Thank you in advance for reading this, it's a long one and I'm v emotional and sleep deprived so hopefully it makes sense and someone has some words of wisdom or something new to try.
The last week or so my son seems to have developed the habit of waking somewhere between 1am and 3am and then not going back to sleep for a couple of hours.
He's never been a great sleeper but we were getting into a groove where he would only really wake once after we had gone to bed(with a couple of quick ones while we were still up and about), at about 2am for a bottle and then straight back down again and asleep until morning. This was big progress compared to his sleep in months gone by.
We have tried it all previously but I've never felt comfortable with leaving him to cry. We stuck with gradual retreat for many many weeks at one point and this included putting him down awake etc. Eventually we ditched it as it didn't work.
We have a consistent bedtime routine of bath, bottle bed every night. Low stimulation. White noise. Only a small red light for night wakings and little to no interaction when he does.
He's breastfed during the day and a very good eater of solids.
He's a very active baby and took his first steps about a week ago. I read everywhere that half the issue is that babies want to 'practice new skills ' at certain developmental milestones but feel this is a bit of a cop out as he gets lots of time to do this in the day and that's not what he's doing at night.
On a USUAL night waking, what happens is he'll cry out as usual, I'll go in and pick him up (he's standing or sitting himself at this point and there's no way he will be made to lie back down). I put his dummy back in and hold him in my arms in the nursing chair and depending on the wake up will either hold him and he's immediate back to sleep or give him a bottle, and he's immediately back to sleep. I then wait ten mins or so and put him back down, which as long as I wait the ten mins usually goes without a hitch.
More recently though, he will cry and sit or stand up, I then do my usual but instead of him going back to sleep, he will just stare vacantly. I'll think he's just taking a bit longer to fall asleep and help him along with some face or hand strokes and he'll seem like he's going and certainly seem drowsy, but he just never quite goes or stays asleep. We try various positions and he will be in various stages of drowsiness or sometimes will get a little irritated. This is all while I'm often trying to keep my eyes open and stay calm and collected as it's probably one of the most frustrating things in the world as the realisation dawns that I'll probably be at this for a couple of hours and can't leave or sleep myself 🫠 Sometimes, and the most annoying thing if I'm honest, he'll start trying to climb up me or get up and laugh/play. Which is lovely any other time but harrowing when all you want is for him to sleep!! I'll try most things during this time, offering boob and bottle, strokes, rocking in the chair, everything(!) until eventually he falls asleep and stays asleep after about 2 hrs and if feels like it was all useless and just a case of waiting for him to be tired again anyway and absolutely nothing to do with anything I did.
Then sometimes he'll stay down again until morning or sometimes it's round 2 a few hours later 😫
I should also say, if I put him down in the cot, it's either tears or trying to play and if I leave the room it's like I've broken his heart and I can't do it. I can't face cry it out so please do not suggest this as I haven't got that in me.
I cannot carry on this way though.
His routine is up between 630 and 730, boob, breakfast and then nap 1 between about 10 and 11am. Lunch at 12 and nap 2 between about 2 and 3pm. Never let him sleep past 3 or 330 if I feel he really needs it.
We try to get outside every day, have activities most mornings, lots of time for walking and physical play etc. He is going to bed full and happy and a good temperature.
I don't know if anyone can help, we've never had much luck before when paying for sleep consultants etc, it's always been a case of waiting for things to improve on his terms anyway but I really am struggling at the moment.
My partner "helps" by taking him most mornings for a couple of hours but it's no replacement for good quality night sleep and is always after he's brought him to me to feed first thing anyway so my sleep is still broken, I then struggle to get back to sleep and stay asleep and before I know if he's bringing him back up at 930ish to get him dressed and ready for nap time. My partner works antisocial hours so never does bedtime and almost never gets up in the night. Tackling him and his lack of help is a side issue we should leave for now! Assume I am doing this on my own though is my point, as I invariably am.
Sorry this is so long! I am desperate. I can't remember the last full night's sleep I had and I'm so worried about how I'll cope when I'm back to work in a couple of months.