Sleep training naps

[goodmorningsunny]

Please no hate, I've come to sleep training through exhaustion!

10mo DD sleeps well at night and sleep training has worked well. But in the past week she has refused to nap. As soon as she goes in her cot, she screams and screams and screams. She stands up and smacks her head on the wall repeatedly. I've decided to nap train her because she is getting no day time sleep. I do her bedtime routine, put her in her cot, say good night and she immediately stands and screams and smashes her head on the wall and cot. I leave her there for an hour while she hysterically screams and come and get her after an hour. She just won't sleep! I've tried the graduates method where you go in for checks but that makes her even more hysterical.

Her wake windows are appropriate and she sleeps well at night but spends the whole day rubbing her eyes and screaming because she just isn't getting those naps. I used to always do contact naps but I just cannot any more for the sake of my mental health. Help me, please!

Have you tried the pram? Mine both needed a walk round the block to nod off and then I could leave them in the pram in the hallway or garden.

Not ideal but handy when out for the day

Maybe contact your hv that does sound unusual?
Am I reading right that she's screaming for an HOUR during the day? That's not healthy for either of you to be honest and probably (definitley) doing more harm than good

You leave your child screaming and banging her head against the cot for an hour?! How can you possibly think this is acheiving anything positive? Surely pushing through with no daytime sleep is better for your mental health than listening to your baby in so much distress?

I would also worry that she'll start getting such negative assocations from her cot that she'll stop sleeping at night too.

@Tomorrowisalatterday she tries to stand in the carry cot and screams bloody murder in the buggy. I don't think she's slept in her pram in about 5 months!

@tirednewmumm yeah... twice. Each nap time she does this. She'd nap fine on me but I just can't for the sake of my mental health be stuck under a sleeping baby for 3 hours a day. Also, I don't think they'll let her have two contact naps a day at nursery when she starts next month!

@N4ish she's absolutely knackered and rubs she eyes and tries to sleep on me but my PPD will not let her sleep on my any more :( as soon as I put her in the cot she just goes absolutely mental :(

I am a massive advocate for sleep training, but what you are doing is pure madness.

She’s obviously not going to go to sleep, so why are you leaving her screaming for an hour?

Set a time (like 5 or 10 mins) and if it’s clear she’s not going to go to sleep, end the nap time and get her out. Then try again a few hours later.

Could you contact nap in a place where you could gradually move her off you? Shame the pushchair isn’t an option as that was the main way I got my DD to nap other than feeding to sleep.
But don’t worry about nursery- my DD was really tricky with naps but at nursery they all seem to fall in line!

@SalviaOfficinalis you think that might work? I'm worried this'll just make her think that if she screams she'll get her way? It's an absolute minefield because everything I've read says put her in the cot for the full time she should be napping and persevere with it u til she starts sleeping :( not trying to be cruel, I just really really really need her to sleep because she's so desperately unhappy and exhausted :( I'm trying to do my best for her!

My 10 month old dropped to one nap at 10 months. If she's refusing sleep it could be worth a go.
However you leaving her and her crying smashing her head in the cot for an hour is absolutely insane. I'd suggest getting more help for you PND.

Can you let her fall asleep on you then transfer to cot?
And I would echo the others, don't worry about nursery my baby would only do pram naps or contact naps at home. They had him sleeping on a mat on the floor surrounded by babies within 3 days lol

I don't think it's fair or realistic to expect her to go from napping on you to suddenly being expected to go to sleep on her own in her cot. I know you've said you've tried the gradual withdrawal method and it hasn't worked but think you'll need to move to cot naps very slowly and gently.

You really can't leave a child in distress banging their head on their cot, it's not safe. Completely understand that you're struggling if she only sleeps on you but there has to be a more gentle way to change the situation.

Don’t stress about nursery. They are wizards who will sort this out with her - not your problem.

