Anyone's child not have a bed?

[whoami24601]

DS7 rejects his bed and has done for years. He slept in his own room from birth until last summer but from about age 4 would sleep on the floor instead of his bed. He currently shares with DS4 and they have the IKEA Kura bed which is a high sleeper with a mattress underneath. DS4 on top and DS7 on the bottom. I was hoping him being low down would mean he would sleep on his mattress but he still chooses the floor. He's currently on a camping roll mat with a duvet on top and then sleeps in a sleeping bag! He's being assessed for ASD so maybe it's a sensory thing? Anyway their bedroom isn't massive and it seems silly to have this mattress taking up a load of space but not being used! Would it be crazy to turn it into a reading area or something else and ditch the mattress? I know a lack of a bed can be a red flag for social services if he mentions it at school and don't want to end up in trouble.

Yes. That would be crazy.

Every child must have a bed they can use, even if they don't.

Can you make the bottom bunk into a nice reading area without taking away the mattress? Put cushions and stuff there, but keep a duvet.

I think it’s important that he has the choice to sleep in a bed of he wants.

My 7 year old DS often chooses to sleep on the floor. There's many a time I've gone up to check on him and he's sprawled out on just the carpet. He says he prefers it. We've just got him a new mattress in the hope he'll find it comfier.

I wouldn't get rid of the mattress completely. He may well change his mind at some point. Could you turn it on it's side and lean it against the wall?

Have you tried putting a board between the mattress and the sheet. A relative of mine had problems with his back and had to sleep on a hard surface but apparently was told that a board on top of a mattress was preferable to the floor.

My DS's bed isn't slats it has a solid flat bottom if that makes sense. He doesn't sleep on the mattress it's pushed to the side and he sleeps wedged between it and the wall. Previously he slept in a kids tent on the floor. (He has sensory processing differences)
Could you get a hard bottom that he can just move the mattress if needs be.

I know it's a space issue but gosh, if he is happy and sleeps well, I would stick with it. Why make a problem where there isn't one? You can always push the bedding back under the bed?

Btw hundreds of thousands of children do not have beds, not by choice but because their families cannot afford beds. So yes, many children sleep without beds.

It's not an issue for me at all that he sleeps on the floor, but our house is small and wasted space is an issue! I wasn't going to bin the mattress. Was thinking of putting it in storage incase he changes mind at some point? Would that really be so bad? Can't really tip it up or prop it anywhere in the room where it won't be in the way... I did ask him what the issue was and he said he didn't like it because it was too dark, though that wasn't an issue with his old bed and he didn't sleep in there either 🤷‍♀️

@LLadySweetPea there isn't an 'under the bed' as his mattress is on the floor.

Why though? Can you elaborate?

Could you try putting a nightlight near to his bed and see if that helps?

our 14 year old still hates a really dark room - we have to take a small plug in nightlight for hotel rooms where there’s likely to be proper black out curtains.

My DS slept on the floor until he was about 8 or 9! He was on the bottom bunk and I think he didn’t like being enclosed. We had the cot mattress on the floor when he was first in a bed in case he fell out, so I think that’s why it started.

I absolutely wouldn’t get rid of the bed/mattress . He will probably just suddenly change his mind.

He has a nightlight clipped on to his bed right now! He said that but he's not very good at explaining what he is thinking. I don't think he hates the bed per say. Periodically I did used to insist he slept in it and he would happily, but given the choice will always opt for the floor!

Could you get a fold up mattress (IKEA does one) that could be under the bed, as a little seat for your reading nook but you could unfold it for him if he changes his mind?

No please don’t do this, his ability to have options is more important than you having that space. Put him first.

You need to keep the bed. It doesn't matter if he doesn't sleep in it.

But it's such a huge red flag for neglected children that it's not worth the risk to you and your family of putting the mattress in storage.

Also, you might find he suddenly changes his mind. If it's there he can just sleep in it. If it's not, he's going to have to communicate to you that he wants the mattress back which will put much more pressure on and be more difficult for him.

One of mine has recently accepted a bed after years of lugging a mattress around the house and sleeping wherever they felt cosy. We had to bribe them with a special themed bed...

You have to keep some form of bed available. You can always set it up as a day bed, for reading in the day time. Not having a 'normal' bed will not be a red flag if there is good reason, but I think for a young, rapidly growing/changing child you have retain permanent access to a comfortable bed as they may change their mind/preference at any point.

However if he wants to sleep on the floor - let him of course.

This

Of course your child needs a bed

So don't give him the choice.
If he will sleep in the bed if told to, then tell him to. The more he does it, the mire familuar it will be.
You've got to think that you're teaining him for future life- wanting to sleep on the floor a the time will be weird when he's older!

I was going to say this. Lean it against the wall or put it onto of ds4 mattress unless that makes it too high. It is the absolute bottom bar for socail care on meeting a child's needs

I think it is like:
My child doesn't like wearing their shoes, shall I stop buying them?
My child doesn't eat much, shall I stop cooking for them?

You have to just have these basic things available. You do the right thing, and they choose whether to accept or reject.

This is not a bad idea. I wonder if this would be acceptable?

That makes perfect sense to me. Well explained!

He definitely finds it harder to settle in the bed. We slept at my friend's house at Christmas and she'd set up a little bedroom for him. He asked to go to bed early as he was so tired but then couldn't get to sleep. He didn't say anything but I asked him if he wanted to lie on the floor. He was so relieved and was out in minutes!