Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

Flip

Original poster

3 yo still doesn’t sleep through

11 replies

MEK0506 · 17/12/2022 22:35

Desperately looking for some advice here

I have a 3.5 yo son who still doesn’t sleep through the night and it’s getting worse and worse as time goes on

He settles into his bed well on an evening, bath story cuddle etc we have a good routine. Stay with him until he falls asleep but usually this is no more than 5-10 mins so not an issue. We rarely hear a peep from him until about midnight, then it begins. Waking crying (screaming) for mummy, begging for me to get in with him, also asks for drinks/toilet etc. If daddy gets up all hell breaks loose - screaming for mummy and will throw things, kick, hit out. It’s like he is possessed. During the day we have none of these behaviours, no hitting or kicking and isn’t one to have big tantrums. No one that knows him believes me when I tell them quite how bad it is.
This will carry on until I come in, lay with him until asleep, within 5 mins of me leaving will start again. It’s relentless.

I now have a 4 mo baby so I cannot just go and fall asleep in my toddlers bed as I need to check on him and do night feed etc. My older son often wakes baby too with his shouting which is awful. I don’t expect my husband to help too much through the week as he leaves for work at 4.30am and has a long working day and I am on mat leave, so I am keen to allow him a good night sleep. He tries to help on weekends but it causes more screaming and tantrums and it’s easier if I just get up!

I am desperate for any tips on how I can break this cycle of him relying on me to cuddle him to sleep each time he wakes, whilst hopefully keeping shouting to a minimum so the others can sleep!

Also any experience from others with children of this age - when did they start sleeping through?

OP posts:

DelurkingAJ · 17/12/2022 22:41

Solidarity, I’m afraid neither of my DSs reliably slept through until about 5. We had limited success with sticker charts from about 3, with a small but much desired prize for about five nights of good sleeping (longer than that we found they couldn’t focus on).

Radically, is it worth all of you co-sleeping (if there’s space)? We used to when DS1 was ill and DS2 was small (DS2 was in a Next-2-me crib so we had space, DS1 was often transplanted back to his bed after the 1am baby feed as he slept like an agitated octopus so DH and I were getting rudely awoken at random but it was better than when DS1 yelled and woke DS2!).

Ricco12 · 17/12/2022 22:45

My son never slept through till the Christmas after he turned 5. So he was 5.5 years old and even then the next 2 years after that were pretty unreliable for him sleeping through

He is 8 now and sleeps through almost all the time.

eddiemairswife · 17/12/2022 22:50

Can He come into your room and get into bed with you? Is the landing light on?

Original poster

MEK0506 · 17/12/2022 23:02

We usually end up with him coming in when DH has left for work, or earlier in the night but my son has a low toddler single bed so my husband has to sleep on that or the sofa which is no good for him or his back. Think the solution may just be to order a double bed for DS room to allow one of us to jump in..

OP posts:

pleaseandthankyou45 · 17/12/2022 23:06

Let him sleep w you and baby. Hubby will have to move out. My guess is it is a reaction to the baby and he wants to be closer to you. I bet you will all get more sleeep!

vincettenoir · 17/12/2022 23:08

No advice but my dd is the same. It’s pretty common unfortunately.

HerReputationMadeItDifficultToProceed · 17/12/2022 23:09

Another one whose kid didn't reliably sleep through until they were at school. Younger one was better but she still has her phases of waking and wanting me now and she's six. Cosleeping was the answer for us. Biggest bd you can fit in the room and everyone gets in. And a bed elsewhere your husband can go to if necessary. Often we started off all four but it got hot or uncomfortable so if DH had work the next day he would go and sleep in the double bed in the elder ones room.

My experience was very much the harder I made it for myself the worse it was. At least with cosleeping we all got some sleep.

strawberryblue · 17/12/2022 23:10

My little one did this and then when he hit 4 it just stopped and he slept through I don't know why but there is hope! X

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/12/2022 23:12

MEK0506 · 17/12/2022 23:02

Do this. Honestly, why fight? He won't be in with you when he's 17.

lifesnotaspectatorsport · 17/12/2022 23:32

Have you tried tackling the issue that he needs you there until he falls asleep?

My eldest DS was an awful sleeper up to 3 and beyond. But the biggest improvement we had was when we stopped staying with him until he slept. I think he would stir in the night and panic because one of us wasn't there. Cue yelling, demanding that we stay, creeping out only for him to shout again 5 mins later and repeat ...

He was about 2.5 when we stopped staying in his room till he slept - so a bit younger. We had a special cushion that we sat on by his bed and gradually moved it towards the door and then outside. Once outside, it was easy enough to say, I'll just be on that cushion and slip away. Eventually we were able to just say good night and that we'd be close by, and leave. It took weeks though.

I now have twins who are just turning 3, and we've also stopped staying with them till they sleep. Definite improvement in the number of night waking/ visits, although they've always slept better in general (possibly because they have each other there).

Hugasauras · 17/12/2022 23:37

Our older daughter (4 in Feb) goes down fine but appears at around 11pm and gets into bed with my husband. I'm in the other room cosleeping with baby DD2. Sometimes it's just easier to accept that's the way things are and work around it! She doesn't even wake him when she gets into bed now if he's asleep, just climbs in and straight back to sleep. I think a lot of people have musical beds going on when kids are young. It won't last forever (and I miss it as she used to come in with me pre baby, and it was a lovely way to wake up)

Flip