@prettylittlethingss i am getting plenty of help for it (medication and therapy) but one of my real triggers is having to sit perfectly still for 3 hours a day while she sleeps on me, not being able to move a muscle because she'll wake. It makes me feel so trapped and helpless. Which is why I was hoping with a little patience I might be able to make sleep training work but she's just getting angrier and angrier! Believe me, I feel desperately guilty but I really really don't want her to not nap because she so clearly needs it

And also attending to a screaming baby isn't teaching them that 'if they scream they'll get their own way'. They're trying to communicate with you as it's the only way they know how.

This is a good point @goodmorningsunny - if she’s sleeping well during the day, 3hours of naps for a 10 month old may not be needed.

My DS (also sleep trained) had a tricky phase for naps.

I would go back and settle at 5 min intervals. If he didn’t go to sleep after 3 lots of settling I would take him out and try later.

They need to know you are coming back, so they can relax. An hour is far too long at that age. Hopefully once she has the reassurance that you will come back regularly she’ll be able to go to sleep. Might take a few days/weeks for it to work, but do it consistently.

This 100%. Screaming is her way of communicating with you.

I was thinking this too, she is still so little OP. Unfortunately there is still a lot of old fashioned language around babies & sleep & this crazy idea that they are trying to manipulate you.

Don't be made to feel guilty by passive aggressive comments. I'm sure you are doing your best. Especially in your own health circumstances. Talk to a hv. Most of them know how to support people properly, even though they are busy.

This is a good idea. I have literally never managed to get my velcro baby, now toddler to sleep directly in the cot for a nap. Contact to fall asleep and then down, cuddle to sleep in your bed (not for everyone and follow safe sleep advice), sling, buggy. All options to try.

You honestly shouldn’t leave a hysterical baby for an hour, and I say this with sympathy from one sleep deprived mother to another.

Sorry to hear you are struggling so much, I hear you - DD is 6 months old and sleeping in her cot after 3 hours of fighting for a nap that was overdue. I even fed her to sleep at some point, but she woke up the minute I moved her to the cot! She's been this way since the second month, however last few weeks she was getting a bit easier so this does feel a bit like a regression (it probably is).

I agree with PP that it might be unrealistic to expect her to fall asleep in a cot by herself if she's used to contact napping - you are literally changing everything she's used to, all at once!

DD has always found it easiest to fall asleep being rocked (for long periods of time), but this has become impossible as she's just too heavy, so she's had to adapt. For us it's the opposite; she hates being still. We try different strategies, but one that might work for you if motion is not needed for her is to lie down next to her on your bed, then move her to the cot. That way she could snuggle next to you and still feel you close. I also try read her a book (like a children's book or a book you are reasonable for yourself that's PG) out loud so I'm'talking' to her and she hears my voice, but there's also a nice ring to it.

Also, I have learned to give up and try again later. Yes, that's why it took us 3 hours today to get her down, but at least we all had lunch at a reasonable time.

My daughter stopped having daytime naps at 11 months.
Yes she still rubbed her eyes and looked exhausted but she will all the time she's adjusting to having no naps during the day.

Instead of leaving her to cry and bang her head for an hour, and being scared that she'll think she gets what she wants (this is impossible, she is a BABY)

I would try and push through and not have nap time and maybe bring bedtime forward.

@greekyog I keep reading everywhere that all babies need at least 2 naps before they're one, sometimes even 3! And that most don't drop down to 1 until they're 18 months! So that's nice to hear, I've felt like such a rotten mum for the last few days with her not getting both naps, or even one. I don't want to stunt her development but clearly screaming in a cot for an hour twice a day isn't working either and isn't exactly good for her development :( hating being a parent right now. Just when you feel like you've got things sorted, they change the rules!

You'll read a lot when you're a mum about what babies are, what should be happening, what not to do.

All babies are widely different and some have low sleep needs and that's that.
Obviously if she is struggling to keep her eyes open and drifting off, I'd let her fall asleep on you and then put her in her cot or on the sofa where you can watch her 24/7.

If she's not and she's just grouchy and a bit tired but no signs of napping, don't bother. Just push through and bring bedtime earlier.
As I said, some babies have low sleep needs. My DD one of them. She hasn't had a day time nap since 11/12 months apart from when she's been poorly. Her development isn't stunted and she is a perfectly healthy, happy toddler with good sleep hygiene.