Need help, someone please help! 4 week old with reflux and colic

[ElmTree22]

Hey guys, I'm looking for some reassurance, kind words. I don't know really, just anything.

I'm struggling with my 4 week old baby. She has pretty bad silent reflux, we've got omeprazole on order to help it, just waiting for it to come in. Basically she is an absolute nightmare at night. Around 5pm every night like clock work she starts to fuss and this escalates each hour into eventual inconsolable screaming and crying. When she's like this she is impossible to settle. We try all sorts. Slings, walking, white noise, shushing, swaddling etc. nothing works. When this happens she is absolutely exhausted but her reflux keeps her from falling asleep. It takes me until around 2/3am to finally settle her but then I put her down and depending on the reflux she may stay down for 30 minutes or 2 hours. And then she's up again. We're stuck in this awful cycle of breast feeding, then burping and then waiting for her reflux to settle which can take until her next feed, or if it settles a bit quicker and I can put her down she isn't down for long at all! So generally to ensure she gets some sleep I let her sleep on me in the bed while I stay awake, as this is the most comfy position for her. obviously I am unable to sleep myself.
In the day she is generally pretty good, again depends on her reflux, but she's an awful napper, she's far to alert and I find it really hard to get her to sleep. She's too stimulated by her surroundings. She's also in the newborn phase of never wanting to be put down so she naps in the sling on me so I never get a chance to nap in the day either. So she gets stuck in the overtired cycle constantly!
I'm absolutely at my wits end, I dread absolutely everyday and find myself really losing patience with her, I remind myself that it's not her fault and I would never hurt her or anything but I'm really struggling, I'm averaging about 1/2 hours of sleep a day and this makes dealing with the nights absolutely impossible! My husband helps as much as he can but he works really long hour and requires sleep for him to be alert at work which is really important in his job.
I just want to know this will get easier because I see no light ar the end of the tunnel and quite frankly I'm regretting having a baby, I feel like the worst mother in the world because I can't do anything to help her and just get mad and frustrated when she can't help it and is relying on me for comfort. I feel like she would be better off with someone else. She deserves a better mum!
Please no hate, I'm struggling enough as it is and it's take a lot for me to be honest about how I'm feeling!

Evening cluster feeding is normal for this age. Just sit on the sofa from teatime onwards with baby at thr breast solidly - allowing baby to alternate between feeding and dozing for several hours.

Introduce a dummy if you haven't already. Sucking soothes all babies, but especially those with reflux.

Baby sounds well and truly exhausted and sleep deprived. Aim for very shirt awake times - only 30 minutes or do awake between naps.

Try naps in a bouncy chair (plus dummy, to reduce crying). This allows for constant even tempo movement, plus a slightly upright position for (supervised) sleeping. Sit on the sofa and bounce the bouncer with your foot, reinserting dummy as needed

Oh you poor thing, I remember this so well, are you waiting for a prescription to be ready? I'm sure once you start on it you'll see some quick improvement. We were given gaviscon for reflux and mine was choking and holding his breath it was horrible, I sat watching him all night. It does end, it's so hard at the time thou and my heart goes out to you. Do you have a m or mil that could sit just for a couple of hours for you just to sleep? 💐

I've been told by the infant feeding team that cluster feeding isn't a good idea for my LO as it triggers her symptoms of reflux and adds to her already distended stomach and it adds to her digestive overload, puts us into a very awful cycle which is worse than what we're in now quite frankly. She is still breastfed on demand, putting on more than enough weight each week and I have an over supply so they were happy for me to eliminate the cluster feeding. They also informed me that the cues she was showing that I mistook for hunger were actually cues of discomfort. I'm going to try and reintroduce the dummy, this didn't work on the beginning due to tongue tie that is now separated. She sucks her hand and she gets comfort from that but maybe a dummy will work better.

I do have family who come and help but I find it absolutely impossible to sleep when they have her, I can't relax enough to even drift off so I've given up on asking for them to help! It's just ridiculous. I just want to know that is gets easier, she also struggles to breath when the reflux is at its worst and has to sleep upright on me in order to keep her airways clear. It's so awful to see and the trouble napping is obviously contributing to her over tiredness. Yeah the omeprazole is on order but it's hard to get hold of so have to wait a few days for it. I'm really hoping this works for her because she's just having a terrible time, we all are!

I've been told by the infant feeding team that cluster feeding isn't a good idea

You're feeding team are telling you not to feed a hungry baby?!

I am flabbergasted by that - so much so it makes me wonder if you misunderstood.

Evening cluster feeding and "The Witching Hour" (as its frequently known as) is lead by hunger. You get the crying because baby want to feed, but is also tired so isn't feeding effectively, so thr feeding and sleeping are both frustrating and take a long time.

One way to reduce cluster feeding is to give bottles through early evening - easier way for baby to get the calories. Is thus what your team are suggesting? Or just keeping baby hungry?

