Help - what do I do next

[wideawakemummy]

Hello!

I am mum to a 6 month old baby who is not a good sleeper. We were hit hard by the 4 month regression and have had frequent hourly wake ups since then.

He was always a contact napper but will only nap for 30 minutes either in the cot or on me. If I want a long nap it has to be in a moving pram or car. I am doing lots of long walks!

Up to a couple weeks ago I was rocking him to sleep - but I managed to get him to settle in his cot with patting (I rocked him 90% then put him down and patted him, then gradually stopped the rocking and just patted him). After that, I dropped the patting at bed time and after his usual routine I would just put him down and he self settled to sleep. This felt like big progress - but it has made absolutely no differed to his night time wakings. It seems like he still can't self settle when he wakes up in the night (or for naps).

So even though he settles himself at the start of the night, after an initial stretch of about 3 hours he wakes up every hour! I then have to pat him or feed him back to sleep. Usually for the first wake up I can just pop his dummy back in and do a quick pat on his belly and he will go back, but with every wake up it gets harder to settle him.

If I want more than an hour between wake ups I have to bring him into the bed with me - but even then he wakes up every 2 hours! I try not to do this as I don't want to create a co-sleeping habit but sometimes in the middle of the night when I am knackered I give in. I don't want to co sleep though - we only have a standard double and my OH is quite a big guy so I feel like there isn't really space to safely co-sleep.

I am looking for any advice on the next stage of gradual sleep trainings - anything that has worked for you in the past? I thought I was making good progress but I'm just not sure what to do next!

I am a bit reluctant to do CIO and I am also a bit worried about dropping night feeds totally as he has always been on the skinny side for his length - I'm not looking for him to even sleep through at this stage, just to stop the hourly wake ups!

I think he wakes up partly for comfort since he likes to sleep on me, partly out of habit and partly because he is just not capable of connecting his sleep cycles on his own.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated! I've driven myself mad reading sleep blogs but they all just seem to me telling me I'm doing everything wrong without giving me a solution so I thought I would turn to the wisdom of Mumsnet!

Thanks

Xx

No advice unfortunately, just some moral support and to say I am in EXACTLY the same boat as you right now. It feels even harder because my baby WAS sleeping through the night, and now has started waking up hourly! Like yours, doesn't really seem to want anything besides dummy or a cuddle. I'm trying to tell myself it's just a phase and it'll die down eventually. He is my third so I know it won't last forever, but it feels like forever when you're in the midst of it 😭 do whatever you need to do to get sleep, even if it means co-sleeping for a little while. A functioning mum is far more beneficial to everyone than a knackered one, so if co-sleeping for a couple of weeks helps get you through and you can find a way to do it safely, then do what you need to do. Hope it passes soon ❤️

Thanks for replying - nice to know I am not alone and a good reminder that it's hopefully just a phase - even if it's a phase that has been going on for what seems like ages! I think I need to remind myself that progress isn't always a straight line!

Fingers crossed your little one sorts themselves out soon. X

What’s his day time routine - feeds and naps?

At the moment we are roughly doing:

7am wake up
8am BF
9 am Breakfast
10 am 30 minute nap at home
11 am BF
1pm Lunch
After lunch out in the pram for a walk - can often take 40 minutes to get him down but he will to be sleep for 2 or 2.5 hours
BF whenever he wakes up from nap (usually 4pm ish)
6:30 bath - BF and bed by 7

But I've tried all sorts - 2 x 30 minute naps plus a long pram walk, shorter wake window before bed, additional BF in the afternoon and none of seems to make a difference. He had taken to weaning like a champ and is eating a lot. And has lots of milk during the night as I end up feeding him back to sleep so much.

Ok I could suggest a few small tweaks to help.
when he wakes at 7am is he hungry? How come he waits an hour for a feed?
what does breakfast consist of

first nap I would do 9.15-10am, yours is a bit late and a bit short which would start a build up of overtiredness.

next breastfeed you could do at 10.30 then leave an hour before lunch at 11.30. For lunch you can offer protein such as flaked salmon fillet, chicken in risotto, spaghetti bolognese

Next nap 12-2.30pm ideally in the cot so you also get a nice break in the middle
of the day.

2.30 breastfeed

5pm carby supper eg mash potato, baby pasta minestrone
5.30pm bath

6pm feed

6.30pm bed AWAKE not asleep

Thanks - will give it a go.

He isn't hungry when he wakes up because he will have eaten last at 6 usually when he does his wake up - basically fed back to sleep pretty much every hour from 1 am!

Ok. Of course your biggest thing is not to feed to sleep. However it’s much easier if you know your baby has eaten and slept well in the day!
be sure to give a sippy cup of water with meals to make sure he is not hungry, also keep him warm and comfortable enough at night.

what’s his sleep environment?

Sorry - I missed some of your questions

Breakfast usually porridge or banana.
He is allergic to cows milk so I'm a bit restricted on breakfast options.

Agree that the morning naps is too short but I just can't get him to do more than 30 minutes unless we are moving!

Haven't introduced dinner yet as still new to weaning but might start soon. He usually has protein and veg for lunch - had salmon and veg today.

Can you start to introduce a "transitional object" that he takes to bed with him eg teddy or comfort blanket thing. If you can get it to have your scent on it as well that might also help ( pictures op walking round all day with a teddy stuffed in her bra!).
Some babies respond well to white noise too!

Yeah I guess I need to stop feeding him to sleep during the night - it's just the easiest way to get him back to sleep. If I pat him or rock him to sleep it doesn't work as well and he ends up getting really upset and we have a split night.

