Anyone had a baby/toddler completely take against dad at night?

[BertieBotts]

DS3, 16 months - very insistent and clear that it has to be me at night only. If DH tries to settle him, he gets increasingly distraught almost as if he is frightened. If we are both there, he waves at DH and says "Night night" (which means he wants him to go away) he may also say "No" and point at the door.

He will immediately calm down if I appear and settles with me.

The only thing DH can do if DS is unsettled at night is fully wake him up and take him to another room to play. Obviously, that's not what we want him to do at night!

I am breastfeeding, and aware this might obviously play in but it's not something that I want to stop yet. I am considering night weaning over the next few months but it's not something that I am likely to rush into. My other children were also breastfeeding at night at this age, but were able to be settled by other people, even though they preferred me, they didn't have such an extreme reaction. Nobody else has ever looked after DS3 (pandemic baby).

DH is very involved and TBH, often the favourite in the day - he will look to DH for comfort if he's hurt, ask him for help, want to sit on his lap when tired etc. It's literally just between the hours of 7pm to 7am

My DD is a bit like this, can't tell you why. For a while she wouldn't let DH put her to bed at all unless I was out of the house. We made an effort to change that but with the nights I just do it because I can't be bothered with the battle.

The thing is he refuses DH even if I'm not there which is a pain because I really want to go for a weekend away but feel I can't leave him. Leaving him for an evening is guilt enough! And it's crap, I want to go out once in a while.

DS3 is the same.

I have no explanation just sympathy x

@BertieBotts what happens if you go on an evening and leave them? I know we've had a few evenings where I have gone and sat in the car and DD screamed at DH for 20/30 mins. However we always found this got easier after a couple of nights. What I found helped was to tell DD I was going so she was sort of prepared and to go before the bedtime routine started so I didn't play any part in it. Do you think DH just needs to push past the resistance a bit more or is it really unmanageable? (I say this as someone who generally would never leave a child to cry, didn't sleep train etc. and I know what its like to feel like you are just not quite trying hard enough when really you are trying very hard! ).

He just gets more and more upset and the only thing DH can do to calm him down is take him to another room to wake him up. Then he'll happily (ish) play, watch TV, eat etc, albeit grumpy, so not terrible if I go out for the occasional evening, but I have a couple of things planned, there is a birthday weekend away that I really want to go on - about 45 mins away so could just come home for the night but how annoying!! And I really want to join a choir/singing group that meets weekly.

We have actually moved him to the bedroom with DS2 now that we had planned for them to share. He does well in there until about 1am and then he wakes up repeatedly looking for me and I bring him into our room rather than be up and down like a yoyo every 15 minutes.

I actually think I am going to night wean the same way I did with DS2. DS2 was about a year older but he's taken to the new bedroom better than I expected so I think it's worth a try.

The problem with me leaving before bedtime is I have absolutely no idea how DH would get him to sleep or even communicate to him that it is time to sleep. His bedtime routine is teeth - PJs - story with DS2, then I take him into another room with the lights dim, sleeping bag on, feed to sleep, carry back through.

DH could potentially bring him into the dark room and just cuddle him but no idea how that would go TBH. He'd probably just start demanding daddy play time!

Both my two were like this and to be totally honest, they didn't get better till they were aged 3 and a bit. It's been a really tough run. Number 2 was difficult for my DH through the day too. No real explanation and heartbreaking when all DH wanted to was to be involved and supportive. However now, DH is totally accepted and much less regularly shown the door, although number 2 still often opts for no second story and pulls stroppy faces at him!

Yep. DS had no interest in DH until he was about age 3, and if DH tried to do bedtime or a night waking DS would freak out.

Babies don’t care much about dads, they’re all about mum.

If that's true then why is it always suggested as a might weaning strategy to get dad to go in? It must work for some babies. Just not mine clearly!