No wonder baby is hysterical. Definitely establish a dummy. Plus lots and lots if cuddles and closeness - must be very hard for a tiny baby to cope with.

We kept up with cluster feeding for a good couple weeks she was still inconsolable but she wasn't settled even when feeding she would squirm and arch her back and cry. This is why the feeding team advised me that the constant feeding were exasperating her symptoms. She definitely isn't hungry as I feed her regularly throughout the day and in the evening feed her every 1.5 hours. Her stomach is constantly distended and has gas bubbling around in there and when the bubbles are heard that's when she begins crying. If I cluster feed her she vomits and regurgitates up into her mouth and swallows it back down and then this leads to screaming from all the stomach acid.
The feeding team advised me that discomfort cues are very similar to hunger cues because babies suckle for comfort. So these cues often get misread and it leads to overwhelming of the digestive system especially in babies that already have issues with theirs.

Sounds like my daughter was: I cut out cow's milk and she was fine. Not kidding. If you consume dairy, it's worth a shot cutting it out.

I'm vegan so don't consume dairy anyway, and I've cut soy out of my diet and this has made no difference.

she would squirm and arch her back and cry

That could be marker for I'm exhausted and want to be asleep, help me get to sleep

The reflux will mean baby can't feed to sleep, so that makes logical sence. I'd definable get a dummy established. The dummy will mean baby can suck for comfort to get to sleep, without needing the feeding aspect of sucking. That's why dummies are so necessary for babies with reflux, in my view.

That sounds really tough @ElmTree22. My DS was colicky when he was tiny and the hours of inconsolable screaming was just soul destroying.

He was also similar with making rooting/hunger cues when he was upset, so I thought he wanted more milk. But actually he wanted comfort without more food! If I had had a well matched supply of milk, suckling would have been fine, but I had loads. Every time he sucked he got loads more milk til he was totally stuffed and uncomfortable. Which just made things worse. His screaming period was generally 6pm - 9pm, but a few times we couldn't get him settled until well beyond midnight and it was just exhausting.

There is light at the end of the tunnel. My DS was much better from around 9 weeks. He would still get overtired in the evenings (and also started teething at about 12 weeks, which didn't help) but the hours of screaming gradually reduced and disappeared.

Some things that helped us were:

• getting a dummy so he could suck for comfort without feeding. We had to try several brands to find one he would accept. This is the one that worked for us:

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B07LGYCG8W/ref=ox_sc_act_image_1?smid=A3P5ROKL5A1OLE&psc=1

• before the dummy, he would suck on our little fingers for comfort. Sometimes for ages. Would your DD accept that?

• I spent about a week prioritising daytime sleep for him over everything else. I let him nap on me for as long as he wanted without trying to do anything else and watched a lot of TV. I think that helped to reduce the overtired/overwhelmed cycle. (I then got really anxious about packing in daytime sleep for about another week, until one day when all his naps went wrong and he didn't go bezerk in the evening, which was when I finally believed we might be getting through it)

• Asking for help with housework/food rather than with holding/settling the baby. If you have family around in the day, could you ask them to do household tasks, or even watch you while she naps on you, so that you can get a little bit of daytime sleep while she sleeps? Not so good for upright sleeping, but my DS used to sleep on a pillow on my lap and I would slide it over to my mum/DH once he wa fully asleep.

• Can you ask your husband to take over for part of the night, so that you get at least a couple of hours "off duty"? I know you said he works long hours and needs to be alert, but that doesn't mean that the whole burden of managing a shrieking distressed baby is on you. My husband used to cover any wakes between 10pm and 1am and just being able to clock off for a bit made a huge difference

• Sometimes if he was screaming in the evening we would take him for a drive in the car. He often fell asleep after about 15 minutes. We would then drive for about another 15-20 minutes to get home. He usually woke up when we got him out of the car seat, but was then sometimes calm enough to accept a feed/dummy and go to sleep. I don't know how well your DD tolerates the car if she has reflux, but it might be worth a try?

Honestly, colic is so hard. But it will get better. Do what you need to get through it and don't underestimate how stressful it is. It feels hard because it is hard, not because everyone else you know with a baby is just coping better!

Looking for an update @ElmTree22 I hope you've had some luck, I'm in the exact same position as you with a 3 week old. Suspected tongue tie so I'm waiting for someone to get back to me. It's progressively got worse, the first week I thought he was a dream baby but that has quickly faded. I can't bear seeing him in pain and feeling helpless.

We feed upright, I hold him for the majority of his naps upright, he can't keep a dummy in his mouth due to tongue tie but even using the breast as a dummy doesn't help as the pain in his stomach causes him to unlatch constantly. Tried infacol (worked for a couple days, then gripe water which worked for about 5 days, just ordered colief) he's on probiotics due to me having antibiotics when he was born but that should be out of my system now.

My daughter who is 3 had silent reflux but I don't remember it being this bad this early on.