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Original poster

Cosleeping with both kids

10 replies

Mh16c · 04/12/2022 22:53

Hi everyone. Hoping someone has been in this situation and can offer some advice. We recently
had our DD 2 weeks ago and already have a DS who is 3.5 years. I have coslept since birth with DS as he’s never been a great sleeper, the plan with DD was to have my DH have her during the night whilst I stayed with me DS. However my DS insists she stay with me and him, so she is now in a next to me crib at my side of the bed. I’m trying to stick to safe sleeping guides as much as possible by keeping them separate etc.

how did you all do a bed time routine, with a newborn and toddler to make it work? I’m finding it so hard to try and blend it.

I don’t want to stop cosleeping until my DS is ready really but also didn’t want to stray the habit with DD as would like to try and get some evenings back at some point.

thank you :)

OP posts:
Bobbybobbins · 04/12/2022 23:12

Could your DH have your DS overnight?

Juicylychee · 04/12/2022 23:14

Why are you letting your 3 year old call all the shots?

Season0fTheWitch · 04/12/2022 23:19

DS in the bed, DD in a next to me style cot. Much safer!

Season0fTheWitch · 04/12/2022 23:20

That should say "in his bed" if you can't co sleep safely, you don't do it

Ellessdee · 04/12/2022 23:23

Season0fTheWitch · 04/12/2022 23:20

That should say "in his bed" if you can't co sleep safely, you don't do it

I didn't get the impression she was doing anything unsafe? She has DD in a next to me and DS in bed, unless I've got that wrong. No advice OP. I Co sleep with my 4yo and it's lovely. If DD is likely to wake up a lot in the night though this would likely impact DS sleep so I would consider putting him in his own room

CatOfTheLand · 04/12/2022 23:30

We were in a similar situation. It's not about letting a child 'call the shots' it's about helping them adjust to a new situation and not feel like they've been completely usurped by a new sibling.

We tried to transition my (then 2.5 year old) DD to her own bed while I was pregnant. It didn't work out very well but we at least got her used to sleeping in with DH and not just me. Realise my advice to you there is the very unhelpful 'go back in time' 🤣

Other things we did to help get her out of our bed was to put a cot with one side missing alongside the bed and a next to me on the other. DD was moved into cot when she was asleep and newborn in the next to me. Our bed is huge though - bigger than super king so no chance she could get across to the newborn.

If I remember correctly, I'd get DD to sleep in her bed, nap with her for a few hours while DH had a turn with the newborn, then I'd get up to breastfeed then take the newborn to bed. If DD woke up in the night and needed us then DH would go in. We also tried a mattress on the floor of our room for her to sleep on if she woke up and wanted to be in our room.

Was strict with the children not being near each other and with sleep safety guidelines until newborn was over one. DD learned to stay in her own bed through her own choice reinforced with a reward chart.

However, that's all gone to pot now and I co sleep with a 2 and 5 year old for the majority of the night at the moment (starts off in own bed but wanders in). Hoping to sort that out in spring when I stop breastfeeding the youngest and they move into siblings' room

qpmz · 04/12/2022 23:33

I can't see any safety issues as your newborn is in a separate crib. Doesn't your son wake up with the newborns crying and night feeds though?

I would put son in a separate room with a mattress or single bed in it so one of you can sleep in the same room as him if needed.

Mattieandmummy · 05/12/2022 20:57

We were in this situation in July this year, we tried desperately to get our DD1 in her own room - nope didn't work. We basically crashed into me and new born co sleeping with DD1 in her own bed in the same room but on opposite sides of the room. What changed it was DD1 just getting so unbelievably tired from being woken up by DD2 that she asked to sleep somewhere quiet so we moved me and DD2 out into another room again and drew up a timetable with DD1 showing which days she slept with me and DD2 and which she slept in her room - basically every other night she was in with me and DD2. After two months of this we were away for the weekend which seems to have disrupted everything and she has bounced into her own room every night this week no questions asked so we're running with that for the moment. She's just four for context.

Mattieandmummy · 05/12/2022 21:04

Bedtime routine is still a work in progress though, goes something like dinner, I feed baby hopefully to sleep whilst DH does playing and bathtime with DD1, I hand DH a hopefully sleeping DD2 and take over bedtime with DD1. Once DD1 is asleep I take DD2 back and feed her again if she's asleep, DH will try to rock her to sleep whilst I'm doing bedtime with DD1 but if not not I'll get her to sleep. Sit on the sofa with a sleeping 4 month old briefly before collapsing into bed and feeding DD2 alllllllll night long 😂

caffelattetogo · 05/12/2022 22:59

Why doesn't DH sleep with DS, and you with DD, while she's little.

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