4 month old does not nap or sleep

[kalicia]

I really am in need of some help, I have no idea what to do.

My baby is 100% going through sleep regression however she’s never been good at napping. Getting her to nap is a task and if she did she would nap for 20 mins and at most have 2 naps a day then spend all day crying because she’s exhausted and I spend all day trying to get her to sleep. It’s a constant battle. I feel like my days are consumed of waking up and my child feels good for an before the day begins of me trying to get her to sleep and her doing everything to fight her sleep. I have tried to be in a routine with her wake windows but she just does not want to sleep.

The nights are worse, she will not go into a deep sleep at all. I understand regression as they are developing and adjusting out of the sleep pattern they had as a newborn. However, I would like to think she would fall into some deep sleep at night considering she must be EXHAUSTED. But she doesn’t. I can get her to sleep but as soon as she goes down the most she’s stayed asleep is 1 hour and that’s on a lucky day. The past 3 days she’s sleeping half an hour then waking up.

Before the regression I could cope with the nap situation as she slept through the night. However she isn’t now and I am beyond exhausted. I keep her in a routine, every night is play, bath, change, book, and bottle which she usually falls asleep on. Then once she’s had her tiny bit of sleep she’s awake again. This has also been going on about a month now and it’s only gotten worse. I’m not really seeing a way out of this and this is far worse than the newborn stage.

A few things to note:
She has a dummy she is reliant on and I’m fine with doing the dummy run however the past few nights even that isn’t helping.
She doesn’t always fall asleep on the bottle, I understand her falling asleep with that she will wake up and want the same to help her back to sleep. But even the times she doesn’t fall asleep on the bottle she’s like this.
I have tried to just leave her to see what she will do. She babbles for a while which eventually goes into a cry. I then get her back to sleep and then half an hour later she will wake up.

Any advice or reassurance would be great. Anything you think I can do. Atm I would even pay for some sort of baby sleep therapist.

Has she got reflux or something. ? X

@allboysherebutme Nope she doesn’t. Nothing wrong with her she’s just super alert. She’s constantly wanting to see the world and play which is amazing but also not when she is EXHAUSTED. She just wants to be awake all the time and I’m at the point now where I’m thinking this cannot be normal because she is not getting any amount of sleep a baby her age should be getting x

You may have already tried this but will she nap on you in a sling / carrier in the daytime? Or on the sofa if you just sit down with her asleep? Some babies are really resistant to being put down and sleeping away from you, 2 out of my 3 have been like this. The only way to get a decent nap out of them is to have it take place on me!

For that reason I co-sleep at night as well. I’ve just always found it works best for getting decent sleep.

@Sotired22 Yes so she will nap in her sling or pram. I take her out everyday at least in the sling as I walk my dog because I know she will fall asleep. Same with her pram. The problem is it’s only for around 20minutes. Which would be ok if she was getting a longer stretch of sleep at some point but she isn’t.

The rocking in my arms is how I get her to nap too, if I’m not doing anything with my day I let her sleep in my arms with the hope she will stay asleep but she just doesn’t want to sleep for long at all. She wakes up happy enough but then about 20 minutes later she realises she’s still exhausted but will fight to go back to sleep. So my days are spent trying to get her to sleep and stay asleep.

I admit since the sleep regression I let her co-sleep too. It kinda worked at the start of it but I feel like this regression is getting worse and it’s already been over a month. She’s sleeping less and less

Ahhh gosh that sounds tough… so she just wakes up far too soon even if being held / pushed in pram etc… I wish I knew what to suggest. I wonder if she would do better in a darkened room with white noise. I know that’s not exactly easy in the daytime though. Hopefully the regression will pass soon and she’ll start at least sleeping better at night time. Don’t feel like you’re doing anything wrong by co-sleeping though - whatever gets you most sleep is the best option and you must be exhausted!

Just a thought but is she showing any signs of teething? Just wondering if discomfort is waking her up? Could try putting Anbesol on her gums or giving teething powders before nap time / bed and see if that helps at all. Does she have a clean dry nappy before sleep? No nappy rash that could be bothering her? I only ask as when mine have been restless with sleep I just try to troubleshoot anything that could be uncomfortable for them as they can’t tell us. A while ago I realised my dd was uncomfortable in her babygrows as her feet were squashed in them and she needed to move up a size! As soon as I stopped putting her in the slightly too small ones she was happier. Sometimes it can be something relatively simple but it’s just finding out what it is! Or sometimes there’s seemingly nothing ‘wrong’ and it’s just a phase

@Sotired22 yes she is 100% early teething she has been since about 3 months old. We took her to the gps and they felt her gums and said they’re hard. She also drools so much and puts absolutely everything in her mouth. I never thought it could be teething pain as when she wakes up it’s normally not in distress but more wanting to play. But I suppose they could just be aching and waking her so I’ll try put something on them!

