5 week old fights every nap and won’t be put down

[DesperateFTM]

I know this will have been posted a thousand times and I’m sure I’ve read them all so I’m not sure what else I’m possibly looking for other than reassurance and anything new to try.

My DS is 5 weeks + 4 days, born at 39 weeks, 6lb 3oz and a positive delivery - just in case any of that helps! He’s always been super alert, he’s EBF and gaining weight well (last weighed at 8lb 11oz). DH went back to work after 2 weeks and is a teacher so no WFH. My mum and sister help but not everyday.

He has always been an awful sleeper and I thought it would have improved by now but feel like it’s getting worse.

He won’t be put down to sleep (will happily be put down on his mat to chatter away when he’s supposed to be awake). He’ll sleep on me for 1.5hrs or on someone else for max 40 minutes but is an extremely light sleeper and there’s no guessing whether it’ll be 20 mins or an hour! I’ve tried putting him down asleep or drowsy and in all situations he’ll sleep around 20 mins before waking and eventually screaming. Yesterday he was awake and screaming 3pm - 10pm because he was a tired after sleeping in 30 minute chunks in the day.

I cosleep at night where he’ll sleep a max of 2 hours at a time which is manageable.

I suppose it’s the days I’m not coping with. He screams in the car seat, in the pram and in a bouncer or swing but will occasionally sleep for a bit in a sling which is fine but I feel like I can’t leave the house.

He fights every nap, usually screaming into it and has to be patted throughout every nap. He’s so overtired by the afternoon that he’s just twisty, screaming and generally awful to be around.

I feel trapped, I spend all my days fighting him to sleep and obsessing about him getting enough. I feel like I can’t leave the house because he’s either screaming or not sleeping and therefore quickly becoming overtired. What can I do and when will this end?!! I feel like everyone around me has happily sleeping babies who will all sleep wherever they’re put!

Thanks if you’ve made it this far and please be kind! I’m a FTM and never posted before.

Sorry love, it’s tough.

at this age I think you just have to accept they won’t be put down, and you’ll be holding them for naps.

You can absolutely go out - they sleep through everything at this age. So go to a cafe with something to read, and hold them while you have cake. Or a baby friendly cinema show, or just a walk on the sling - but absolutely get out.

I used to have to carry DD around in a sling as she refused to be put down. It doesn't last forever!

have you tried swaddling?

Thank you for replying ❤️ admittedly I think it’s the fear of him screaming that stops me taking him out which is daft because babies do that!

swaddling - seems to work well when it works but he gets so frustrated trying to get his arms up sometimes and screams bloody murder. Tried a swaddle bag with arms up which seems okay but wakes up chewing his hands through the fabric. Maybe I should persevere though. It’s hard to know when to keep doing something and be consistent or when to sack it off and try something else!

Am currently trapped under a sleeping newborn, so sending solidarity!

This isn’t my first kid and as someone who needs routine and plans, I find the newborn stage EXTREMELY hard. But you do have to treat it like the fourth trimester in order to stay sane.

Don’t think about planning naps or getting them to sleep in any kind of routine ahead of 13 weeks, they simply don’t have the capacity. Something that I read which helps my claustrophia is that babies have highly developed warning signals that go off and make them cry when they are put down/ feel left alone, developed over thousands of years to ward off sabre toothed tigers - they simply only like the closeness!

Another thing helpful to remember - crying is just communication. Maybe they are crying because being put in the sling is different (mine screams for 5 mins in sling then sleeps for hours). Maybe they are crying because they are overtired and need to be in car seat to rock them to sleep. Loads of different reasons.

But mostly, as pp have said - don’t let it stop you from getting out. Getting out/ getting stuff done is so so crucial for your headspace and sanity. Who cares if the baby cries. No one is judging you. Babies cry.

Sending you love and more sleep!

Realised in my tiredness that I missed my main point - you have to just lean into what they want and keep them close at this point. Putting them down to nap will come. People love slings because it lets them be hands free.

