PLEASE HELP!?!?!

[Kayleigh01]

Please can someone shed some light on what may be happening with my baby,

11 months old
Breastfed exclusively until 10 months then introduced some formula due to distracted breastfeeding and worrying that he wasn't getting enough milk. He's not a massive fan of formula
3 meals per day
Always been a terrible sleeper, never slept through
Doesn't like being cuddled/held to sleep..

Current routine (roughly)
6am wake
9am-10.30am nap
2.30-3 nap
6pm bedtime routine
7pm in cot
1am awake and fed back to sleep
4am awake and fed back to sleep

He can self soothe (with dummy) for a his daytime naps but seems to struggle to switch off at bedtime despite being tired. Usually we end up sitting in his room for 30minutes+, laying him back down in his cot, shushing him, putting our faces near him until he falls asleep.

For the past few nights he has woken up at 9pm hysterically crying, taking atleast 30 minutes to calm down and resettle and no one thing works it's just trying picking him up, trying to feed him, putting him back in his cot?! I feel like a complete failure. One night he screams at the bottle so I don't try the next night and then after 20 minutes try the bottle and it calms him.
This is really getting me down. I go back to working 13 hour shifts next month and I'm freaking out!!
Also he will settle the same for his dad at bedtime as he does for me but if dad tries through the night he becomes hysterical. How will this work when I am working nights?! 😭

Please help.

The only thing that really jumps out at me is that the majority of his day sleep is over by 10:30am. He only sleeps for 30 mins between 10:30 and 7pm, even my 20 month old would struggle with that! Struggling to fall asleep along with a 9pm wake up upset screams overtired to me. This is a veryyyyyyy unpopular opinion on Mumsnet but I used to wake both mine from their morning nap (gasp) to guarantee a decent lunch nap. At 11 months I'd do 30 mins from 9-9:30am, then long lunch nap at 12pm for 1.5h minimum (you may find he does longer as he'll be tired enough for a good nap by then. Mine always did 3h at lunch, the 20 month old still does). Then 7pm bedtime. It may also help push his wake up a bit later as he won't be using the morning nap to compensate for early waking.

I would also try to persevere with self soothing at night time. If he can crack that and you can try to avoid overtiredness then it sounds like he has all the other tools for a good nights sleep.

I’d tend to agree re:naps. Try a shorter morning nap and a longer afternoon nap. Or even one longer nap in the middle of the day. I think both of mine were on one long nap after lunch (12-2ish) by that age, although they were both early nap droppers generally.

I don’t think taking 30 mins to settle at bedtime sounds unusual at all.

Thank you @ProserpinaProserpina,@somuchtolearnabout so much for your advice!

We tried the short morning nap and longer afternoon nap today and he has managed to self sooth this evening - no fussing! 😊 Now we will just wait and see if he wakes up upset in a few hours! I really hope this is the answer!🤞

Thanks again!! ♥️

That's brilliant @Kayleigh01 what a clever boy! 🤞🏼 for a good night. Remember though, even if it doesn't go perfectly tonight it's still an improvement and he went off happily to sleep tonight. That's a great achievement. You may need to persevere but he will get there in end, just stay consistent and hopefully everyone will soon be happy and well rested!