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Original poster

Tips for help with partner settling 20 month old at bed time.

6 replies

lalaland2023 · 29/10/2022 20:34

I haven't left my 20 month old in the evening/overnight since the day he was born. I've not felt comfortable until now, but the only issue is I'm the only one who is able to settle him at night. He's still bf to sleep, but has no issue falling asleep at nursery or with my parents in the day for naps.

Does anyone have any tips for helping partner settle him at night for bed or other care givers in general (my parents). He wakes in the night still and I'm the only one he wants. I also would love some weaning tips (I have a guide I bought, but am yet to read)

Again, he doesn't miss being breasted until he sees me!

Many thanks!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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Skinnermarink · 29/10/2022 20:39

Ok- so what if you were in a Premier Inn for a thr night and he didn’t see you?

Carbon12 · 29/10/2022 21:10

Get your partner to be more involved in the bedtime routine to begin with.

This could be reading books, giving a bath or just some quality bonding before bed.

Then, after a week or so, partner then also puts child to bed. He'll cry for you to begin with but you just have to let your partner persevere. Your toddler might want develop a different sleep association with your partner, it could be rocking or patting instead of bfing.

My husband was very strong willed when it came to settling DD1 to sleep. He would kick me out of the room and basically tell me to F off (in a nice way) if I tried intervening when my baby would cry for me. It would last about 5/10 mins and then she would settle. It was ok that she cried because he was there the whole time rocking and pacing with her. She's now 20 months and cosleeps with my husband since I have a newborn in my bed.

You guys will get there with perseverance ❤️

LGBirmingham · 30/10/2022 12:21

You just have to let your partner do it and not get in the way. That's how lo learnt to fall asleep with other people in the day. Honestly it will be fine.

I mean you stopping feeding to sleep might make it easier. But if it's working for you and you don't mind it then why bother? I only stopped feeding to sleep because it was not really working any more and it did make it easier for dad, but he did still go to sleep for dad when needed before that point.

Lo might be upset with dad instead of you but it won't do any damage, he's there being supported with someone he loves. He just has to get used to it.

Original poster
lalaland2023 · 30/10/2022 14:02

Thank you. Really appreciate your kind and encouraging responses. The thought just gives me anxiety! Last night DP approached me about it after a few glasses of wine and pretty much said we have to do it. I think he sees me taking it all on with no respite and knows he can help. I've not been out at night since he was born and we've had one date night on holiday when my in-laws babysat, but that's it. The thing is, I haven't really felt bothered about any of this until DP brought it up. He said some really supportive things, but he also said some very insensitive things which made me upset. I don't think he meant it, but I already feel people judge me for not leaving him at night and the fact I'm still breast feeding! I know we have to have a life too, but they're only little for such a short amount of time. Anyway, I've rambled! Ha.

Xx

OP posts:
cantforthelifeofme · 30/10/2022 14:51

I remember someone saying to me, when I was I similar position to yours, tha it's helpful to introduce another association between feeding and sleep. Eg. Do a feed, then read a book, then put down to sleep. You need to gently break the routine and association between feed and sleep.

Then perhaps could you try doing normal evening routine (eg. Dinner, gentle play, bath, pyjamas) then you feed, then dp does book, and puts to sleep, then gradually just keep all the other components of the routine and just skip feed? Eventually dp doing all the new routine?

Sorry that was a very long winded way of explaining.

LGBirmingham · 30/10/2022 18:30

lalaland2023 · 30/10/2022 14:02

Thank you. Really appreciate your kind and encouraging responses. The thought just gives me anxiety! Last night DP approached me about it after a few glasses of wine and pretty much said we have to do it. I think he sees me taking it all on with no respite and knows he can help. I've not been out at night since he was born and we've had one date night on holiday when my in-laws babysat, but that's it. The thing is, I haven't really felt bothered about any of this until DP brought it up. He said some really supportive things, but he also said some very insensitive things which made me upset. I don't think he meant it, but I already feel people judge me for not leaving him at night and the fact I'm still breast feeding! I know we have to have a life too, but they're only little for such a short amount of time. Anyway, I've rambled! Ha.

Xx

I'm still breastfeeding and mine is 22 months. You're not alone. I did night wean though, which made the breastfeeding journey much more positive for me. I would still feed to sleep if it hadn't stopped working. You're definitely not alone.

Both my sisters and my mum breastfed their kids until 2/3 when they were ready to stop. X

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