No nappy rash I have been fortunate she’s not had it and she always gets a clean nappy before put down to sleep

I hate to say this because it's probably not what you want to hear but she sounds pretty normal for a 4 month old. Honestly mine was the exact same. He literally never "napped" until he got to about 6 months. He cat napped , 15 mins here and there, also a very alert baby (still is!). The 4 month regression is an absolute killer, it's so so hard. Could you try and co sleep? That's the only way we got through it. Mine was sleeping 8 hour stretches before the regression and then started waking every 20 minutes!!! It lasted about 6 weeks but he never returned to doing those long stretches. He's 10 months now and sleep is something I have learned a lot about. It's not linear ., some weeks will be rough (teething/illness etc), others will be more manageable. I think it's about accepting that it is what it is and trying to manage it the best you can. It's so hard though and so so frustrating (I get it trust me). I have spent hours trying to get my baby to sleep in the early days, it's exhausting. As long as medical problems have been ruled out there's not too much you can do. There's no easy fix but I promise you will get through it. Xx

Sounds like mine. He's 7 months and going through another bastard long regression. If it's any comfort he started extending his naps (and actually sleeping in his cot) from 4/5 months. Mostly just 30 minutes, sometimes longer. Still better than the strict 20 he used to do.

The useful advice I've had do far has been: Tire the baby out as much as possible, tummy time, swimming, fresh air. For naps, just go either whatever works that week, pram, sling, cot, whatever. Try to encourage self-soothing. I find doing shushing and stroking with him in his cot has helped (rather than picking up immediately) as has trying to put him down drowsy but not awake.

However, I've cried several times recently from sleep deprivation and feeling like I'm an absolute failure who will never get her baby to "sleep properly", so take all I say with a pinch of salt. Just survive. Keep going. Everything is temporary.

Sending strength and coffee, my first DC was like this. DH and I called it the ‘trifecta of shit sleep’ - he woke too early in the morning (4.15am sometimes), he barely napped, and he woke constantly through the night. There was no point in the day where I’d get any semblance of a break. If anyone said ‘tHiS TOo WiLL PaSs’ I wanted to scream because it was genuinely horrific and I’m lucky I didn’t have PND or anything or I wouldn’t have coped.

The positives - he made DC2 seem like a total breeze as she actually slept sometimes. Once he did start ‘sleeping through’ (at THREE), it was magic and we’ve never had any stress at bedtimes.

The best thing I did with mine, who seems to be in the sleep regression that never ends, was to stop worrying so much. Get baby outside and offer opportunities to nap and most babies will take the sleep they need. Utilise the pram - I now leave him to finish his naps in the garden when we get back from a walk and he's asleep, and that's the best sleep he gets. Do contact naps. It's temporary, so the goal isn't perfect sleep, the goal is to offer her the chance to sleep any way she can. Better sleep will come.

Put baby in a sling. Best things ever.

It is so hard, sending much sympathy and caffeine your way! My kids were both like this, probably not what you want to hear but it took a very very long time to get anything more than an hour at a time at night and the napping was the same for mine too - it's normal for some kids.

If you don't have one - get a sling, lifesaver (persevere with it if you don't get on with it as it can take a while - and go to a sling library to get a good fit, it makes a massive difference.)

I could have written this myself. 3 month old baby who last doesn't sleep more than 3-4 hour out of 24hours! I am
A broken woman and now thinking I have anxiety and depression because of this.
He doesn't nap during the day or longer than 15 mins and I dread the night because he just will not sleep!
I have honestly never felt so exhausted or mentally worn out in my life.
It's took me 3 months to say I'm struggling to bond with him. When he cries now I feel my whole body hurt.
I have heard people saying "some babies don't sleep" but honestly never thought this lack of sleep was possible.
I get heart palpitations, I'm stressed and I have cried everyday
For 3 months.
I know this isn't helpful other than to say.... " I'm always awake if you want to talk or need support" xx