I thought self settling was the magic bullet?

[Chumbibi]

It certainly was with DD and lots of my friends children. DS is nearly 6 months and can self settle really well. Even after night feeds he goes back in his cot awake and gets himself back to sleep, even did it at 5am this morning!

Yesterday his routine was perfect, nap gaps on point, rock solid bedtime routine since birth, and yet he still woke at 10, 2 and 5 and up for the day at 6:30. Three wake ups is a lot I feel given how I always read stories of babies who wake up every hour who then learn to self settle and then only wake once or sleep through!

where am I going wrong? What’s not linking up here?

also I appreciate that the situation is not horrendous but it was and I’ve worked really hard to get to this point and for it still to be a bit rubbish it’s so disheartening.

Hahahaha. All of mine self settled at bedtime from fairly early(between 2 and 12 weeks). They still woke up a million times a night and none of them slept through until 18 months-2 years old.

It depends on lots of things. What do you do when he wakes up?

He's still 5 months old. Maybe he's having a growth spurt and was hungry, maybe he just wanted a cuddle.

I found that my children's sleep pattern changed all the time and they had periods of waking up in the night at times up until they were 2ish.

Warm enough? I think 6.30 start to the day is ok , 10 pm wake up i'd not worry too much about if settling again . Too early to bed initially? Feeling a bit off generally.

Nope. Mine self settled from weeks old, pretty easily. He’s 2.5 years and still wakes every night and usually ends up in our bed at some point.

Unfortunately it’s one of those things (like much of parenting) where effort doesn’t align with reward. They tend to do what they want sleep wise however Gina Ford their routine is (in my experience).

He's probably hungry, it's very normal for babies to need to be fed in the night

Yes a growth spurt may be why. I know he’s still little but I’m just so tired and would like at least one long stretch

Also to add this has been every night at the same time for the last week or so and he is breastfed. Thinking of sending DH in tonight to try and settle him to try and get a bit more rest but I will probs wake up anyway!

We all wake up during the night. Its our brain checking to make sure it's still safe to sleep. A throwback from our early man days maybe. We don't tend to notice as adults unless we're inflicted with insomnia or something. Littlies need to learn like we all did on how to go back to sleep. Maybe a dream feed?

Teeth

Hungry/growth spurt

Development leap

Too hot/too cold

Got a cold brewing - far more likely with 2nd child

Honestly it could be anything. Self settling means you have avoided a specific problem (sleep associations) which tends to lead to the every 45 min wake up horror. Doesn’t mean you have solved all baby sleep issues!

So do you give him a quick feed and then he goes back to sleep? In that case I think that it might be easier if you put him back in your room. I found that grabbing baby as soon as they roused and started to suck hands , giving a quick feed in my bed and then putting them back in cot was minimally disruptive and could be sustained pretty much indefinitely without impacting on my sleep. A couple of months later I stopped giving night feeds once I was happy they no longer needed them, but less than six months seems a bit young to stop night feeds completely.

You have been sold a lie I’m afraid 🥲 sleep comes largely down to baby’s temperament and you can’t influence it much with all the routines and schedules. Some babies sleep well from early and other need more support for longer, it just is what it is.

Statistically (and I can’t find it right now 🤦🏼‍♀️ will keep digging and come back) I saw somewhere that less than 40% of 6-month-olds are sleeping 6+ hours and at 1yo it’s something like 60-70% and only a minority are sleeping through from bedtime until morning for 12 hours. I think social media really skews the perception and the rise in popularity for sleep consultants is selling us unrealistic expectations of baby sleep.

Yes might be an idea to move the feed to earlier in the bedtime routine. I guess because he goes down awake I thought that would be OK.

I guess I got lucky first time around!

Both of mine self settled from very early on. Formula fed and gave up overnight bottles at an average age. Rock solid bedtime routine from 6 weeks old. Have blackout blinds, white noise and eat like champs in the day.

Eldest is just turned 4 and still wakes 3/4 times a week for nightmares or random reasons (‘Daddy, why is the moon white’ etc). Youngest is 15 months and a couple of wake ups is a good night for her. They defy all of the baby books, but just seem to need less sleep than average like DH, and are very light sleepers like me.

Sadly, I think textbooks only work with textbook babies.

Caffeine seems to work with all adults though.

Sitting here up for the fourth time tonight feeling completely demented from the lack of sleep. It really effects me mentally and I don’t know what to do. Sleep training always seems to solve this and I feel so disheartened that it hasn’t here.

Im with you OP. 5.5 months old. Mine has had terrible sleep for the last week too. He’s been awake since 3 tonight

Is he on solids yet? Mine were bottle fed & I would give them hungry baby milk at bedtime when they got a bit older to fill them up longer. If they're just on breast milk they're probably hungry.

If you're breastfeeding still I doubt DH will have any luck settling him back to sleep.

My breastfed baby was like this. At around 5 months we introduced a bottle of formula before bed as it seemed to keep him fuller for longer and he'd sleep a much longer stretch. Then when we started solids at 6 months he started sleeping much better. I definitely think he could be hungry x

Here’s a little anecdote about self-settling as well. My baby, who is 7 months next week, has never in his little life just fallen asleep independently without help. He is either rocked to sleep for naps in a carrier or pram, or nursed to sleep (sofa naps and bedtime) but I still regularly watch him on the baby monitor in an evening sit up in his bed, waa lightly once or twice, rub his face and then lie back down and go back to sleep before I’ve had the chance to get up from the sofa. If he doesn’t need anything other than to adjust his position he doesn’t call for me. However, he still does need me several times a night too. Last night he nursed three times and once needed a cuddle and a fart. The longest stretch of sleep we get from him is 3-3.5 hours and that’s relatively rare, mostly he’s up every 1.5-2.5 hours. 🫠🥲😭

Falling asleep independently and continuing sleeping and linking sleep cycles are two separate things. Both are developmental to an extent and all babies do it eventually, whether they’re taught or not.

If you're having to go to him when he wakes, then he isn't self settling is he?

But if you're having to go to him because he's hungry etc, then that has nothing to do with ability to self settle?

It is biologically normal for infants to wake through the night, it's a protective mechanism. Honestly try to worry less about what you can do to change it and instead focus on your own routine and how you can maximise your own rest.

@wibblewobbleball im sure you mean well but what exactly are you supposed to do to ‘rest’ or get a break when your EBF baby wakes every two hours and won’t nap longer than 40 mins? When you have a two year old to look after too?