Kids not sleeping until really late!

[Natbat87]

Hi all,
Just looking for a bit of advice...
I have a 7 year old and 5 year old and they just will not go to sleep at night, constantly messing about playing up together and totally ignoring me and my husband.
This has been going on way before Christmas and we are at a loss now.
We've tried all the usual things, no sweets, no tablets before bed, taking all toys out of the room, threatening to tell teachers at school etc but nothing is working. It's so frustrating because I know they are tired but just won't listen, it's affecting our marriage now because every night we are up and downstairs telling them off and they just don't care!
We've tried being calm, doesn't work, tried explaining they need to sleep to do well at school and stay healthy but it's like we don't exist, feeling so helpless now and I just can't cope! Please help if you can.

Do they share a room?

That sounds really hard!
My sister had 2 daughters like this.
I'm not sure I have much to offer but I would stop trying to reason with them. You're only explanation needs to be "Eight o'clock is lights out and off to sleep for kids under ten in our family." Or whatever time is right for them!

Mine is much younger and we've had some nights since moving house when he's still awake after ten! I hate it and get super stressed but it's only when I've been able to let go of my own emotion that I can help him settle earlier.
Only other advice I would say is go gently. Maybe think to yourself, we'll work on good bedtime hygeine in 2023. So you don't feel like it all has to be set right by tomorrow.

No they don't share a room. Separate but it doesn't matter whether they are together or separate. On holiday they shared but been back in their own rooms since and still a nightmare

How is it going OP?

I have a 5 year old who once upon a time went to sleep 7.30. pm, now she's awake til at least 9pm. So I feel your pain.
What time do they wake up? Mine seems to sleep 11 hours regardless so if we want her asleep at 8 I think we have to wake her at 7.
Do you have the option of separate rooms, at all? Might that help?

Gosh sorry you already said about separate rooms. It sounds incredibly rough.

I'm sorry things are so tough. Having no evening to yourselves can break you. You need to establish a routine and stick hard to it. This is what always worked for me:

Bath/ shower every night at 7/ 7:30pm -gives them one to one time and attention.

Not allowed downstairs afterwards.

In bed with a story - either together in one room all tucked in the bed (choose one story each), or one story each in their own rooms.

If one of you is doing it on your own one child can look through another book/ read by themselves/ build a little lego/ draw whilst you're doing the other.

The 7 year old gets to stay up half an hour later - makes them feel a little grown up.

Cuddles/ a song together maybe, kisses and night-night. Door ajar/ light on if they need it.

If they get up taken straight back and told 'Time for bed' each time. Don't lose the rag.

A reward system if things are tough is always good. e.g 5 nights no coming down= a treat at the weekend (swimming/ Park + cake at the cafe/ extra half hour doing an activity/TV/ gaming/ special film etc). Use visual reward- dots on a board/ piece of card on the wall/ little balls in a tube etc.

It can be done, you just need to persevere.