Need your tips! How do you help your baby to fall asleep?

Starpop · 2022-12-21T11:46:09+00:00

Hi knowledgeable mumsnetters, please tell me all about your techniques for helping your babies fall asleep. My baby currently breastfeeds to sleep at night and either breastfeeds to nap or naps in the car/ pushchair if we're out and about. He will be 4 months early Jan so I want to start implementing different techniques to help him fall asleep / self settle.

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Fixyourself · 21/12/2022 12:45

Why? That's a normal way for a baby to fall asleep.

Original poster

Starpop · 21/12/2022 13:09

Because when he feeds to nap I'm then stuck on the sofa until he wakes, I can't transfer to a crib as he wakes up. And we co-sleep at night again can't transfer him to a crib because he wakes. I've read a few times that 4 months is the age babies start to learn to self settle before that is too young. So I thought I would ask for advice/techniques from real Mums on how they help their babies to sleep in the hope I can try a few and they might help my baby.

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ramblerambleramble · 21/12/2022 14:16

I was doing the same as you when DD was 4 months, except I usually managed to transfer her to her crib asleep after feeding to sleep. Around 4 months I started to shush pat her in her moses basket for naps. It would take about 20 minutes at first but then gradually she got better at settling herself. She suckes her thumb which helps, but you could try a dummy?

Original poster

Starpop · 21/12/2022 16:23

ramblerambleramble · 21/12/2022 14:16

I was doing the same as you when DD was 4 months, except I usually managed to transfer her to her crib asleep after feeding to sleep. Around 4 months I started to shush pat her in her moses basket for naps. It would take about 20 minutes at first but then gradually she got better at settling herself. She suckes her thumb which helps, but you could try a dummy?

Thank you, did she cry while you were doing shush pat? I try him with a dummy sometimes he'll accept one usually in the car but most of the time he won't. He does put his hands in his mouth a lot so I wonder if he'll start sucking his thumb.

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ramblerambleramble · 21/12/2022 18:49

She did a bit but more just tired, frustrated crying, not properly upset and not continually for the 20 minutes, she would stop and start. At first I turned her on her side and patted her back that way. Then when she was asleep I'd gently let her roll back onto her back. Then gradually I moved to just patting her chest gently. Not sure why but the turning her onto her side seemed to work better at first. Also the shushing has to be a long sshhhhhhhhhh sound rather than shshsh if that makes sense. I also started a little routine with her of doing the same things with her prior to every nap and bedtime. Nappy change, sleeping bag, short book, say a quick catchphrase (something like Sophie, it's time to sleep now, see you when you wake up). Good luck, hope you find something that works for you.

Elderflower2016 · 21/12/2022 19:10

Yes I did the shush Pat method too as the previous poster described. On their sides to start with… I swaddled mine and put a sheet over them and tucked it in underneath the cot mattress. I think it helps if you don’t wait until they are overtired… first sign of a yawn or rubbing their eyes/ face against you get them
in the crib! Good luck

Original poster

Starpop · 21/12/2022 20:01

ramblerambleramble · 21/12/2022 18:49

She did a bit but more just tired, frustrated crying, not properly upset and not continually for the 20 minutes, she would stop and start. At first I turned her on her side and patted her back that way. Then when she was asleep I'd gently let her roll back onto her back. Then gradually I moved to just patting her chest gently. Not sure why but the turning her onto her side seemed to work better at first. Also the shushing has to be a long sshhhhhhhhhh sound rather than shshsh if that makes sense. I also started a little routine with her of doing the same things with her prior to every nap and bedtime. Nappy change, sleeping bag, short book, say a quick catchphrase (something like Sophie, it's time to sleep now, see you when you wake up). Good luck, hope you find something that works for you.

Thank you so much for that, that's so helpful :)

OP posts:

Original poster

Starpop · 21/12/2022 20:03

Elderflower2016 · 21/12/2022 19:10

Yes I did the shush Pat method too as the previous poster described. On their sides to start with… I swaddled mine and put a sheet over them and tucked it in underneath the cot mattress. I think it helps if you don’t wait until they are overtired… first sign of a yawn or rubbing their eyes/ face against you get them
in the crib! Good luck

Thank you, shush pat sounds like the way to go! Right, got you first signs of tiredness I think that's where I go wrong sometimes!

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motleymop · 21/12/2022 20:04

My baby stopped feeding to sleep of her own accord but required a LOT of singing and shusshing in my arms before being lowered into her cot.

motleymop · 21/12/2022 20:04

Oh and walking up and down the room whilst singing

FrizzledFrazzle · 21/12/2022 21:08

4 months I was doing the same as you but I was generally not super careful to put him really gently into the cot, so sometimes he'd stir a bit but was able to go back to sleep either on his own or with his dummy.

5 months everything went bonkers. He got ill and spent a week either being held or sleeping upright in his pushchair. Then we moved him to his big cot (why? Why did I do this??) and he started waking up every time I put him down in it. Or sleeping for 15 minutes then waking up. It was so crap.

