Help me get started please (but not CIO)

[TinyTeacher]

Hello wise mumsnetters,
Feel like I've got rock bottom with sleep and NEED to man changes, but I'm so tired this week I just can think how to start!
I have twin 2yos. Neither sleep through, but one of them I can cope with - he does a decent chunk at the beginning of the night and although he probably does wake 3/4 times I don't really remember as he might fancy a quick feed/his dummy/a cuddle but he's back to sleep with veryshort intervention and a cosleep so I dont really wake up fully.
His brother is a different story. He was the better sleeper when they were tiny, but he now has eczema/probable asthma/possible food allergies. When he wakes, he starts scratching and requires lots of intervention to he him back to sleep. Usually wakes 6-8 times a night now, and sometimes they are long - last night he was wide awake from 3am-5.30.
Although they've never been fully independent about falling asleep, when they were tiny theyd feed till drowsy have their dummy and then nod off in their cots with a bit of backrubbing/patting. However, at the moment both are feeding fully to sleep and this has coincided with the huge increase in wakings. I cant stand CIO, and it wouldnt work for us anyway as it'd disturb my eldest. I'm too tired to come up with a plan. What should my first step be? With my eldest, iread books to her about night-weaning and did the Pantley pull-off, but everything just seems 10 million times more complicated this time!

I think you need advise from a sleep consultant. Many do fixed price video consultations. They're two so things are a bit different to a 10 month old. Worth it for expertise

Is the feeding to sleep breastfeeding?

Hmm, if the other twin has medical issues then the first step would be to get that under control and sorted as it sounds like he could genuinely need you for comfort if he’s uncomfortable or in pain. I wouldn’t advise any sleep training until you are fully confident that he is healthy and well and his allergies are managed.

HI @FATEdestiny , yup breastfeeding to sleep. Very occasionally I can rock him with his dummy or get him down by patting his bottom (was eventually successful with this today as he an hour....) but that's not often working at the moment and never works for night-wakes.

@GinnyBee I'd love to get the eczema under control but not having much luck. He has steroids and it is improving, but it doesn't ever completely go away and it's easily.triggered. I've had eczema my whole life so i know how uncomfortable.it can be, but I'm desperate to get some sleep! I'm really struggling to function.

@sunflowerandivy while you might be correct, that would be difficult for us. As a teacher, I can't really take a break during ordinary wrking times. I have to admit, finances are also quite tight at present. Twins do stretch the planned budget!

yup breastfeeding to sleep

Night weaning is your first step. Can Dad take over nights for a couple of weeks?

@FATEdestiny sadly not any time soon. He's out at bedtime 3 or 4 times a week, which was sort of how I started having the trouble in the first place - I had to settle both at the same time while not having so much noise it disturbed my eldest in the next room, who needs to be dropping off while I'm settling the boys...

Last night both eventually settled in their cots with their dummies and had a relatively good night (well, one wasn't down till just after 10pm so was shattered this morning and really did NOT want to be woken, even an hour later than usual). But the previois night had been HELL. my husband came home at 11pm to find me with 2 wide awake but abjectly miserable boys who would not stop crying no matter what I did as they were SERIOUSLY overtired by then. They both woke hourly, so I don't think I had more than a 20minute stretch all night.

The best sleep advise I got was from an nhs dietician who said they need enough calories in the day so they don’t need to feed at night but it must be in meals not constantly snacking. I had a poor eater and a poor sleeper hence the professional input.
It really did work. I offered a savoury Ella’s pouch before feeding to sleep so he had less quickly digested breast milk and was mainly full of beef stew. I also ensured he ate calorie dense food in the day. It took a couple of weeks but it was a game changer. It also led to natural weaning as he was fuller from food so took less milk from me and that led to less being produced and to being weaned.