frequent waker

[Emski]

My 8 month old daughter is waking in the night, then not wanting to go back to sleep (i'm writing this at 2 am with her playing happily on the floor!). It started when she had an ear infection and I took pity when she cried in the night, and I brought her into our bed - now she wants to all the time!. I've tried controlled crying, which upsets me so much as she screams so loud and for so long, so often I give in. She has 2 naps in the day of no more than three hours combined (on a good day). Does anyone have any suggestions - I'm getting desperate!!

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We used controlled crying with our now 3-year-old. He was about 14 months at the time and the problem occurred when I stopped breast-feeding - previously he was used to falling asleep whilst feeding (the feed had become little more than a comfort feed)and had to learn to sleep on his own. It was dreadful, but after about 5 days there was a marked improvement; after about 10 days we had cracked it. The important thing is to satisfy yourself that there is nothing actually wrong and all it is is sheer wilfulness on the part of the baby - beaming smiles when you go in is a good give-away. There's no getting away from the fact that it is awfully wearing and I found the guilt apalling, but at the end of the day it is in the baby's best interests, as well as yours, that she learns to go to sleep by herself. If you can stick with it and be consistent, it does work. Good luck.

Just to say 'thanks' for all the advice, nights are much better now, thanks to a bit of controlled crying!!. She still wakes, or nearly wakes, once or twice, but goes straight off when I put her dummy in, which she seems to rely on to go to sleep - any advice on how I could break this habit??!!. Thanks again!!

My 4 month old son has never slept for more than 4 hours without a feed and for the last 6 weeks has been waking every 2.5 hours. He settles with a feed most of the time. My HV suggested giving him solid food from 16 weeks which I have done and he loves it but the sleep/waking is unaffected. I'm not looking for magic cures as I expect he's just a hungry type and at some point in the distant future I'll have to sleep train him, just wondering if there are any more zombie-mummies out there. All the babies I know sleep 8 hours or more!

Dm2, at the risk of annoying some, I'd ask, have you read Gina Ford's book ? Not that you need to necessarily follow her routines but it is also full of information on sleeping and feeding which might just answer your question. It seems to me that from what you are describing, it would be very useful. But to each his own !

My midwife suggested giving ds water when he was waking so frequently. The theory being he wouldn't feel it worth it to wake when there was only water on offer. It took until he was six months before he slept through the night. Someone else suggested horlicks in the milk although at four months its probably best to ask advice. I also tried giving him a feed as I went to bed (11ish) so that he wouldn't wake until the early hours but he was such a greedy pup that he would have that feed and then still wake up at 2am for the feed! Anything is worth a try though. Good luck!

Dm2, if he is still taking his feed when he wakes, then I would think he must need it. Four months isn't particularly old for a baby to be having night feeds and I'm sure that sometimes they are hungry, whatever the mantras about sleeping through from 6 or 8 or 10 weeks. Recently, I woke up at 4am, starving hungry and had to go and eat a bowl of cereal!

Solids are lower in calories than milk, so he may be digesting his meal quickly then waking up at night for something else to keep him going until morning. Could you squeeze another milk feed in during the day, to see if that helps? Hope you get a full night's sleep soon.

Selja, is it safe to give Horlicks to a baby? I somehow imagined it would be full of salt and sugar, though I confess it must be donkeys years since I bought any!!

Dm2, I wonder if you are givin ghim solids in the evening yet? I know they tell you to start with solids at lunchtime but you may find that you can progress your way onto him having an evening 'snack' to see if that helps? I did it with my dd by 4 months and I thought it helped to an extent. I know how you are feeling too, honestly it will get better! Another thing you may or may not be doing already is if you are breastfeeding then just tuck him in bed with you and get as much sleep in as you can. I did this with dd for ages and it helped a lot, at least I felt rested the next day. Good luck and I don't think I'd be trying the horlicks idea either, eek...

Speaking of sleep don't know what I'm doing up this late, I'm off to bed, zzzz

DM2, you don't say if you are breast or bottle feeding. If you are bottle feeding or mixed feeding, you could try OmneoComfort, which we used for our son for his evening feed. It is specially developed to help settle more hungry feeders.
Good luck, I hope you are not too exhausted. Being woken so often is such a killer.

Not sure Suedonim what Horlicks has in it - I'll look when I'm in the supermarket today. I imagine its certainly got a lot of sugar in it. Must admit I've been lucky ds has slept through the night since he was six months with only the odd sleepless night thanks to illness. I was also lucky before that as when he had his morning feed he used to sleep for three or four hours so I would catch up then with him. I miss the cuddling up in bed with for a nap - can't do it now as he wants all the bed and he wriggles so much!

Bugsy, sorry to correct you, but Omneo Comfort is for babies who 'are experiencing minor but relatively common feeding problems' - quoting from the manufacturer's technical booklet here. They list these as colic, hard stools, possetting, excessive crying. A baby waking at four months is pretty normal, and not really having a feeding problem. It probably wouldn't make much difference to DM's baby, but it could be worth a try, I suppose, if the baby is already formula fed. Comfort is made of processed cow's milk, and potato starch (really!) and glucose syrup, as well as other stuff, with a lower lactose content than regular formula. The potato thickens the feed, as you'd expect, and the extra glucose is there to make up the sugar that would be present in the lactose.

I'm sure this is more than you want to know, but thought I'd stick it in anyway : )

Oops, sorry for the misinformation. I forgot that part of the reason we went for OmneoComfort was chronic colic.

Emski - pleased the nights are a bit better. At 8 months we did the sleep training thing, and like you we continued letting him use the dummy. All I would say is that we were just so happy he was sleeping - couldn't care less that he needed the dummy. We only let him have the dummy to go to sleep - he is not allowed it when he is not in his cot (except when he is ill and needs comforting).

I'd say choose your battles - save the dummy one till she is a bit older. If it means she is sleeping - then hoorah for dummies.

Just looked at my Horlicks malted chocolate and it does say on the box 'Horlicks is not suitable for children under one year of age'. Hope that helps.

Thanks to everyone for replying - my computer threw a wobbly after I posted so this is the first chance I've had to reply.

I was breastfeeding ds and after the advice of my health visitor started him on solids at his evening feed (after a full breastfeed)at 16 weeks. I couldn't give a formula top-up as he refused to drink from a bottle (used one for expressed milk from 2 weeks to 10 weeks then he decided not to). He was also feeding every 2 - 3 hours during the day so I couldn't fit any more breastfeeds in.

Anyway, since my health visitor and GP decided I was 'on the verge' of depression I decided to get 'tough' so, each evening, I refused to breastfeed ds after his bath until he drank some formula from bottle (took about 45mins during which I felt like the most evil mother in the world). I then persuaded my husband to take the week off work and we are now giving him nice cuddly breastfeeds during the day in nice light places and only offering bottles of formula at night. On the second night he slept 7pm till 12 then through to 5am! I'm in heaven!!!
He only drank 2 ounces of formula at each feed so I guess it was habit rather than hunger after all! Tonight will be the third night so I hope we have similar results. :-)

DM2, I am glad things are improving for you. I think progress will be slow and if you feel confident about what you are doing, your baby will feel it too. You seem to know that he isn't crying out of hunger... that's one step ! Keep going.
Good luck