Anyway, the useful bit:
Last week, I started replacing the nipple with his dummy once he got close to the end of his feed. Then picking him up and placing him in his cot to finish going to sleep there. Started with him basically asleep, progressed to sleepy looking but eyes open. I try to do that after each night feed too (not so easy - he just feeds and sleeps). So far I stay lying next to him, but not touching him. In 4 days it's eliminated the failed put-downs almost totally and I feel human again.

That's for night sleeps though - daytime naps are mostly in the buggy on the go.

Original poster

Starpop · 21/12/2022 21:12

motleymop · 21/12/2022 20:04

My baby stopped feeding to sleep of her own accord but required a LOT of singing and shusshing in my arms before being lowered into her cot.

Thank you!

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Original poster

Starpop · 21/12/2022 21:14

FrizzledFrazzle · 21/12/2022 21:08

4 months I was doing the same as you but I was generally not super careful to put him really gently into the cot, so sometimes he'd stir a bit but was able to go back to sleep either on his own or with his dummy.

5 months everything went bonkers. He got ill and spent a week either being held or sleeping upright in his pushchair. Then we moved him to his big cot (why? Why did I do this??) and he started waking up every time I put him down in it. Or sleeping for 15 minutes then waking up. It was so crap.

Anyway, the useful bit:
Last week, I started replacing the nipple with his dummy once he got close to the end of his feed. Then picking him up and placing him in his cot to finish going to sleep there. Started with him basically asleep, progressed to sleepy looking but eyes open. I try to do that after each night feed too (not so easy - he just feeds and sleeps). So far I stay lying next to him, but not touching him. In 4 days it's eliminated the failed put-downs almost totally and I feel human again.

That's for night sleeps though - daytime naps are mostly in the buggy on the go.

Thank you, I was wondering about doing that with a dummy because sometimes I think he's finished feeding and has started snoozing with nipple still in his mouth so I'm well and truly stuck!

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GinnyBee · 22/12/2022 13:51

Self-settling to fall asleep is not really developmentally appropriate from 4 months. It’s actually much much later, like 3 or so years old. Some kids need help falling asleep until they’re in school. Of course this doesn’t mean parents are breastfeeding or bouncing on a yoga ball with a 6-year-old, the method of support changes with age so it may become
just lying next to them reading a story or holding their hand. It also doesn’t mean they need that help every time they slightly rouse at night, despite what many online blogs will tell you. It’s lies.

Mine is nearly 8 months now and has always been either nursed to sleep or naps on the go in a carrier or pram. Sometimes now, without any “training”, he will unlatch at bedtime before he’s asleep, roll around for a bit, stroke my face and babble, then go to sleep. And if he wakes at night and doesn’t need anything he can go back to sleep on his own, or occasionally just a quick touch to let him know I’m there will do the trick. I’ve watched him many times on the baby monitor sit up in bed, whimper a little, rub his face and lie back down.

All this stuff is developmental. Independence is borne out of secure dependence.

Elderflower2016 · 22/12/2022 19:55

For me, the shush Pat method isn’t self settling… you are with them and touching them the whole time! I did this from when they were really tiny and it worked well and means after a while popping them in their cot at nap time whilst awake is totally relaxing for them. Best of luck finding a method that works for you and your children OP.

Summer2424 · 22/12/2022 20:02

Hi @Starpop my DD is 11 weeks.
If you want to settle your baby at night so you can sleep too, try giving baby a bath before bed and breast feed / bottle. No bright lights in the room and also no tv in the room.
Hope the above helps x

SalviaOfficinalis · 22/12/2022 20:06

My advice is to try different things, but don’t be disheartened if they don’t work. Some baby’s brains just can’t do it at that stage. 6 months is really the turning point.

I tried and tried to get my baby to sleep somewhere apart from on me at 4/5 months and it just didn’t work. Wish I had just accepted that he wasn’t ready yet instead of persevering and stressing myself out.

Original poster

Starpop · 22/12/2022 20:27

GinnyBee · 22/12/2022 13:51

Self-settling to fall asleep is not really developmentally appropriate from 4 months. It’s actually much much later, like 3 or so years old. Some kids need help falling asleep until they’re in school. Of course this doesn’t mean parents are breastfeeding or bouncing on a yoga ball with a 6-year-old, the method of support changes with age so it may become
just lying next to them reading a story or holding their hand. It also doesn’t mean they need that help every time they slightly rouse at night, despite what many online blogs will tell you. It’s lies.

Mine is nearly 8 months now and has always been either nursed to sleep or naps on the go in a carrier or pram. Sometimes now, without any “training”, he will unlatch at bedtime before he’s asleep, roll around for a bit, stroke my face and babble, then go to sleep. And if he wakes at night and doesn’t need anything he can go back to sleep on his own, or occasionally just a quick touch to let him know I’m there will do the trick. I’ve watched him many times on the baby monitor sit up in bed, whimper a little, rub his face and lie back down.

