Please help - can't do this much longer!

[popsycal]

Sorry if the thread title souns melodramatic but that is how I feel today. Look here for a bit of background.

Basically I am nearly 7 months pregnant. DS is 2y 4m and is waking constantly in the night. Never getting more than 2 hours sleep at a time. He doesn't wake for long, and even if I don't get up to see him, I still wake up. And he wakes around 5am

Have tried:
CC - he goes to sleep fine, but still wakes loads
grobag - too cold; cot duvet - kicks it off - too light; single bed duvet - dripping with sweat
early nap, late nap, no nap, short nap, long nap - nothing makes the slightest difference.
ignoring in the night - wakes up properly then
teaching settling techniques - showing him where spare dummy is, cup of water etc....

He isn't scared of the dark, he doesn't want to come in our bed (the opposite infact - he doesnt like coming in).

The only thing we have left to try is buying a bed - which we are doing tomorrow.

Just need to moan really.
Pops xx

popsy jsut to say we have had similar problems of night waking throughout ds1's third year. You can go round in circles trying to work out what's 'causing' it but at the end of the day I think you have to get a bit tough and withdraw the attention he is getting from waking. Talking about it is good, explain that sometimes we all wake in teh night but that night is for everyone to sleep and he needs to jsut lie quietly until he goes back to sleep. Try a star chart as well (I'm nto sure it works on a conscious level for ds1 - i.e. he doesn't give it a thought in the middle of the night - but it does give a focus for talking about it in the morning and giving positive feedback for a good night). Then do a programme of withdrawing attention - we did it by waiting for longer periods, talking to him briefly from the doorway rather than going in to him.

I think to some extent the temperature thing is a bit of a red herring - ds1 woudl try all sorts of requests, some of which seemed reasonable, like being hungry or needing a wee - but I really think they were mostly justifications for getting our attention! But I did find a cot duvet useless, so kept him in a grobag till we moved him to a bed - he does get very hot and mostly just has his duvet over his bottom half.

I think your ds WILL be more comfortable in a bed (we moved ds1 about two months ago and in hindsight I think he was too big for his cot - and he's quite a bit smaller than your ds) but I agree you need to get the sleep mroe sorted first- because you will need to be very clear and very firm once he is in a bed. We didn't have too much trouble - but we had some resistance, until he knew that he really couldn't get away with getting out of bed when he wasn't supposed to. (we have a light on a timer for mornings - could you try that too, starting early and gradually pushing it to a more reasonable time? ds1 often wakes earlier than his light but he knows that if he tries to get up he just gets put back into his bed to wait for the light)
Anyway good luck. why not give yourself a week or two to get tough and then get the bed sorted...honestly I found it much easier than I feared, if you are clear and consistent about the limits then it shoudl be fine.

thanks elliot!

Last night, DH stayed at a mates house...so I got tough! He didnt wake until about 4am and i left him shout for about one minute - just as i was about to get up, he was quiet.....then slept til 5:30.....went in and told him it was still night time
woke at 6:30

not bad
:)

wahay! hope last night was better. We've invariably found that once we actually take action it gets better v quickly. Usually only 5-10 mins of calling out for one night. The thing you'll have to watch for when moving to the bed is getting back into the habit of going to him more than you need to.... v easily done if you are a bit anxious about how/whether he will settle in the bed....try to create an aura of confidence in him and also understanding of where the limits are.

Another update....
Last night was rather good - but trying to fathom which of the things made it better!

His nap was odd due to the arrangements for the day....so he had 2 very short naps...about 20 mins each. Then he stuffed his face at the cinema (first visit :)) and didnt have dinner til late (6:15). Bed as normal at 7.

Not at peep until 6:10
:)
(well, apart from the 'peeping' I heard at 3:45 and went to investigate......phone about to run out of battery downstaiirs...)

Anwyay - today has been a more 'normal' day...so we will see!

If anyone is still reading this then well done!!!

Am struggling to see a pattern....can anyone spot one?

LAst night was a good one even though ds spent the first part of the night coughing.

He had a normal nap (about one hour from around 1:30), then didnt eat much dinner. He had 1 weetabix before bed (mum's suggestion) and went to bed as normal at 7. PJs and light cot duvet - room was 20 degrees.
Coughed non stop til about 10pm...woke briefly at 11:45...as he was poorly i went to check.....duvet off....tucked back in...no dummy....
Woke at 5am shouting for dummy - ignored him
Then he slept til......

SEVEN AM!!!!!!!!!

So how do I work out what caused it!

well done. Not sure what you did but following thread with interest to see what would work with my DTs.

Did you tell him that things needed to change at night? Are you ignoring him more? I often find that the night I resolve to do something about it seems to change things 'automatically' - but I think its just that I don't respond so quickly and then find that he DOES go back to sleep, and the next night often doesn't wake/make so much noise.
Anyway who cares what the pattern is....its got better!!
(though sadly this may nto be the last time you go through this cycle- jsut try to keep things on a tight rein and hopefully they won't get so bad again).

Possible seasonable idea to try:
"Sweetie, do you know what happens at Christmas, wth Santa and his presents? Did you know that when Christmas is getting REALLY near, like now, that Santa and his elves quietly travel about checking whether all little children everywhere are being good, especially staying in their beds quietly all night? You could incorporate this with a nightly starchart. It might just break his habit in time for the arrival of you new babe.

HI again!
Yes, we did talk to him.....and every night just before bed, we talk again....although the cheeky monkey keeps saying 'oh yes i shout maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmmmmy' then flashes his cute grin and says 'no....teddy, dummy night night no shouting!'

bless him!
Today has been a much more normal day. Normal nap times, normal dinner....then he had half a weetabix before bed with his milk. room is normal temp etc....so I guess we are trying the hungry boy theory tonight :)

We are ignoring him more too.......:)

I'm about to try the weetabix trick with the dts tonight. Hope your darling sleeps well.

Hi Popsycal,

Just seen this thread and wanted to add my support (tho i'm afraid i don't have any suggestions, you seemed to have tried a lot!) You were so lovely when i had my small emotional breakdown, and just wanted to send hugs and say i understand how frustrating this is.

Take care hon

SWTCBN (formally cat82!)
xxx

good luck marslady :)
and thanks so much cat! i hope you are doing ok

Feeling much better thank you Popsycal. Dd now takes all of her naps in her cot now, which has helped greatly. And Ads have really started to help lift my general mood as well.

Hope tonight is going okay for you so far!

xx

Hmmmmmm
Daily news update.

A BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD night. DS has had a cough for a few days and is getting worse. I didnt get to sleep tilabout 11:45 - he woke at 12:20 shouting away...ignored him. Woke at 2:30 shouting...ignored for abotu 10 minutes then went to see him and he was burning up. Wide awake for an hour. Then asleep and up and down all night til 6:30.
He seems fine this morning.
grrrr