Do I need to sleep train?

[Shoegal03]

My 9 month old has been a very wakeful sleeper ever since he was 4 months old - he wakes regularly during the night (usually every 2 hours), often needs a feed to go back to sleep although I’ll try to settle him without, and doesn’t like sleeping in his own room (we were co-sleeping until recently due to the frequency of the night wakings, and now he is staying in his own bed until 2am-ish when I just give up trying to get him to go back to sleep in his own bed as he goes back to sleep very quickly once in my bed)

My question is really, do I need to sleep train him or if I ride out this time, will his sleep naturally improve on its own?

I’m managing ok with the broken sleep - although it can be a bit painfully tiring during the night, I usually feel ok once I’m up in the morning but I’m worried that when I go back to work full time early next year it will become more of an issue.

Im not anti sleep training but feel overwhelmed by the idea of it - I really wouldn’t know where to start.

Id love to hear from anyone who is in the same position or who has been through similar and come out the other side.
I just really want someone to tell me ‘this is what you should do’! There is such conflicting advice on the internet in terms of what is developmentally normal for a baby of this age.

thank you!

Yes it will get better on its own, but it might take a long time.
We tried a bit of controlled crying but quickly realised it wasn't for us. Ended up night weaning at around 11 months. Basically cuddled/rocked/sang whatever just didn't feed. Thought he would never sleep as had always been fed to sleep, first night was rough but he slept through within the week, and had been waking every 2 hours at least before that point.

Second baby slept through from 3 months but then it all went to pot around 12 months 🤷🏻‍♀️

I know your start back at work seems soon to you but in baby terms it's ages away. 8-10 months is known as the worst sleep regression in the first year because of separation anxiety.

I'd keep doing exactly as you are until baby has been at nursery a few months and us settled there. Then see how the land lies.

I night weaned ds at 15.5 months and it really improved sleep. I wouldn't have bothered at your stage as he would have just kept on waking up regardless. It had improved a lot on it's own by 11 months anyway.

Put a big mattress on the floor of his room (get rid of his bed if you need room). Put him to sleep there. By himself when you can. You climb in with him when necessary.

He will naturally sleep on his own when he can and with you if he is sick, or his routine is disturbed.

Eventually he will start sleeping through the night. And in the mean time you will maximize sleep for everyone, time in your own bed, and independence for your boy.

You can put a stairgate across the door to keep him contained, and store toys elsewhere if distracting.

This really good advice. Our ds has had a floor bed since 7 months old. It's just his cot mattress though. But means you can lie with him until he's fallen asleep. A bigger mattress would be even better.

There’s almost never a need to sleep train (occasionally if parents really aren’t coping but not nearly as common as it’s done). Yes sleep will develop and change in its own time. Some babies just wake more than others, I know it’s not easy. 8-10 months is also often a really hard period for sleep for a lot of babies (it was for us) continuing to cosleep so you don’t have to move much will help. There’s no reason not to feed to settle either unless you really want to. Personally I continued to bedshare and feed to sleep until 18 months when he went down to one wake. No traipsing around the house in the night really helped me not be tired, it was fine going back to work because I did what I needed to protect my sleep rather than worrying about what I was ‘supposed’ to do. There’s no reason a baby needs to be in another room or needs to settle without being fed. Do what’s easiest for you.

That should have said ‘this isn’t good advice’ not mostly good advice

We sleep trained DT’s at six months to time with me going back to work full time. We used a sleep consultant and the routine at nursery also helped. We moved them into separate rooms at six months as one twin or the other would wake each other and us. They were formula fed from birth. They were already sleeping through the night but not consistently and the sleep training helped with the routine.

Here's what we did:
Night weaned ds at 5 months, over a period of 2 weeks (because he was ill halfway, you can do it in 7-10 days)

Controlled crying for a week at 6m. Saw some initial good results then the crying got too much for me.

Moved to a fade out method:
Nights 1-4 do bedtime routine, put baby in cot awake. Shush, pat, sing. Sit by the cot with arm through the side. Hopefully baby calms before falling asleep so that by night 3, you are just sitting there as they drop off, rather than actively patting and shushing at that moment. Stay until baby is fast asleep.

Nights 5-7 do bedtime routine as above but put chair a couple of feet from cot. Shush and sing but avoid physical touch. Fade out so again, baby is falling asleep in moments of silence rather than relying on your voice. Stay until baby fast asleep.

Nights 8-10 do bedtime routine, put baby in cot awake, but get rid of chair and stand by the door. Shush and sing. Stay til baby is asleep.

Beyond night 10 (this is where we have been for a few weeks now) do bedtime routine, put baby down awake, sing as I back out of room and close door. Watch on monitor as baby falls asleep.

With this method we had no tears after night 2, and we now have usually one night time wake up to replace the dummy.

Things to think about:

1. My DS has a dummy to fall asleep so it's a bit of a crutch. When he wakes in the night sometimes he can self settle, sometimes he needs me to put the dummy back in. Very very rarely does he need picking up or anything else. We are hoping to get rid of the dummy in the new year.
2. Depending on how big your baby's room is you might want to take another couple of nights sat on a chair further away before standing by the door, if it's a big room or the cots on the opposite side.
3. If baby is really distressed or inconsolable I do go and pick him up, give him a cuddle and put him back again. I don't leave him wailing. This is rare and usually due to something else now like a cold or wind, he's very happy to put himself to sleep 99% of the time.
4. Sleep environment - we have full blackout no nightlight, with white noise. We use the glow dummies so we can put them back in without putting a light on.

It's worked for us, with minimal tears and everyone sleeps better. Ds is now 7.5m. Good luck!

Hi! Just wanted to get an update from you. I’m in a similar boat to whether sleep training is necessary. Do you mind letting me know what you ended up doing?

Hello,

We didn’t do any kind of sleep training in the end!

The changes we made were quite simple - we got him a floor bed big enough for us to sleep in too if necessary, so we stopped bringing him into our bed, and at 13 months we night-weaned him.
It only took 2 nights of my husband cuddling him when he woke, and then he stopped expecting milk in the night.

I think this made a huge difference, he started sleeping much longer stretches very quickly, and now he does sometimes sleep all the way through the night, or only wakes once (at which point I’ll go and lie next to him till he goes back to sleep - he just wants some company..)

I’m very happy with how things are :)

good luck to you too!

thanks for the reply! Sounds like a nice gentle approach will keep that in mind when mines a bit older!