine sleep after 3pm, Early lunch and down for a nap by 1pm.

@staybyyou I will try this again to see if it improves, he occasionally has had days where he naps less but still does this at night time.

@cantley you may be right, my mum looks after him whilst I am at work so she normally wakes him from his nap, but I think he is probably napping too late in the day meaning he’s not tired for bed, I’m thinking to try and put him down for his nap at 12.30 instead and try and get him used to an earlier, shorter nap.

Don't stay in the room was the advice I always received and it helped. I know a few friends who made a rod for their own backs with DC who would only go to sleep with parents in room with them or lying down with them for hours - becomes very restrictive! We would let them have a little cry, go back a reassure them if nec but not staying in the room.

Nap should be 12-2 and someone needs to wake him up. Also 8am is quite a late wake up time. I would get him up at 7.

This is exactly what my LB did. I'm probably going to get shot down here, but we sleep trained at this point. And honestly, do I have regrets? Yes, that we didn't do it sooner. It's not for everyone and I totally get that, but they say sleep breeds sleep and its totally true in our case - our LB is sleeping so much better (not just better at going to sleep in thr first place) and doesn't wake through the night now unless something is wrong. We now have a firm routine, and at the end of that bedtime routine we put him in his cot, walk away and close the door. Even on days when he's not tired (over napped at nursery) he will lie and happily play with his soft toys for up to 90mins sometimes before he puts himself to sleep.

As I say, might not be for you but just sharing what worked for us!

I found having a bath made my daughter more awake because to her it was fun and like a game (so play time not sleep time).
Maybe skip the bath.

Agree that 8am is a late wake time - most children can only do 10-11 hours overnight so would naturally mean a 9-10pm bed. I'd wake consistently at 7am, and keep that nap at 1-2h maximum earlier in the day as you say!

I also second what people are saying re. Naps. We cap our nap at 2pm regardless if he's only been asleep for 45 mins. We also don't let him sleep longer than 2 hours (sometimes 1hr 30 if we know he's not needing a mega nap)

@Feckthelotofthem so this is what I used to do, I used to leave the room and watch him on the monitor and he would go off without a fuss, but nowadays he is taking even longer to go off and gets so upset if I even try go near the bedroom door haha.

@converseandjeans yes definitely going to try and make nap time earlier and shorter.

@pebbles3004 I really think this is what he needs. 9.30pm - 10.00pm seems far too late for a 1 year old to be going to sleep imo and I don’t particularly want to put him to bed later as this is making him wake up later the next morning meaning he is just up later and later. How did you do this? I really need to try sleep training I think as he was always such a good sleeper and self settled with no help from me whatsoever, I miss those days haha!

Yep we went through exactly the same. We never planned to have to sit with him for hours, it just seemed to happen and we couldn't stop?! We used to dread bedtime and realised we couldn't keep doing it.

So what we did was set a solid routine, so he knew what to expect. Bed, bath, Milk and a book downstairs, then teeth and bed (we used to try feed to sleep but stopped that as part of this process). We would put him down in his cot, say night night Jack, mummy and daddy are here, its bedtime. Love you. All while stroking his back (he sleeps on his front). Then walk away and pull the door over.

He would obviously start to cry. So we'd leave him for 1 min, go back in, lay him back down, say exactly the same thing again and once he was settled and no longer crying, leave the room. Next time wait 3 mins, then 6, then 10 etc. (The gaps are totally up to you).

The key thing we realised was be consistent, and be boring. Don't pick him up out of his cot unless it's on fire or his nappy has leaked. Once you start to be boringly consistent and no matter how many times he cries that you aren't going to change your tune, he'll get bored and go to sleep. Make sure you and your partner do and say the same things too.

For us, it only took about 3 nights. First night was prob 40 mins, second night 20 and 3rd night 10. However he has tried to throw us once or twice and tried to go back to being the boss, but again we did EXACTLY the same things again. The first time he tried to erase all our progress, that prob took a full week of crying - so my point is it's not a straight line, and don't be disheartened - stay strong!

P.s. again for all the people who don't agree with sleep training, this is simply what we did - I'm not advising anyone to do it who isn't comfortable with this approach.

@pebbles3004 thank you so much, we’re going to give this a try and see if there is any improvement over the next few weeks.

Good luck!! Stay strong 😅

I would echo what a lot of PP have said. If he goes to sleep at 9pm and gets up at 8am, that’s 11 hours’ sleep. Plus 2-3 hours in the day that’s 13-14 in total. He clearly isn’t tired at bedtime and just needs more awake time in the day. So either you accept the late bedtime or you wake him up earlier so he naps earlier. Don’t let him nap for too long, and then down for bed when he’s been awake for minimum 10 hours (maybe closer to 11) total (excluding naps) for the day.

Update - we had a bit of a different night last night that I wasn’t expecting at all! He woke up just after 7am yesterday, went down for a nap at about 12.45-1.00pm and slept until 3pm. I went to put him down to sleep at 8pm and he turned straight onto his tummy (this is the way he sleeps) and closes his eyes to go to sleep. I was absolutely shocked!😂 I’m not sure if this is just a one off but we will see how he goes tonight, he woke up at 6 this morning however. But that’s the best night we have had in months!

@AnnaTortoiseshell thank you, I have a feeling it was the timing of the nap that wasn’t helping things at bedtime!

I don’t have any advice but solidarity because my 12m old has been doing the exact same thing!!! He was good as good until 11m barring illnesses, laid down in bed, I leave the room and then straight off to sleep and then it’s like a light switched and he’s become a nightmare. If he’s not taking an age to fall asleep, he is up and down all night with some split nights thrown in after months of mostly sleeping through. We tried sleep training and it was frankly a disaster.

I hope you crack it soon. Glad you had a good night last night! Fingers crossed this is the start of new beginnings 🤞🏻

@KirstyP0594

He woke up just after 7am yesterday, went down for a nap at about 12.45-1.00pm and slept until 3pm. I went to put him down to sleep at 8pm and he turned straight onto his tummy

This was timings we used. Ours would go 11 hours at night. Just stick to regular timings now.

@ChickenBurgers oh no that is exactly like what happened to my DS’s sleep, it really is like a switch from good sleep to bad sleep! He was brilliant last night and not too bad tonight either, apart from neighbours waking him across the road partying and blaring music currently!😩

@converseandjeans yes that’s definitely what I will do as I have already seen a massive improvement by just changing the timings, when I lay him down for bed now it seems he is ready to lay down and settle rather than getting up again which is fabulous!

@KirstyP0594 its so hard isn’t it. My middle son was awful with sleep until he was 2 whilst his younger brother was mostly pretty good. Middle is 2.5 now and it feels like his brothers like right, better step up to the crap sleeper plate now big brother is better. Hes woken up at least 5 times since 7.30 🫠

god that’s so annoying about your neighbours. I hope they give it a rest soon so you can all get some sleep!!