Help needed! I want my evenings back!

[Newbiemum76]

My (almost) 7 month old has never really been a good sleeper. We co slept from 3/4 months as he was too big for Moses basket but hated the cot.
Have done the sidecar cot thing (took the side off pushed against our bed) since 5 months, he falls asleep after a bottle being held and having his bum patted then can put him down in the cot. He’ll mostly stay in the cot but will roll onto our mattress and cuddle into me sometimes. Wakes up only once for a feed.

Usually sit next to him when he’s in cot (and watch things on my iPad then go to bed couple hours after he’s asleep)and he’s got used to that I think as last week I put baby monitor on and left him, he woke up and I went straight in and tried to settle but he was extremely unsettled and we had a really bad night, he kept waking every 2ish hours crying. Haven’t left him since - don’t know if he’s ready.

I really miss my evenings and spending time with other half. I miss watching things on an actual telly and I miss the occasional gin! (I don’t have any as he’s still half co sleeping with us and half in cot)

Should I just put the side back on the cot and stick with the patting/sitting next to him or should I be teaching him to settle himself so I can leave him with baby monitor on?

Tips/advice welcome! Someone must have an answer!

Watching this thread because we’re in the same boat. Our DD (7.5 months) got Covid back in October, followed by a string of common illnesses, and her sleep has gone to pot.

Hi@Newbiemum76

@moonseas hopefully someone can help us! He’s generally a good sleeper (even better when he’s in bed with us) but I want him to be in his own space now, especially as I’m going back to work soon!

Sorry posted too soon. I don't really have any good advice, except that it will get better. It absolutely will. Mine never settled well as babies, I tried absolutely everything. Nothing worked. They both just did it in their own time

The answer is very simple, sleep training.

@Newbiemum76 Honestly, I’m exactly the same. If we cosleep, she sleeps much better and I can maximise my sleep - but I don’t want this as the default option long term. I’ve been cosleeping while she’s been ill. I’ve come to realise the halcyon days before this were just ‘sleepy baby’ days - she could settle brilliantly in her cot with just sshhing and a head stroke, and feed and go right back to sleep. Since 7 months & the illnesses, she’s become much harder to put down and wants to be held all night (I don’t blame her, it’s much nicer than a cot!). Even her dummy being reinserted doesn’t work now, she often wakes up and wants cuddling back to sleep when it’s still in.

We’re going to wait until the new year and try some gentle methods so we stay with her but she goes to sleep in the cot, we hope this might help.

Your one bad night might’ve been a one off from teething / overtiredness / illness - every baby I know has at least a cold right now! I’d try it again. Every so often my DD goes 2-3 hours straight in the cot so I at least get an evening. However it’s exhausting being on constant alert and you can’t actually relax…

I really really feel your pain. My OH tries to get me to stop overthinking the sleep but she’s been sleeping terribly for 2 months now and it’s a killer. Like a PP said, they grow out of it in time - it’s just a case of waiting it out, hopefully. Sending you virtual coffee!!

It will get better!

We had a sidecar cot from 9 months-ish as DS would wake the instant he was put down and sleeps much better when co-sleeping. Then he climbed the cot and we knew we didn’t have a choice anymore. He never attempted to climb the other side once sidecar was set up.

I would lie down and settle him to sleep then go out and watch on monitor. He rarely went longer than 2hrs until 12 months though. I would just go in every wake and settle him again until I went to bed - sometimes a particularly bad night saw me giving up on my evening and going to bed early. I think it’s very possible that your first night was a bad one and if you try again it might be better.

DS is 15 months now and we moved him into his own room in his toddler bed over the weekend. We’re 3 nights in it’s going really well, we don’t faff around trying to settle him into his bed in the middle of the night, co-sleeping gets us the most sleep which is my one and only goal. So when he wakes he just comes in with us, so far it’s been anywhere from 1-4am. It won’t last forever and I quite enjoy having a little baby shaped hot water bottle in the early hours!