Completely lost and depressed about sleep

[forreallife]

Baby is 13 weeks and has never been a great sleeper but I was getting a 3-4 hour stretch at the beginning of the night and then a mixture of 1-2 hour stretches in the night. Over 12 hours I was getting enough sleep to feel ok! It's just getting worse and worse though. Now wake ups are max hourly and to resettle with a dummy takes an hour sometimes as the minute it falls out he wakes and cries. The dummy is how he goes to sleep at the beginning of the night so if I get rid of it there will be screaming as he won't feed or be rocked to sleep. In the day I use the sling for naps although he has taken a few short cot naps with the dummy but I prefer to be out and about and he sleeps longer in the sling too.

I'm honestly at a loss with how to cope and just feeling more and more miserable. I don't expect him not to wake up but I need three hourly stretches rather than hourly or less! Amy advice? Should I ditch the dummy and accept there will be tears at bedtime?

Hi @forreallife
Firstly, so sorry to hear that you're going through this, the sleep deprivation of the early days after baby is born and unknown of when you will have more sleep is TOUGH 💐
Secondly, it you can afford it I got through this stage with my DD by using the Louenna Nanny app. It's £30 for a years' subscription and amazing really for all the resources on there. In brief though, consistent routines are her No. 1 rule. Also a slow bedtime at 7pm after bath and massage and stories with a full tummy (naps at 8.45am, 1pm and 4pm are advised for your baby's age group having just checked the app).
Thirdly, if the dummy works then why stop. You need rest and baby needs rest there is plenty of time to ditch the dummy when you're feeling more rested.
Lastly, you're on the thick of it now, but this time will pass (coming from someone who never thought it would), hang in there.

@BecuaseIWantItThatWay thank you for your advice, i also have a 13 week old.

Thanks @BecuaseIWantItThatWay I'll have a look at that app. I'm not actually sure the dummy is working in the grand scheme of things as I think he needs to be sucking to be asleep and the dummy falls out all the time. Each night just gets worse tonight he is waking every 15-40 minutes after one one hour stretch and one two hour stretch. It can't be good for him to be so tired and it's going to destroy me! I have an older child too and she just sees me cry all the time because I'm so exhausted. Just feel like I'm failing all round and while I know logically it will pass (had bad sleep problems with older daughter) I don't know when and I'm so very sad that yet again the baby months are being ruined by awful sleep. Sorry just feeling very bleak right now!

So sorry for how you're feeling! Is there any possibility of leaning on a family member or hiring a night nanny for a week to ease the burden? How much more difficult it must be when you have another child too!
Know it isn't much but sending you best wishes from afar.

Try to go cold turkey with the dummy. Yep, she will not be happy and will cry about it, but she needs to learn how to settle off to sleep without it.

Try rolling her on her side in the cot, holding her firmly and patting her thigh while shhhing (shush-patting her in her cot. ) Time it. She will cry but she will go over sooner than you think. Each time you resettle her the time should get shorter.

Right now she can't get to sleep without it. it's a habit, so when she wakes up each sleep cycle (45 mins/1hr) she has to cry for you to put it in.

After 1 or 2 tough nights she should get over the habit and get back to linking her sleep cycles up again. Good luck mama.

Time to get rid of the dummy (sorry)!

sarahockwell-smith.com/2017/05/09/how-to-gently-wean-from-a-dummypacifier/

Thank you. I think people saying lose the dummy is kind of what I know needs to happen! Even now bedtime has taken 30 minutes of crying (and me cuddling and putting back down) and that's with me offering the dummy so it's not like it always works that well at bedtime even. He finally took it and fell fast asleep poor thing. Not sure what the night has in hold for us!

@tasamoon Given that I'll essentially be doing pick up put down to get him to sleep without the dummy is that ok at his young age? He's only 13 weeks old it seems mad but he has to sleep somehow and I can't walk around the streets with him in the sling all night!