23 Month Old - Sleep gone to pot

[CupidStunt24]

Hi,

We have a 23mo DS, up until recently he has been put in his cot for nap and bedtime, rolled over and gone to sleep with no issues. Awake 7am, nap 12pm-2pm, bedtime at 8pm. Bar teething and illness, since he was moved to his own room at about 6months, he has always been happy to go to bed. Even if he woke for these reasons, all one of us would need to do is go into his room, let him know we were there, lay down next to his cot and he would lay back down quietly and get himself back to sleep (although this sometimes took up to 2hrs! But manageable if we had pillows and blankets so we could doze). Last week we had a few nights where he would do this, but no illness or teeth - again, not really a problem, pillows, blanket and doze til he went back off. But this has now started with him getting so upset at nap time and bedtime, almost panicky. I'm not sure where this comes from as we have never left him to cry - admittedly he hasn't ever really given us reason to, he doesn't need much input, no rocking etc since he was tiny. Just our presence settles him and he will lay straight back down. Occasionally if he has woken up whining, I will leave him and he goes back off. But this is real upset, almost panic, shouting for mummy and daddy. This is at nap time, bedtime, and then again during the night if he's woken to find we've left the room. He started again tonight when I left the room at bedtime, I returned and laid with him, however this time he kept standing up, bouncing in his cot and saying "mum" to check I'm still there, to the point I felt like I was a distraction. After an hour of this, we swapped (i'm 33wks pregnant so by this point felt like I'd been hit by a truck especially after spending half the night last night on his floor!). I think he's gone off now with DP in there with him. I should add that DP shares this load with me, we have both had stints on his floor. I am sure it's just a phase, but I have this niggling worry that he will just become accustomed to us sleeping in his room with him, which will be difficult when the newborn arrives if for any reason one of us isn't around (DP more so due to work etc). He's still in a cotbed, nowhere near mature enough for a toddler bed yet, that would just open up a whole other host of issues.

I'm worrying that if he's not going to sleep until this sort of time, and then waking in the night for a couple of hours, and fighting his nap, he's going to become a completely tired mess and it will all just get worse. I'm just wondering if anyone else experienced this at this sort of age and how best it was dealt with? Did it just go away again? Did you have to do anything? I'm not sure what the alternative would be anyway to be honest, I can't bare the image of him sitting up in his cot crying for me and not going to him! I was just looking for others experiences at this sort of age.

Thank you

This happened to us around this age and the only thing that worked was dropping the nap completely.

@MolliciousIntent thank you for your reply! I did wonder about this, but he has always been on the "later" side of the nap transitions so it seems a bit premature to drop it, as he wasn't ready for the other transitions until later than most. He also does still seem tired and ready for his nap at 12pm, and also still seeming tired and ready for bed at 8pm, it's just this sudden panic of being left to go to sleep. I will keep in mind though, maybe shorten it a little to start with. I'm just ever mindful of the fact it all goes to shit for him when he gets too tired.

We're also having nightmarish sleep with our just turned 2 year old. You have my sympathy. 2 months ago he was sleeping through or waking once and easily going back to sleep. Occasional early starts but all very manageable.

Then he started to get his back molars so we inevitably had bad sleep, pretty sure they're through now but it'shard to tell. But now he has ear infections which are not shifting. So obviously that is also causing sleep disruption. But it's not just that.

Yesterday they let him have a longer catch up sleep at nursery (we've been capping naps for some time) he went to bed fine and he woke up in pain (screaming and poking his ear) several times last night so gave pain killer and went back to sleep fine. But at 4:40 he just wouldn't go back to sleep at all! Was happy though. That's an abnormally early morning for him. I'm pretty sure it is the longer nap?

It's so hard to tell with the medical issues but do you think the nap could be causing us issues too @MolliciousIntent ? Sometimes in the night he's been waking but not sounding distressed and in pain, just saying mummy and wanting me there, going back to sleep OK and then waking again 15 mins later for more of the same. Much like what you describe @CupidStunt24

@LGBirmingham I think I recognise your name from previous threads I was on about nap transitions etc! It seems our kids go through these things at very similar times. I've also since looked (perhaps should have done this to start with) about sleep going wonky about this age and there are hundreds of threads! I think it must be very common. I just don't know how best to go about it. I want to give him the comfort he's clearly asking for, and am happy to do so. I just don't want to form some reliance on it for him as he's never needed it before. I hate leaving him upset, but also when I'm in there with him and he's pissing about, jumping up and down and generally having a jolly I get a bit cross!
It does sound like you have lots going on with your little one, teeth and ears etc. My son has got 4 of his big back teeth, just waiting for the rest so I'm sure that's just round the corner. Probably arrive bang on time to coincide with baby No. 2 turning up! I really hope your little one is better soon, nothing worse than seeing them ill.

@CupidStunt24 oh blimey they probably do do everything at the same time! Having the right amount of nap definitely seems to be the key for my ds. Hence my many posts about nap transitions on here. It's just really hard to figure out what is the problem for him right now. I think we just have to hope this third course of antibiotics actually clears the infection and reassess the situation afterwards.

I personally wouldn't worry about offering your ds the comfort he's after. I've always found that when ever a medical issue passes or the next appropriate nap routine is found then I'm needed less in the night again. I haven't found it to be a habit thing at all.

I hope you have a lovely break from teething before the back molars. They were he'll over here with him actually screaming in his sleep. Ds has been very early with teeth so I think you shouldn't get them for a bit hopefully.

It really feels like I have a baby again at the moment with how tired I am. How are you coping?

@LGBirmingham I too have had many nap threads in the past, I have honestly let it consume me so much. I find it much better with the one nap in the middle of the day, it just fits so much better and I'm not constantly counting things in my head! I don't think he is at all ready to drop it completely as he was always "later than usual" with the others dropping so I would be very surprised if he is able to go without it. My son got all his teeth really early too, they just all seemed to erupt at once, it's just those very back ones we're waiting on now, I almost just want it done and over with!

I really hope your baby is better soon, antibiotics can also upset their tummies can't they, so I imagine you've got all sorts going on. Bless you maybe in your case with baby being a little bit older playing with the nap a bit might help? Maybe shortening and a little more time awake before bed?

I am ok, I actually find the worry and anxiety of how best to deal with these things is worse than the actual broken sleep! I think I know he just wants the comfort, hence the search this morning for a fold away mattress so at least we can be comfy in there with him, especially for me in these last few weeks of being HUGE!