Will stopping breastfeeding help?

[bluenoseelephant]

Hi all

DD2 will only sleep at night with my boob in her mouth. She sleeps amazingly during the day in her crib, but will not do this at night.

I can't even sneak away once the boob has fallen out her mouth in deep sleep; she wakes up within 5 minutes.

If I stop breastfeeding will she sleep independently? I don't even mind cosleeping it's just the discomfort of her sucking on my nipple all night that I can't bare anymore. She's 3.5 months. She's trying to roll too, so I reckon we're on our way to the 4 month regression.

She refuses a dummy and a bottle. Even if the milk is freshly pumped (so I don't really know how I plan on feeding her if I stop breastfeeding, I'm just so desperate!)

I’m so sorry you are going through such an exhausting time op. Sending you sympathy - this too shall pass.

I’m sorry to say that statistically speaking ending bf does not increase mothers’ quality of sleep. There is more on this on the Basis website and Kellymom.

Have you got an alongside cot at all? Just thinking could you feed her in the cot plugged in to you and then wait until she’s very deeply asleep before you move away and put the cot barrier up safely etc?

Bottle refusing isn’t a problem for leaving them for a bit once they can take bm in a sippy cup - mine could do this from about 6/7 months iirc.

kellymom.com/nutrition/starting-solids/solids-sleep/

Thanks @MissHavershamReturns

I should recall all of this from DD1, but I feel like all common sense goes out of the window when you're exhausted!

The problem is she doesn't stay asleep without the breast. We're bedsharing and I've tried moving to the side once she's fast asleep, but within minutes she starts frantically searching for the boob. You'd think I've left her to starve!

Mine was like this.

I stopped bf when she was age one.

She slept wonderfully for a week - then went back to waking every 45 minutes through the night like she had before. I massively regretted stopping breastfeeding as it was so much harder to soothe her without my milk!

She grew out of night waking at age 2.5ish.

I wish I had found a solution to share with you but babies are insane. Lovely, but insane. Some sleep, some don’t. If another mum has a sleeping baby that does not mean her advice will help you or that you are doing anything wrong.

I have no answer 🙈

Thanks @Oher You are right.

DD1 slept at night in her crib but only contact napped and DD2 is the exact opposite but I haven't done anything different!

It's just a phase I need to ride out I guess and just pray it gets better

I have 3 DCs all in their teens now. But yes. They all slept through the night for the first time after I stopped BFing at around 8mo each. Coincidence or not, who knows! But for us it had definitely become more of a comfort thing than a food thing by that point and I wanted my body back to myself so I stopped and the sleeping was an added bonus.

“Babies are insane” love that. So true.

DD was like this until 19 months, she'd wake hourly and need a boob in her mouth constantly. Only thing that worked was night weaning and she's gone from 10+ wake ups to once a night

My first had to sleep in contact with me and hanging on to a nipple. He’s five and still doesn’t sleep through.
My second did three hour blocks from the day she arrived and slept through from 8 months, I’m still feeding her and she’s two. She slept in the bed on her own eg I rolled away and left her in a bare bed.

I know exactly how this feels OP, my boy was the same until 6 months but around the 2 month stage we introduced a dummy for night time which helped immensely at keeping him asleep after managing to finally de-latch!

This stage won't last long x hang in there!

Tommee tippee do a realistic bottle in their closer to nature range, i had them and theyre soft silicone. Make sure you get the right ones if you do. Your baby might take those instead of the hard plastic bottles. You might find a realistic dummy too, you get ones that, to the baby, feel like a boob & nipple

Echoing @amispeakingintongues, my little boy was exactly the same, but introducing a dummy really helped. I had to try a few before finding one he liked.

Some babies are just poor sleepers and it's unlikely that giving up breastfeeding will help. At least you have the means easily at hand to soothe her when she does wake fully.

Is your husband or partner available at night times? If he can comfort her through the times in her cycle when she is shallow sleeping and a bit restless, before she wakes fully, then she might settle without needing to suckle. Without your scent, she might drift off peacefully. Or she might be outraged by the lack of breast and immediately want to 'speak to the manager'! It's worth trying.
Can you get some time during the day to catch up sleep?

Thank you all for your words of encouragement!

@Redebs my husband is around but he is currently recovering from a football injury which means he can't walk her up and down to sleep like he used to (convenient, right?) otherwise, he's normally very hands on.

@refuge123 thanks for the dummy and bottle tips. I have tried MAM since that's what DD1 took (though not till 5 months) and lansinoh, but haven't tried Tommee tippy.

I'm so conflicted about weaning. She's too young to only night wean as she still needs milk, but I know I'll regret stopping breastfeeding altogether if it doesn't lead to sleep improvement.

I'm hoping it's just the 4 month regression, but since we've been cosleeping since day 1 I thought I probably wouldn't notice it. How wrong was I!!!

I never thought I would use a dummy but I was given six as presents before DD was born.

I am so fucking grateful!!!

I tried it as a last resort at 3.30am and it worked. Now it is my first defence when DD is unsettled and it works about 80-90% of the time.

We do slept too op, following all the safety guidelines. The regression hit us with a vengeance! But in the end I pushed through and things did improve.

I know how hard it can be though so sending you lots of sympathy and a

Co slept! Not do slept

I could have written this myself. We've just done night 1 of gentle sleep training with a specific bespoke plan and it has been AMAZING for self settling. Hope things improve for you x

By the way no, you don't need to stop BF. Your baby needs to learn not to rely on it for a sleep aid. That means self soothing techniques and feeding in bright lights whilst wide awake. This is the advice I've been given anyhow.

Sleep training totally up to each individual, and completely get that everyone has to decide what’s right for their own family.

Personally I have two dc who sleep brilliantly now as older dc. No sleep training at all and both co slept and fell asleep feeding every night until 2 or 3 years old. So there’s definitely no issue with not sleep training and it’s fine to let them fall asleep having bm. Choosing not to sleep train does not mean they won’t later learn to settle and sleep independently.

I like this bit on feeding asleep from Kellymom kellymom.com/bf/normal/comfortnursing/

Forgot there’s also some really good stuff on sleep training on the Durham University Basis site.

www.basisonline.org.uk/hcp-the-costs-of-sleep-training/

“In most cases, however, children will learn to fall asleep by themselves when they are developmentally ready to do so, regardless of ‘training’ received.”

There are a few research studies that have looked at whether sleep trained babies actually sleep better and apparently they don’t.

“at 4 months post-intervention, and at a later follow-up at 3-4 years old, there were no differences between groups. They also found that there was no difference between in maternal coping, stress or family functioning at this stage with regard to presence or absence of sleep problems at this point.”

if you bottle feed your baby to sleep, then a similar issue will arise to breastfeeding to sleep.
whatever the method of feeding, what helps a lot is helping your baby to fall asleep AFTER a feed, not during.
I would be focusing on that.

Not on the evidence as far as I understand it - feeding to sleep as a baby makes no difference to larger ability to sleep