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Sleep

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Original poster

Controlled crying not working!! Use another method or stick it out?

44 replies

IMB711 · 08/01/2023 19:02

Hi all, wondering if anyone can help me. 8 month old has to be held and rocked to sleep and then generally wakes up in the night (we rock and then he goes back to sleep).

We tried CC/Ferber for the past 5 days and he has stood up, gone to one corner and cried uncontrollably for over an hour.

We're a bit lost as to what to do? Do we stick it out or try another method? Gradual retreat maybe? Somebody please help.

OP posts:

ImaginaryDragon · 08/01/2023 19:52

The baby whisperer Tracey Hogg (An oldie buy a goody) was much better than controlled crying IMO. Easier on baby and easier on me.

ChristmasTensions · 08/01/2023 19:52

He’s an 8 month old for God’s sake. You are his parent and he has no one else in the world there to look after him. Provide comfort.

ChristmasTensions · 08/01/2023 19:54

Just re-read your post and I’m actually flabbergasted that you thought this was OK. Your baby will be feeling traumatised by his cot now. Well done…

RandomMess · 08/01/2023 19:54

I would starting with holding him to go to sleep rather than rocking. Rocking until drowsy/relaxed but not until he his asleep.

I think you need to replace rocking with cuddles then cuddles to going awake in a cot doing Pick Up Put Down method.

He will likely be very resistant after the recent trauma of being left to scream for so long.

anotherscroller · 08/01/2023 19:58

If it’s not working, it’s not for him. I think it only works for about 5% of babies?
just love him, cuddle him, you’re all he has in the world.
babies don’t do “methods”, you’re just getting to know each other

Reluctantadult · 08/01/2023 19:59

I can understand why you don't want to rock anymore, and why you want to support your baby to learn to self settle. It doesn't sound like this is working though. Which is why you posted! I would stop controlled crying for now. Read up on it again if you want to give it another go in a month. I think 10 mins is too long but mine are older now so it's a blur. Perhaps for now you could replace rocking with a shush pat in the cot, then if that works just a shush, if that works just sit there, if that works then sit further away. So more of a gradual retreat. Gradually withdrawing the amount of input you're doing. Sorry you're struggling! It will get easier.

Geranium1984 · 08/01/2023 20:02

We would go in every 3 mins, cuddle so he was calm then go back out.

I got him attached to a comforter toy before doing the training so he had something to suck on.
I also got him falling in the cot with my assistance (shush and pat bottom), I could also tap the mattress.

AnnaTortoiseshell · 08/01/2023 20:29

I feel like these responses are harsh. There’s so much advice online that is conflicting and I’m sure OP is doing what she thought would help. She’s come here for advice not to be criticised.

OP, it doesn’t sound like it’s working for your DS right now. If he is used to being rocked to sleep he won’t know what to do when you just put him in the cot and leave the room. I would try to get him used to settling in the cot with you next to him, shushing and patting. Then you can reduce the amount of input you have over time, and build up to him self settling.

Original poster

IMB711 · 08/01/2023 20:42

Hi all, thank you for the suggestions. I appreciate that sleep training isn't for everyone.

Thank you to those that have suggested other methods. I will try those and see whether it works.

OP posts:

COOKIEDOUGH222 · 08/01/2023 20:49

Please please do not do this to your child. He is calling out for. Don't leaving him wondering why you won't cuddle him..

FlounderingFruitcake · 08/01/2023 20:52

I’m generally all for sleep training and would not want to be rocking either so I get why you’ve tried. Some of the replies here are a bit harsh but sorry to say I do agree with the sentiment of most of them- what you have been doing is not working and it sounds highly distressing for baby. The 4pm catnap will be a big part of any sleep issues. He’s fighting it and going to bed at night. I’m surprised you’ve jumped straight to sleep training without dropping that first. So that definitely needs to be the first port of call. Then maybe go for a more gentle method. Disappearing chair could be worth a look. Good luck.

golfwidow88 · 08/01/2023 20:56

This is utterly heartbreaking. That poor baby.

BabyOnBoard90 · 09/01/2023 07:21

Emmamoo89 · 08/01/2023 19:26

Ignore negative comments. Some people need to sleep train. Better to have a happy sleeping baby than a sleep deprived parent. Which is very dangerous.

I would echo this. Some babies absolutely need sleep training.

I've found letting them cry it out is often effective when options have been exhausted.

wheredyaparklouissss · 09/01/2023 08:10

Perennis · 08/01/2023 19:11

Your baby sounds normal. Being rocked to sleep and waking in the night is normal.

Of course he's crying. You're not responding to his needs. In fact you're attempting to teach him that you won't be attending to his needs, presumably for your own convenience.

You don't have to do this to him.

I agree, it just makes no sense. Would we leave an adult to cry alone without helping? Why/why not?

itsabigtree · 09/01/2023 08:28

I'm not against sleep training but this feels a bit much for an 8 month old. I'd try again at 1 ish.

Original poster

IMB711 · 09/01/2023 08:59

Out of interest, to the mums that waited until their baby was 1...did you find there was a lot of resistance? And what methods did you use?

OP posts:

RandomMess · 09/01/2023 09:26

I'm an advocate of sleep training but you need to think through the stages.

Current sleep association is being rocked until fast asleep in your arms. What are the stage in between that and being but down awake in a cot and baby getting themselves to sleep.

I would work on stopping the rocking and just cuddle instead.

Then cuddling until sleepy and put in cot with pick up put down method (no leaving them upset)

Then you shorten the cuddle etc.

I would also introduce a comfort you and a phase such as shhh sleepy time and patting as they can be used in the cot.

nobodygirl2023 · 09/01/2023 09:29

Yeah agree with other posters that 10 mins is too long as a starter. We did ferber and our starting point was 1 min then 3 min / 5 min / 7 min / 10 min.

Rarely went on longer than 7 mins before she went to sleep at that age.

nobodygirl2023 · 09/01/2023 09:31

IMB711 · 09/01/2023 08:59

Out of interest, to the mums that waited until their baby was 1...did you find there was a lot of resistance? And what methods did you use?

I did Ferber when baby was 7 months. It worked really well and we got a good 12-18 months of fairly decent sleep out of it, although toddler sleep became a whole different ball game so it wasn't fool proof either and any success with it won't necessarily last in my experience (esp once in toddler beds that they are able to just get up and out of on their own).

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