4 month old co-sleeping - attempting sleep routine help!

[WhatTheEll]

We co-sleep with my 4 month old, have done since birth, as I EBF her. It was the only way we got sleep. However, of course, now she has a sleep association with my nipple.
I've begun creating a sleep environment for her - pitch black, sleeping bag, white noise etc. And following nap and awake windows with a routine I used for my son.

She can self settle after 5 mins or so of crying (winding down) at the morning nap. Lunch nap is harder, but she won't stay asleep longer than 30 mins. Soothing doesn't help. She doesn't respond to touch, voice, or a comforter to soothe her. Only thing that helps is boob. She's a very heavy baby. 21lb at 4 months, so I find lying down to feed much my better for my back. This then leads to feeding to sleep.

I haven't even attempted nights yet as the screaming is making me miserable. And I guess I'm taking the easy way out and just keeping her in with us at night.

Any help/tips would be great!!

There's nothing wrong with feeding to sleep.

Eventually your baby will outgrow it and you'll wish they just fed to sleep! DD1 did that at 9 months and I had to rock her instead which was much harder.

If you feed lying down can you sneak away once she's fast asleep?

DD2 is 4 months and like you, we cosleep because she has a boob to sleep association. I would sneak away and leave her, but DD1 and DH sleep in the other double bed, so there's nowhere else for me to go lol.

@gimmeabreakplease I totally hear you!!

She doesn't respond to rocking or anything else though. I should add, I can intervene when she's crying to feed her to sleep but then once I move her to cot she's awake and crying.
I can slip away sometimes, but she normally wakes up after 30 mins crying, so I find I'm feeding every 30 mins apart from in the dead of night where she goes longer.

Boob is out all the time at night, so it's on tap for her to just relatch! Is that the same for you?

Honestly, for the hassle and headspace that you're giving this I would just continue feeding to sleep and sneaking away for those 30 mins or whatever. It will eventually lengthen.

My DD2 is 10 weeks and I'm EBF and co-sleep. In the day she naps on me for hours. I've been working during her naps on my laptop/phone and also watch TV and read.
My DD1 is 2 and I did the same with her - she sleeps so well now and I just realise how brief this stage is.

Like you, with DD1 I was trying other things for sleep but nothing never worked like the boob. When she went to nursery she napped for them so I knew she could fall asleep without it and slowly my husband was able to do bedtime as well as me when she was about 15months.

It's harder to let DD2 contact nap when toddler is around but we make it work.

I've decided this time just not to stress about sleep. Contact naps, co-sleeping etc whatever gets everyone the most rest. I know until about 6-8 months that means not much 'me time' but that's a small sacrifice and such a short space of time.

And remember, feeding to sleep is so biologically normal! There aren't many mammals who put their young away from them for sleep!

Yep boob is on tap. She must latch and relatch without me even realising as she does 7 hour stretches sometimes.

I agree with PP. If whatever you're doing now works then I wouldn't change anything.

It's a short phase and eventually they won't need us to fall asleep anymore.

I'm just waiting on DD2 to start taking a bottle so I can have an evening off haha.

try pumping and feeding her the bottle.

4month sleep regressions can be tough. personally I'd suggest ripping off the band-aid and getting rid of all props. May lead to a few days of torture, but weeks of better sleep.

@WhatTheEll my little one is almost 4 months now & she needs either rocked too sleep or boob to sleep. She is getting hard and hard to put into her own bed without waking so I’ve started to co sleep the past few nights purely so that I can get some hours of sleep in!
I’ve just come across this thread and wondering what you ended up doing & now sleep is now? Thanks!

It got worse before it got better with wake ups after 40 mins! I introduced a dummy for naps and bedtime. Took a while for her to take to it but since 8 months she can replace it herself and she's sleeping through and good for naps.
What I find is important is even if she wakes, end of nap or in the night, she doesn't cry, she's happy in her space now in the dark.
Fingers crossed you can get to a good sleep place. All I would say is allow time. I know it's easier said than done xx

@WhatTheEll thanks for replying! I do keep trying a dummy but she won’t take it which surprising me as she’s always sucking her hands so thought she’s like it!
I do keep trying to remember that it will pass and get better, everyone says so anyway haha!

Sorry but you've been misled - an infant can't self settle, they do not have the appropriate brain development to do so, leaving them to cry is very distressful for them and only teaches them to give up, even 5 minutes is a long time for an infant that young.

Feeding to sleep is biologically normal, and it's often the quickest and easiest way to get baby to sleep.

Please have a read on biologically normal infant behaviour and sleep, Sarah Ockwell-Smith is great for information and gentle tips.

Please don't let baby cry to sleep - they need you ❤️

Also... sleep training culture is so full of misinformation... each baby is different, some thrive on a routine and some don't and it just causes more stress. Mine never needed a blacked out room to sleep, I think sometimes we create more work than needed.

it's this sort of advice that causes more stress!

Sleep props? No... biologically normal needs.