18mo refusing cot for the first time

[Bedtimeforever]

Hi,

My 18mo has slept in his cot in his room since 3/4 months. We have been through various rocking to sleep phases, sleep regressions, waking through the night but usually come out successfully on the other side and back to full nights of sleep again. One problem though however, he stopped falling asleep himself at 11m and required one of us to lie with him. Would fall asleep within 10-15 mins so this was okay.

However as he got older he started getting excited with someone in the room and we were in there 1-2 hours at a time till he fell asleep. Decided to try Ferber method at 17m and let him cry, but go into comfort him after certain times. Worked really well for him. He started to even nap himself - something he’s never done! Two weeks later we went on a 8 day holiday where he would refuse travel cot and come co sleep in the middle of the night. He could climb out himself.

Back home he has absolutely started refusing the cot. He is screaming and so upset and aggravated. Before, he would never wake up upset. A lot of the times he would settle himself back to sleep. Now he wakes screaming so upset and just gets louder and louder. He’s even worse with DH - going through some serious separation anxiety with him so if he settled him into the cot he's actually jumped out twice 😓 luckily he didn’t get hurt. If I put him in he is not as bad - but still bad.

I am so sorry for the long post - just thought I would explain the context. I guess what I’m asking is:
a. Has the sleep training then going on holiday completely traumatised him so that he doesn’t want his cot anymore?
b. Does this mean DH shouldn't put him in his cot and it should just be me? (as he has started climbing out)
c. How can we improve the situation?

thank you in advance.

I'm not the best person to advise you because I haven't ever done sleep training and pretty much go with whatever my toddler wants ie bringing into our bed, but settling in the cot if possible etc. In terms of response, once there's a certain noise I can tell that she needs help to regulate her emotions and prevent adrenaline and cortisol levels spiking so tend to bring her into bed until she's calm and dozing them we try again.

I think there's a major leap at this age so personally I wouldn't panic and would do whatever you need to all get some sleep!

Okay that makes sense thank you.

Bumping…. In case there’s anybody else about!

Like above maybe I'm not the best to ask because we barely used a cot and we bedshare and don't sleep train.

If he can climb out of the cot I think you need to ditch the cot because it's not safe anymore. Hamstringing him with a sleep sack might stop him if your not already using one but I'd just ditch the cot. Floor bed, lie with him and then roll away?

If he has separation anxiety I wouldn't be pushing him away further but making him feel secure.

Do bedtime together with DP for a bit? We had to do this with DD but DS (17 months) so far is more flexible

DS 18mo isn’t there yet but I’d heard (from who I don’t know) that they’re probably ready for a bed when they start climbing out. I don’t think that will be a magic bullet given he’s attached to DH, but when he does get out and come to find you it’s an opportunity to physically put him back in his bed. That feels like a proactive thing rather than leaving him where he doesn’t want to be which feels passive. I can’t explain this well sorry. And very easy for me to say when I haven’t gone through it! We tell DS “it’s bed time” when he gets frustrated and, if DH says it, he usually understands enough to settle himself.