17mths and I still can't get him to fall asleep on his own & he's never slept for a whole night!

[burstingbug]

Going mad what do I do? He used to bf to sleep till 13mths, then I stopped bf altogether. I have to spend ages by his bed before he'll fall asleep, he'll keep sitting up to check I'm still there. Even if I'm standing up a foot away from the bed, he'll get up and cling to me. he's upstairs crying at the stair gate atm. He shares a room with his almost 3 yr old brother, who luckily now goes to sleep by himself and will sleep through DS2's cries.
DS2 has never spent a whole night in bed either. between 12 and 4.30 he'll wake up and wander in to our room, where I haul him into our bed and eventually he'll settle. I know I should walk him back to his bed, but I'm just too tired to the past few mths, and then we'll have the whole problem of trying to get him back to sleep again.

Sorry for the rambling post, can't concentrate properly with the cries from above
bbs

Is he still in cot or have you him in a bed? Symapthies as well. My dd is still not sleeping through and will watch this thread with interest.

sounds horrendous. am so sorry for you. have experienced sleeping probs with both of mine too and did controlled crying with both of em and it worked really well. its not easy and you probly have to be at end of your tether before you do it (i was) but i found it necessary. only thing was mine were still in cots when i did it so they couldnt get out! i dunno how it would work if they can get up out a bed. also for older childs night wanderings, we have a stairgate in the doorway (not at top of stairs cos if they climbed over it they'd obviously fall right down all the stairs!) anyway doesnt stop him getting up, but at least he cant get into our room! but we have to get up and put him back to bed.

You have my sympathy! DD is a poor sleeper too and is 16m. She can go all night (about 11 hours) but this is very rare and only ever one or 2 nights at any one time.

I still BF but she is capable of self settling which is a result of some CC earlier on. It has not fixed everything but it does mean I can get her to bed in the first place - she either BFs to sleep if very tired or poorly or feeds until very dozy then falls asleep as soon as she is in the cot.

I have no magic cure, I would suggest a cot so he can't wonder around and a pillow helped DD go longer as she cuddles into it (also good if they have a cold as it elevates their head).

She is self weaning a bit I think so night wakings are tough but we are trying Gradual Witdrawal. It is hard on the back at 4am! and you need iron will and patience but DP got her back to sleep the other night like this.

Another thing we do every now and then is to settle her on our bed, she lies on her tummy and we sing and pat her back. She falls asleep quite quickly but you have to wait about 20 mins before moving her out and into her bed.

Dp is away atm but when he is back we are going to do GW properly so I can report back more later!

After some more crying and sobbing, he has gone to sleep, well for the moment!
He's in a toddler bed as he was climbing out of his cot at 13mths!
There is a stair gate in their doorway which is shut until we go to bed, then we shut the stair gate at the top of the stairs and open the one on their door. Both DS's come straight to our room (so far) when they wake in the night or in the morning.
DS1 was like this too, we tried controlled crying to a certain extent but it was difficult as we lived in a flat. Then we tried rapid return, as soon as he got out of bed, we popped him straight back, but he thought it was a great game, over 100 returns in just over an hr, didn't get better either over a period of time, so resorted to staying with him till he fell asleep. We then moved into a house, tried rapid returns again which failed, so for a couple of weeks was sitting with him till he fell asleep. One night I got so fed up of him messing around (and I was bf DS2 at the same time) I told DS1 I had had enough and was going downstairs and I'd see him in the morning. 1st night he cried for 5-10mins before taking himself to bed, and within a week, there was no problems, story kiss goodnight, cd on and I could leave him to drift off on his own. He was about 22mths at that point.
Nothings working with DS2 yet

" I told DS1 I had had enough and was going downstairs and I'd see him in the morning "

Nothing at all wrong with that - he was old enough to understand - right thing to do.

My DD finally slept through at 17 months with CC and rapid return.
The only thing I can say is stick with it no matter what , if you give in just once - they know it is worth trying it on !! ( I learned the hard way and had to start over .)

Do exactly as you did with DS1 , might frustratingly take longer - but you have seen that it works !!

Good news for you to look forward to - DD now regularly does 14 -16 hours a night at 2.5 years .

"Night night mummy , I am a good girl who goes to sleep with no crying !! "

Well he stayed in his bed till about 4.50, then he woke up and came into our bed and slept till just after 7. Will have to see what happens tonight.

Well DH put him to bed last night, no problems. Until 10.30, where he woke up and would NOT settle again. Crying and fidgeting non stop. One awful night

Fingers crossed for tonight

Good Luck - Sorry I posted and ran. I always sing The Take That Song in my head (Patience!) when she is being fussy - it helps me to keep calm.

I was just about to start a similar thread. Ds is 19 mths and currently sittimg playing next to me

He used to bf to sleep then wake up at midnight and we co-slept. Now he bfs until dozy and then seems to wake up and wants to play til I go to bed

We used to have a nice bedtime routine...bath, story, milk and sleep. Still do just no sleep!

Miss my evenings but not ready to do cc. So will also be watching with interest for any ideas!

onelittleonion - I think he enjoys the bedtime with you bit so much he has dropped the sleeping alone bit. IMO you have 2 choices, either you go to bed when he does and Co-Sleep, there is a poster called Kiskiddee who is good on this topic who may help you. OR you change the routine completely and do a bit of Gradual Withdrawal/CC type sleep training. Easy to say - but not so easy to do yourself!

I must admit that I sometimes like the late evenings when DD is sleepy and wants to chat while lying in my bed but I can't co-sleep for medical reasons so she HAS to go to her own bed for me and DP to get some sleep.

We got over our worst hurdle of her waking every 45 mins by CC when she was very young but she is naturally a poor sleeper and no amount of CC will do the trick nowadays if she is even slightly poorly or teething etc (which as we all know is 75% of the time!)

Some times you just need your evenings back

I hope you find a miracle cure - if you do make sure you share it

I should add I am still BFing too - so similar BFing to sleep issues DD 16m btw

have you tried putting a muslin in your bra so it gets your smell on it and giving it to him as a comforter? or if you wear perfume you could try spraying it with perfume?

do you think cosleeping might help?

also does he go to sleep on his back cos mine always settled better on his side or tummy.

have you tried a white noise cd?

He doesn't really have a comforter he just likes bears and doggies for cuddling but I might get a special bedtime bear that we can put to bed at the same time to see if it helps. Will try white noise or music used to work too. He doesn't go to sleep on his own at all. It's either in the buggy or with me.

I've just bought a bedside cot off a mnetter so am thinking might start see if settling him in our room is easier as he asociates with sleep already.

Is nice to know we're not on our own (altho wish we all had sleeping babies!)

Hi Onelittlelion, how are things?

What you said about him not sleeping for anyone else. I went though hell when I had to send DD to Nursery at 13m thinking she would not nap. She did - and within minutes

She also went back to sleep the one time we had a Babysitter just before Christmas, all she did was sing her Twinkle Twinkle - which I sing at bedtime when I am putting her PJs on - and then she popped her in the cot on her tummy and rubbed her back/patted her gently and she went off! She does have a bedtime teddy. When she is tired she goes and fetches it and hands it to me. Perhaps you should dedicate a teddy to bedtime and naps and see if it helps.

Well he's asleep now so will see how long it lasts!

I don't know when we have had babysitters he ahs just played but mayb they didn't try to put him down? Dh dives him to sleep when I'm out with my friends but tha does feel a bit like cheating!

I will definately try a teddy as it seems a positive and gentle start to sorting the problem out...if it works will be very happy!