All this stuff is developmental. Independence is borne out of secure dependence.

Interesting! Gosh there is so much conflicting information and advice around. It's so useful hearing from actual Mums though, so thank you

OP posts:

Original poster

Starpop · 22/12/2022 20:28

Elderflower2016 · 22/12/2022 19:55

For me, the shush Pat method isn’t self settling… you are with them and touching them the whole time! I did this from when they were really tiny and it worked well and means after a while popping them in their cot at nap time whilst awake is totally relaxing for them. Best of luck finding a method that works for you and your children OP.

This is true!

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Original poster

Starpop · 22/12/2022 20:28

Summer2424 · 22/12/2022 20:02

Hi @Starpop my DD is 11 weeks.
If you want to settle your baby at night so you can sleep too, try giving baby a bath before bed and breast feed / bottle. No bright lights in the room and also no tv in the room.
Hope the above helps x

Thank you, he LOVES the bath so this could be a good plan

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Original poster

Starpop · 22/12/2022 20:30

SalviaOfficinalis · 22/12/2022 20:06

My advice is to try different things, but don’t be disheartened if they don’t work. Some baby’s brains just can’t do it at that stage. 6 months is really the turning point.

I tried and tried to get my baby to sleep somewhere apart from on me at 4/5 months and it just didn’t work. Wish I had just accepted that he wasn’t ready yet instead of persevering and stressing myself out.

Thank you that's helpful to hear, I will try not to get stressed if it doesn't work and go with the flow a little. He will get there in the end. I also have a 19 year old so I know they don't need to breastfeed to sleep forever haha

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solomumbychoice · 22/12/2022 21:53

I did this around 6 months but started btwn 4-6 months to cut the feed to sleep. Evening routine is bath, massage, feed, book, cot. Really calm, low lighting. Once in cot, put in sleeping bag and sing twinkle twinkle in the dark. My LO is now 9 months and he self settles sometimes. If we get the timing right! If not, I sit with him and keep my hand on him in the cot. But back when he was 4-6 months, I used to rock him in the cot back and forth. At 6 months I gave him a muslin and that I think has made the difference. I strongly recommend not pacing around as it will hurt your back eventually! And trying to stop the feeding to sleep sooner rather than later... how you implement your nighttime routine is yours to create. I would be consistent though for a while and start the actual falling to sleep in the cot as step one, with you right there for as long as it takes. Often people find daytime easiest to start with

Original poster

Starpop · 23/12/2022 00:13

solomumbychoice · 22/12/2022 21:53

I did this around 6 months but started btwn 4-6 months to cut the feed to sleep. Evening routine is bath, massage, feed, book, cot. Really calm, low lighting. Once in cot, put in sleeping bag and sing twinkle twinkle in the dark. My LO is now 9 months and he self settles sometimes. If we get the timing right! If not, I sit with him and keep my hand on him in the cot. But back when he was 4-6 months, I used to rock him in the cot back and forth. At 6 months I gave him a muslin and that I think has made the difference. I strongly recommend not pacing around as it will hurt your back eventually! And trying to stop the feeding to sleep sooner rather than later... how you implement your nighttime routine is yours to create. I would be consistent though for a while and start the actual falling to sleep in the cot as step one, with you right there for as long as it takes. Often people find daytime easiest to start with

Thank you this is really useful advice, I find it super helpful to hear others routines

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GlitteryGreen · 23/12/2022 00:24

Following this with interest, my baby is 14 weeks so a little bit young to try much yet, but I genuinely can't see how we'll ever get her in her cot at the moment.

Like yours, she falls asleep either feeding or in the car/pram. Sometimes others can get her to sleep by walking around/rocking her but I've only managed this about 4 times so far. Can't put her in basket/cot as she just wakes up, so we're having to co-sleep and often she even wakes up when I'm placing her on the mattress next to me and just wriggles about until I latch her on again
She's not great at side feeding so I usually end up having to sit up and hold her again or she just writhes around making frustrated noises.

I am in awe of people who can put their sleeping/drowsy babies down in a cot!

Original poster

Starpop · 23/12/2022 00:39

GlitteryGreen · 23/12/2022 00:24

Following this with interest, my baby is 14 weeks so a little bit young to try much yet, but I genuinely can't see how we'll ever get her in her cot at the moment.

Like yours, she falls asleep either feeding or in the car/pram. Sometimes others can get her to sleep by walking around/rocking her but I've only managed this about 4 times so far. Can't put her in basket/cot as she just wakes up, so we're having to co-sleep and often she even wakes up when I'm placing her on the mattress next to me and just wriggles about until I latch her on again
She's not great at side feeding so I usually end up having to sit up and hold her again or she just writhes around making frustrated noises.

I am in awe of people who can put their sleeping/drowsy babies down in a cot!

My 14 week old has just started doing the fussing until he's latched on again and also not good at side feeding!

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