Check out Calm and Bright sleep consultants on insta - there’s some fab stuff on there about wake windows. At this age it’s about 45 mins -60 mins maximum time they should be awake, so to combat overtiredness you can be setting the scene for them to sleep (sling, bf etc) by then.

I was similar to you and so wish I'd learned about the Possums approach to sleep earlier. When I did it totally saved my sanity. It's all about capitalising on sleep pressure and going with the flow rather than fighting for naps at set times which some random who had never met my baby claimed were magic and which made us both miserable.

That and the book Sweet Sleep by La Leche League which will make you realise you're doing a fabulous job meeting your baby's needs.

(Oh, and ignore all the "your baby will never sleep well if you feed to sleep/cosleep/don't sleep train brigade if that doesn't feel right to you. It certainly wasn't for me and baby and I were much happier doing it our own way.)

Bless you, those days are hard. A 5 week old won't be reliable out down unless you have an unicorn baby. Try to follow awake windows roughly - after about 45 mins I would change DC, feed them, then pop them in the sling. Pretty soon they would settle down to sleep and would go down for a sling nap. You can then get out of the house, go to groups, for a walk, around shops, cafes etc or just even sit on the sofa and watch TV. I wouldn't survive the early days without the sling. Good luck!

It is so hard. With my second I just accepted the contact nap. To be fair, my eldest is old enough to look after himself so I could indulge little one. At about 4ish months I started the transition to the cot for naps.

Sleep has always been my worry - I feel you. Your little one is still just that - little! If you can, just accept the contact naps and make the most out of it - set up a comfy space, a book, juice, tea, biscuits etc .

Sending support x

Dts fought every nap for a year. Couldn't have them both on me or in a sling so they slept in vibrating bouncy chairs and I would have a foot on each one rocking them or we were out pounding the streets in the buggy until they finally gave in. Don't think they slept for longer than 45 minutes until they consolidated to one in the middle of the day.

It's brutal. Good luck.

As many have said it's totally totally normal, I would go with whatever gets the most sleep - if that means on you then on you it is, if it's feed to sleep then feed to sleep and so on. At this age they can't really be awake longer than 45 to 60 minutes - don't worry about schedules it makes no sense until they are much older and will only cause you heartache and stress in my experience.

Have a look for a sling library near you as they can help you try out slings and lend you one that works. A sling that suits a very young baby might not suit an older baby and vice versa.

Please don't worry about creating bad habits etc, you really won't - try to think about it as meeting what they need now, which of course changes just when you think you've got it nailed! If it makes you feel better I have been sitting under my sleeping almost five month whilst writing this who I fed to sleep, I imagine I'll be here for a good hour more. She's number 2. X

This sounds really tough OP. I agree with pp that said crying is just communication. My 10 week old is like yours but had to go in the car seat for the school run twice a day. For the first few days she would scream then go to sleep. She will sometimes take a dummy which has helped. Now she will (mostly) happily go on the car seat and settle straight down for a good long nap! It means I have been able to pop to the shops after the school run or come back and chill while she snoozes.

I found reading about the 4th trimester helped, also made it seem like there was an end in sight! The sling was the godsend for me. Definitely leave the house in it - everything feels more manageable when you've had some fresh air. And then once you've cracked the posture necessary to sit down while they are sleeping in a way that lets you have a coffee and look at your phone then things are even better.

Will he feed to sleep? At 5 weeks old I'd just do what worked.

Hey - I never usually post on here but I’m a long time lurker! Couldn’t not respond as I have an 8 week old and could have written your post. Around 5 weeks I kept reading “it will get better” - and it does, albeit marginally! My baby is a sleep fighter too, but every week gets better and he will now tolerate naps in his bouncer and sometimes go 3 hour stretches in his cot at night.

We’re currently trialing some meds for silent reflux and so far it’s seeming to make the world of difference - before he would simply scream if laid down flat (in crib, pram etc) but would sleep for hours upright in a sling - so could be worth checking if your baby has any symptoms of this.

Hang in there, it’s all temporary and will get better very soon 😊