Gradual retreat from co sleeping, advice needed!

[Newbiemum76]

Hi, my LO will be 7 months next week and we are cosleeping with the sidecar cot (normal cot size but side taken off and pushed against our bed), we have been doing this since he was 4 months following a really bad sleep regression. I would like to put the side back onto the cot as he is starting to move around more and I’m worried for safety etc so I would like to do some form of sleep training that isn’t cry it out BUT I need to get him to self settle himself as this is the biggest issue!

Our current bedtime routine is bath, change into pjs, bottle, bum patted to drowsy state, put into sidecar cot - he will then roll onto his side/back and I will either hold his hand or the side of his arm depending what position he’s in. He’ll sleep for 30/40 minutes like this and then wakes, he struggles to put himself back to sleep without either being held and bum patted or hand holding and shushing. He generally is a good sleeper when asleep, only waking once for a feed overnight.

I will then sit next to him while he’s asleep until I’m ready to go to bed myself but I would like to leave him and go downstairs and have my evenings back to spend with my partner. I tried this once and he was so unsettled even when I went into him straight away and I’ve been to nervous to try it since. I would love some tips on how to help baby self settle and then how to do gradual retreat!

@FATEdestiny I feel like you may have some helpful tips!

All and any tips/advice is welcome, I am a first time mum so feel like I’ve got no clue! Especially when a few friends have babies of similar ages to mine and they all seem to go to sleep on their own in their own rooms for the whole night! Where did I go wrong? 🙄

Should also add - he does already have a dummy!

Just try it? Babies are weird like that, one day something will be completely unacceptable and the next time you try they have no problem with it. Babies self-settle when they're ready and don't need anything. I've also been cosleeping with mine since the 4 month regression, and once we set up a floor bed when he started crawling at 5.5 months I started rolling away when he was asleep. At first he needed resettling at least twice in the evening before I was ready to go to bed and join him. I always nurse him to sleep and always have done, but then one day when he woke up about 40 minutes after putting him to bed I only made it half way down the stairs when my husband called me back as he'd watched the baby go back to sleep on the monitor. Now he does it regularly, he's 7.5 months. Just tonight I watched him on the monitor sit up in bed, look around, find dumbo in the corner, pick him up and chomp, waa briefly, then shake and chomp dumbo again, lie down, sit back up, waa again, flap his arms, lie down again, scrunch himself into a ball and eventually settle on his tummy with his bum in the air and go back to sleep. The whole time I was fiddling with the buttons of the monitor convinced it was broken as he wasn't making any noise except for the two brief whimpers.

Can only share my experience...I was doing similar to you but got another cot so I could be DD in the cot while I was downstairs and then would bring her in my bed once I went to bed. At some point between 6 months and a year she started being easier to leave and would stay asleep longer. I didn't do anything except just keep trying it. She couldn't self settle though and has only learnt to self settle aged two, however she got much better at getting back to sleep/connecting sleep cycles without us doing anything by the time she was a year. I remember there being quite a while where we would rock to sleep, put her down, she'd wake up after about 40mins, we'd rock her back to sleep and the she'd do 2-3 hours which was my evening. I'd just keep trying in terms of helping your little one settle back to sleep, you just have to risk it a bit and accept some nights it'll all go wrong and other nights you'll get a few hours to watch telly on your own but at some point he'll probably get better at it/you'll find it easier to quickly settle him

We did gradual withdrawal at about 11 months and it went far better than expected but this was probably just luck.

went from co-sleeping with him latched on all night to him in his own room.

approx stages were:

1. Moved to co-sleeping in his room (mattress on floor)
2. him in cot and me on mattress, holding hands.
3. as above but me leaving once he was asleep.
4. not holding hands then leaving once asleep.
5. getting rid of my mattress and me sitting until he was asleep.
6. me leaving when he was awake and popping back in regularly to reassure until he was asleep.
7. me going off “to do something” and hoping he’d just nod off.

I thought it would take forever but fortunately it progressed quickly. Soon as he accepted one stage I moved onto the next.