I want to fucking scream

[SpandauChalet]

6 month old has never tolerated being put down for naps but I could live with that as she's generally quite chilled and was sleeping in long, reliable chunks in her moses basket at night. Sleep regression/teething/whatever is upon us and now she won't nap at all and wakes hourly at night. It's half term and I've got a hyperactive 5 year old at home with me too. Husband works standard office hours in the week but of course needs his chill out time in the evenings and at weekends as a priority He makes half hearted offers to cancel his plans to "help" but it's not worth the stroppy martyr act and I resent him framing it as my choice. He does one night shift with the baby on a weekend and an hour before work in the morning so I can shower and do laundry etc, which he seems to think he deserves a medal for. I have no help from friends or family. I am on max dose of anti depressants and I daydream about self harm to get me through the days and nights. He's downstairs with a friend gaming right now while I'm begging the baby to just lie down quietly for a few hours in a row.

How long does this sleep regression usually last at 6 months? I can't remember. I remember 9 months being horrific last time but this is worse as she will not be put down or nap like the first one did.

I hate my life. I want to run away from the lot of them.

Fucking fuck the incessant screaming. I'm walking away tomorrow when he gets in from work.

First things first, go and get your partner right this second. He needs to take the baby so you can take a few minutes to yourself and sort your thoughts out. You need help from your partner and you need to make him aware of exactly how you're feeling and that right now, if he's not going to step up and parent graciously, you're feeling like you'll walk out the door. Sleep regressions are complete shit show and sent from the devil himself, bit they do end. If I remember right it was a few weeks for mine to settle back down and to be honest, I did sleep training because I felt like sticking knives in my eyes! Can you speak to your GP in the morning to see what other services they can offer to support you? The most important thing right now is keeping baby safe, and if that means leaving her to cry for a few minutes in a safe place whilst you compile yourself, so be it. You sound overwhelmed and exhausted, but you're doing great.

All day and all night it never ends. He says I need to calm down. I hope he has a lovely refreshing sleep. I'm leaving them all tomorrow.

Just in case it is teething have you given any calpol?

He is kind of right, a stressed mother can cause a stressed baby, however I dont think he will like the solution - he takes over so you can breathe and relax.

Tell him, not ask, that every Sunday morning he sees to both children while you sleep. He sees to them from 4am (or whatever is last night feed) until midday. If either he or the children wake you then you get longer.

My husband was a selfish twat and expected me to do everything but that is the one thing he did do. Every Sunday morning without fail. House was wrecked, breakfast everywhere, kids filthy and in pj's....but I slept! It makes all the difference,

Shit. You sound like you've reached breaking point.

How is baby fed? Can he do a good long stretch of time without the excuse you are needed for feeding? If so, then yes, leave them all tomorrow. Tell your husband how broken you are, that he has to have the baby for the next day and night and just go.

If baby needs you for feeding then do the same but stay in the house. Explain you will feed only and you'll have to be really strong and perhaps say that means a maximum of X amount of times in X number of hours based in normal hunger feeds not comfort feeds.

I have a similarly useless partner and the hard times are extra hard so I get it.

My first had a tough time at 6mo. I remember having to bedshsre for the entire month but at 7mo he was fine in his own room so hopefully this will be over in a few months and baby will be more settled again.

Sending unmumsnetty hugs and strength!

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, my 3rd baby was the hardest most clingy baby ever I used to think its coz she was a lockdown baby but nope just her personality haha, she's 2 and a half now and drill tests me daily! She never slept much longer than an hour day or night for a whole year (i breast fed which didn't help with all this) I was totally exhausted had two older girls 6 and 3 at the time and it was just a constant struggle, my partner done very little help and still the same now, but he would help abit with the older two albeit with a huff or two which I absolutely HATE, but i wanted to reply just so you know you're not alone, it does get better and easier and take those sweet quiet moments with your baby asleep in your arms and just stare st them, I found this really helped me mellow and calm down from a hard nights sleep or a screaming session, being a mum is god damn hard especially when your baby is testing you but what i found helped was, tell yourself it's not forever cpz although it seems never ending in the moment it's not, as you know having had a another child too, take them quiet moments to hug your finally calm/settled baby and get your oldest to join in on the cuddles, sod the housework it will still be there tomorrow (this was a big one I had to get to terms with after my 3rd) and also be kind to yourself, you're doing amazingly! And please reach and talk to someone if you need extra help if whether that's friends or family to help or just vent to or a professional and remember you're not alone!!! ❤️

I meant to say *over in a few weeks

Who does he think he’s “helping” it’s his child, it’s not help but his responsibility and he doesn’t get to opt out

tell him you’ll do every other night each as you need your chill out time

OP this is awful for you but please just remember that 6 months ago your baby was still in your belly. She is still so brand new.

You have a 5 year old so you understand that this stage isn't forever but do you think maybe if the screaming is triggering you to feel the way you are, that the best thing to do would just be to comfort your baby through it? Maybe she needs to fall asleep in your arms right now. Maybe the closeness of her calming down by being with you would soothe you too. Her world is changing every day as she grows and develops and that can be scary.

Please make your OH step up and do more. It sounds like you are doing an amazing job but you need a break sometimes too.

Not sure if this is helpful, but my DD (3) is going through a sleep regression. 2 months of me up multiple times every night. Hell. I'm literally ill from being so run down from sleep deprivation. I bought a sleep aid from glow dreaming, which plays pink noise all night. Got down to one wake per night. Last night she slept through, tonight was looking good, but I'm now up with all the lights on as the cat found a big spider in the bed and I'm traumatised. Not the point. DD is still asleep. I think the light helps and you get 60 days or money back. This is a bit rambled but it is the middle of the night. Anyway just thought I'd mention it as I was absolutely desperate at point of purchase, and all out of ideas. Hoping this sleep regression/teething stage passes for you soon

Poor you OP.

Has your DD been fed? Is she clean and dry?

Personally I would lie with her in bed and co sleep.

Your DH can sleep on the couch.

You poor thing.. My second was like this until 3ish, always waking. I coslept just so I didn't have to keep getting up and walking to another bedroom. Hard times.. You need your DP to step up more. You'll be no good if you break.

@SpandauChalet sleep deprivation is awful and makes everything seem a million times worse!

Can you afford to throw some money at the problem? The Blissfull baby expert is a miracle worker! I paid £150 for her support service and my daughter slept 7-6 from 5 months old! She’s three now and still sleeps 11 hours.

How are you?