Please help me fix sleep in our house! Long thread.

[gillybean89]

Long thread, sorry. Just want to give all the info. Looking for advice/things to try to improve everyone's sleep in our family.

We have 2 DC - DD5 and DSalmost3.

DD has always been a poor sleeper. She has never been able to fall asleep independently (we have tried everything over the years and eventually just accepted she would do it in time) and so we still sit with her while she's going to sleep. She only started sleeping through when she started school and still wanders into our bed at night. Also an early waker.

DS on the other hand was always a wonderful sleeper, never needed any help to sleep from day 1. Liked to sleep in. When he went into a toddler bed he never got out of bed, slept through, brilliant. Until a couple of months ago, when he was overtired and wouldn't try for a wee at bedtime. He was beside himself and no way was he going to be persuaded. He then immediately wet himself in bed and since then bedtimes are a nightmare. He now also won't go to sleep by himself and comes into our bed in the night (he's getting earlier and earlier with this, a few nights recently it's been before we're even in bed).

Me and DH are both of the opinion that the DC are welcome in our beds if they need us. The trouble is no one is now sleeping. A typical night would be DS trotting in early, gets in and tbh we don't notice he's there. Then DD comes in, and is restless, I get squashed in the middle, usually send DH to sleep in DD room, DD then wakes up early and everyone is awake. DS is then grumpy as he would naturally sleep later. On top of that, DH is a shift worker so also gets up early and disturbs kids. His shifts also mean I am usually doing bedtime alone and it takes a very long time.

It's got to the point where no one is sleeping, and enough is enough. How do we fix this?! This weekend we are going to try putting DS bed in DD room, thinking if they share at least bedtime is a bit easier and maybe might be enough company for them at night? I'm clutching at straws.

Thank you and well done on making it this far!

Unfortunately, in my experience, returning the children to their beds during the night was the only way we solved it. They still came in in the morning (anytime from 6am onwards we considered ‘morning’) but a few nights of (seemingly) constant up and down and it settled enough to not be an issue.
We’d simply get up, take them by the hand and silently lead them back to their room, tuck them up, give a kiss, say goodnight and leave. We felt like yo-yos for a while!

This.

@Gatehouse77 thank you for your reply. We have tried this many times and it only results in screaming, crying, and they would not stay in bed unless physically held down. They are then wide awake and have woken everyone else up with their screaming.

I have said to DH it may now be that we have to accept that we will all have a few horrendous nights of this, but something has to be done.

Bit radical but we got pull out trundle beds for ours. So we would go and sleep in their room, crucially on a separate bed so wriggling etc didn't disturb the adult as much, it was enough for DC to know we were there with them. Not an ideal solution but it's not forever, my eldest is off at Uni now and to be honest I wouldn't mind the chance to travel back in time and snuggle up next to his little 3 year old self!

I have a six and a half year old who, when returned to his bed last night, started screaming inconsolably the house down, waking his siblings. This is a regular occurrence here.

in that case I usually find it easier to sleep with them which might allow me to escape later in the night.

also: the first adult awake and squashed leaves the bed.

sympathies.

I'd be returning to bed every single time. It will be hellish for a few nights but you need to fix it for everyone's sake.

Immediately back into bed, quick cuddle / tuck in and walk away. Every time.