Absolutely losing the will to live - 4 month old just won’t sleep!

[MollieTD]

Just when you think you’ve cracked it…

After a night away from home 3 weeks ago, my just-turned-4 month old has decided he just doesn’t need sleep any more. At night or in the day. And it’s steadily getting worse.

Naps used to be in his cot or pram, no problem. Now if I put him down he lasts at most 8 minutes before screaming and having to started the whole process again. Today I spent 2hrs trying to put him down for a grand total of 14mins of napping on and off. At night, he used to feed to sleep, go in his cot about half 7 and wake once or twice for a feed. Now it’s two hours of getting to sleep, waking up, crying, starting again and up every two hours to feed in the night.

He’s unhappy and exhausted and I’m dreading every day at the moment. Using the Huckleberry app and following all his signs but he will not go to sleep.

Is there something wrong with him? Is this normal 4month sleep regression? Any advice from more experienced mums?

Sounds like an extreme 4 month sleep regression to me! Not all babies will be the same but I'm sure it'll just be a phase! Will he be held for his naps? At least then you're both resting and im a big believer in sleep begets sleep so might help night time?

@TheRookie If all else failed he’d sleep fine on me or my partner but even that’s gone this week - if we breathe too loud he wakes up and screams.

You’re exactly right, I know we’re in for a crap night when it’s been a no-nap day! Tried staying home for a few days and trying to find his new routine, tried ignoring routine and getting out and about when I feel like it - neither seems to make any difference!

telling myself it’s just a phase…

The day sounds tough but tbh the night sounds normal or possibly even enviable for 4 months. My first at 4 months went down fine but woke up after 2 hours at night and then every 45 mins thereafter. My second slept for 3 hours, then 2, then 1, then woke every 30 mins or so until dawn. Cosleeping saved us but if you choose not to cosleep then I’m sure all your hard work trying to settle him at night is slowly teaching him what he needs to know to get a better night’s sleep so hang in there

Oops, name change above!

@DiaDeLluvia really?? Everyone I’ve spoken to seems to think their babies sleep through - this is actually really good to hear, all I can think of is how I must be doing something wrong!

2 hrs stretches at night is pretty normal. We got 30min sleep, 3hr screaming cycles. It nearly broke me.
Hopefully it will improve soon again (only twice waking that he did before sounds like the absolute dream!), look up wonder weeks.

Is this your first? Every baby has a different personality. My first was a great sleeper which obviously was because I was sooooo good at the mum thing - second really put me right!

I would suggest though that you look at diet (if breastfeeding) as dd2 has a number of allergies and I’m pretty sure the eczema started to show around 3/4 months. She was waking up because she was itchy and scratching (and probably also had stomach ache)

Mine woke every 30-45 minutes from 4 months to 12/18 months. 2 hours sounds ok, probably average I'd say. I had to hold her for day naps. She slept through by 2 years though.

Oh no I really feel for you! It's a horrible time! I remember our sons 4 month sleep regression was HELL, no exaggeration.
It was around Christmas, he was waking every 20/30 minutes for about a week.
It seemed to get better within a few weeks but yeah, definitely a peak of awful nights sleep that Christmas week. You just have to keep plowing on it will get better!

We did sleep training at around 5 months. I'm currently pregnant with my second and hoping the 4 month regressive isn't as harsh next time round!

@HidingFromDD he certainly is, is it that obvious?😂 He is breastfed - that’s interesting though because he’s started spitting up again after feeds which he hasn’t done since he was teeny tiny.

if nothing else, it’s really good to hear it’s normal - hearing from others in a baby group today, you’d think every baby slept through no problem!

There’s nothing wrong with him, and you have m full sympathies, sleep exhaustion is the pits!

do you use a comforter? If not time to introduce one, drop a little formula or Breastmilk on it, have it between you and your baby during a feed then place it down with him during nap.

tip number two make sure the room is blacked out! TT blackout blind is great.

tip number three get yourself a white noise machine that stays on the entire time.

tip number four get yourself a key phrase “sleepytime we love you” just so they know you say this when it’s sleepy time.

Try to stick to the same nap routine daily I.e feed, play, nappy change, story, say phrase, into bed. If they wake put your hand on their chest, say phrase, leave.

it can take time to implement the above, stick with it. Good luck!

Everyone says that, I guarantee they don’t sleep through!! It’s totally normal for them to wake frequently throughout the need be it for a feed or. Cuddle.

The dreaded 4 month sleep regression.

My daughter did the same. Woke up a maximum of two times at night and then she hit 4 months and it all went to shit.

Me and my husband went CRAZY trying to get her down every night. Rocking/feeding constantly and when she did finally fall asleep she didn't want to be put down.

It didn't last long but when she hit 6 months, her sleep went to shit again.

That's when I started cosleeping and wow I only wish I did it sooner.

I have a 9 week old now and I've coslept with her since day 1. For naps she only wants to be on me so I've just embraced it and I wear her in a sling so I can still get on with other stuff.

I wish I was more relaxed with my first.

When my baby was 4 months she went through a sleep regression for about 6 weeks, had me up every 1-2 hours without fail! I can't remember what she was like during the day, I was in full on zombie mode! Me and DP would be up rocking the moses basket, picking her up and rocking her, using a dummy....none of that helped or worked. So we did our research and came across some advice that MASSIVELY helped us. So firstly it said to not use a dummy as they become reliant on it and can't get themselves back to sleep without it. When they start to wake/cry, don't pick them up, just place your hand on them somewhere (we placed our hand on her chest) and gently rub. No rocking. No picking up. This technique seriously saved our sanity! She got use to that really quickly and the sleep regression started to come to an end.

Thanks so much everyone, glad to know I’m not along or doing something wrong! Lots to try out.

Honestly my 4 month old only contact naps during the day. I’d rather her sleep well at night than fight all day and all night… not worth my health or hers to fight all day and night cut yourself some slack find something good to binge on and have big contact naps to sort out night sleeping

@Imogensmumma that was my solution until recently - he won’t even nap on me without the same level of crying, screaming and fighting sleep!