He sleeps in our room still, nice and dark, warm enough. I did use white noise for a while but observed it making no difference to him - he has always responded better to lullabies than to white noise, so I do have some lullabies on when he is settling himself to sleep at the start of the night. Tend not to use them overnight as I think it's too stimulating.

Is he in a sleeping bag? What’s he wearing clothes wise?

it might be time for him to go in his own room. Up to you though!

We co-slept from 4mo to 10mo then did sleep training using the book 'the happy sleeper'. If you do sleep training make sure you follow a set method so you're not piecing together conflicting stuff from the internet.

My 6 month old has been a terrible sleeper all along, although it was due to reflux and colic to begin with. Didn’t think we could regress any further, but sleep regression at 5 months was awful and I ended up often spending 2 hours to get him down for 45 min stretches as he would ping awake as soon as he was put in the crib.

Just before Christmas things came to a head and I ended up putting him in his own room one night (I had wanted to wait until he was 6 months corrected as he was a few weeks early). It was a game changer… although far from
perfect (some terrible nights alongside the good) his sleep is so much better. He even (occasionally) self soothes which I never managed to get him doing in the crib, and is having some nights of 4-5 hour stretches.

Not sure why, but for whatever reason he is so much happier in his own room. And he loves to spread right out in his big cot too.

If he's in your room, could you be waking him accidentally? Or he could be smelling you there so wants you, whereas he might not if he can't iyswim.

I know you don't want to CIO, but how quickly do you pick him up if he cries? As DD got older or became easier to distinguish between 'mummy I want you' cries and 'urgh, I just want to sleep' winges, I stopped going to her for the second unless she was really struggling too resettle herself. That was a bit easier once she was in her own room though!

It's just a phase though and will pass!

Fascinating - I was holding off putting him in his own room until his sleep got better as I thought it would be easier to deal with in our room rather than getting fully up and out of bed every hour! Mainly because I thought but would be less disruptive for me!

Hello! Life is soooooo hard when your little one doesn't sleep well. I have some advice which you hopefully find interesting...

At 6 months old your baby needs:
12-15 hours of sleep per 24 hours
2-3 naps per day
2-3 hours of awake time in-between naps.

Look out for these following sleep cues:

1. Your baby appears to stare in to the distance and loses interest in you and the activity you were doing.
2. Your baby becomes very still or has sudden jerking movements.
3. Yawning
4. Pulling at own ears or face You need to respond to these cues quickly before your baby becomes over tired. An over tired baby is extremely difficult to get to sleep and stay asleep. This is because when a baby is overtired, the hormones of cortisol and adrenaline are released.

The next sleep regression is around 7 months old. There are certain factors that make sleep regressions last longer than the 'normal' 2-6 weeks:

1. The developmental milestone that has been achieved just before it occurs.
   You need to provide your baby with lots of opportunity to practice their new developmental milestone during the day. This makes it less novel more quickly, meaning they don’t want to be practicing it when you put them down for nap or bedtime and sleep regression is quicker.

2. Whether or not your baby associates you or a feed with sleep.
   If your baby still needs your help getting to sleep and staying asleep, then the 4-month regression will last longer for your baby than that of the baby who can get themselves to sleep without the association of you or a feed.

3. How you respond to the sleep regression.
   Try your best to keep a consistent nap time routine and a consistent bedtime routine. Keep the bedroom dark enough that you couldn’t read a book and limit distraction such as wall art and mobiles. Yes, they look pretty, but they are a distraction for your baby who needs to learn to go to sleep and stay asleep on their own. Use a white noise machine to cover up any noises you are making around the house. This will help your baby fall and stay asleep at the end of their sleep cycle.

I hope something here is useful for you! Good luck with it and I hope you get the sleep routine sorted soon! Fee Xx

I was the same and couldn’t face an even worse night. Then decided to go for it when things couldn’t get any worse as there was nothing to loose!

This is going to sound ridiculous, but my first was my best sleeper and went into his own room at 6 months. He liked to feed to sleep…to wean him of this and get him to settle in the cot I initially lent over the cot (with the side down)and fed him there- yes really! Then gradually worked on patting to sleep, then just a hand on his back, then just me in the room. It was done in a couple weeks I think.
He still woke up but not as often in his own room.

Hi op, I think what you describe is proof that self settling is not the key to baby sleeping through. I think it's a myth myself, mostly when people think it has worked it's because they've taught the baby that no-one is coming.

My experience is that sleep is really up and down for the first year and a bit and babies can be dicks sometimes.

Usually there's a myriad of different things that could be waking them and it probably isn't the same thing each wake. I've found these things to make the biggest difference to my son -
• right day time routine so baby is right amount of tired at night
• right temperature
• no light coming into the room
• floor bed, at least when they wake you can lie down whilst getting them back to sleep then slink away

Good luck, and just when you think you've got it sorted something will change again.

Thanks for your response! Stupid question about White Noise - do you leave it on all night? I have a Snuz Cloud white noise machine which only goes for 30 minutes. I used to put it on when he went to bed and after every wake up - but to be honest I never noticed it make any difference. And then when it run out of batteries I didn't get round to changing them and noticed no difference in his sleep so I just gave up. Is the issue that I've not got one going all night?

I just wanted to thank everyone for their suggestions - we've made some changes and his sleep has gotten so much better - first wake up wasn't until 2.50 am last night!

We did the following:

Moved him into his big cot in his own room
Stopped feeding to sleep before 4am
Introduced a comforter (although he does seem to ignore it)
Added an extra vest to sleep in so he is warmer
Got him on 3 meals a day

No idea if any of these were the magic solution or if he just happened to be developmentally ready to sleep for longer stretches but I feel so much better now!

Thanks bro you all!