3 weeks - normal to not be put down in cot?

[AmberM2022]

So my baby is 3 weeks old, and at first he was great at going down in the cot after a feed. But the last week he will not be put down - at all day or night although it is worse in the night. He has his feed and then has no problem falling asleep in my arms but as soon as i put him into his moses in about 6/7 mins he soon realises i’m not holding him and he’s screaming and screaming.
I know he’s still a new baby and 3 weeks is nothing but i am really struggling with him only wanting to be held all the time all of the sudden and just screaming and screaming.
I have tried putting one of my tops in his crib, a hot water bottle to warm it up, a night light, soothing music, putting him down drowsy and swaddling (which he once loved and now absolutely HATES)
Any tips or just reassurance!

Definitely normal. Google the fourth trimester.

Are you sure he’s completely winded?
I thought my ds was winded when he burped once or twice, and I didn’t realise that I needed to hold him until his legs went soft.

It took a good 10-15 minutes but he’d cry when I put him down if he wasn’t fully winded. My dd was completely different and would sleep soundly farting away!

Aw that sounds hard. Swaddling, white noise, dummy a sleepyhead and tilting my next to me so baby wasn’t completely flat all helped with mine. (So threw everything at them!) But they were never so bad at being put down. Some of those aren’t safe sleep recommendations according to lullaby trust (tilting and sleepyhead).
I know a lot of people struggle with this though! Silent Reflux might be an issue?
I look for sleep advice from justchillbabysleep so maybe have a look there.
Good luck!

Yep, normal. Mine is 5.5 months and still won't go down in the crib. Naps are contact naps or in his pram, night time he starts in the crib after being put down already asleep and then comes into bed with me after an hour or so when he wakes up for the first time.

Can't give many tips but reassurance that this is totally normal! Some babies are like this more than others but at 3 weeks they are still so small and just getting used to the world outside your tummy.
Have you got a sling or carrier you could wear him in so you could at least get some hands free time when he naps during the day?

So hard at night but I have to be honest I coslept with mine in the end as she was the same and my DH worked away and I wasn't getting a jot of sleep. Things do change all the time with babies though so this could easily improve over time, everything is a phase with parenting!

Best wishes with your new baby x

Yep, a few months in with DD1 and from the start with DD2 I just coslept.

100% normal. He need his mummy to feel safe. It is bloody tough though!

So normal, but so tough! You have my sympathy, DS was exactly the same. Then at 5/6 weeks he just suddenly was fine with the Next to Me again 🤷🏼‍♀️

Thank you all so much for your comments!! it’s nice to know it is actually normal and i haven’t done or doing anything wrong!
I am always scared of picking him up too much and cuddling him to sleep in fear of him getting used to it and just never ever getting out of this phase! But it’s the only way he will have any naps.
I know it’s not safe sleeping but in a month or so if this carries on i would maybe just put him in my bed because i’m already exhausted and feel like it’s taking it’s toll i feel soo anxious at tea time and upset knowing what sort of night i’m in for with him and i hate it.

For anyone who’s little one was like this when they were newborn did they ever grow out of it? or if i get him in my bed / just let him sleep on me during the day and night will he always want to?

Totally 100% entirely normal!

Aww @AmberM2022 it's so true that you can't spoil a newborn, cuddle as much as you want/baby needs!

I coslept from about 4 weeks in the same situation as you for about a fortnight before DS just randomly became ok with the next to me again. It saved my sanity! Look at the safe sleep guidelines on the Lullaby Trust website.

This is a rough period but it will get better. Reading Lyndsey Hookway's instagram made me feel better and less alone too!

It's normal and all children will grow out of wanting to sleep with their mum. I used to bedshare with mine and it was lovely to snuggle up. Check for how to do it safely - the guidance stopped saying you shouldn't a while back.

My baby is 16 weeks old this week and the first 8 weeks were hell! He would only nap on me during the day or if he was put down he would be awake within 30 mins I couldn’t get much done, feeding every 3 hours, suffered with bad colic at night would scream for hours but wasn’t too bad once he went down at night in his next 2 me. He started to improve after week 8. There are still days where he will only nap on me and other days he will sleep in his buggy etc and sometimes he will have long naps and sometimes short ones. He feeds every 4 hours now and some days I can get lots done and some days hardly anything. He doesn’t like being in his buggy for long and gets frustrated so I do have a carrier which is a godsend! I time taking him out when his due a nap otherwise he will just cry. He has a feed at 9pm and generally sleeps till 4am some nights he will wake up and want his dummy put in and other nights he stays asleep the whole time. I do normally put him in with me if he doesn’t go back to sleep at 4am and normally has a feed around 6/7am. It does get easier and no two days are the same! There are a lot of milestones and growth spurts etc coming so it will change a lot. I think the next one for me is the 4 month sleep regression so I’m expecting it all to go downhill soon! I think he has started teething too so he is a bit grizzly.
My other 2 children never slept in their own cots all night so I mainly co slept with them just so I did get some sleep.

I co slept with my DD for the first 4 weeks. Please don't worry about cuddling and rocking them too much, you can't spoil a newborn! I definitely did all those things to my DD and now at nearly 4 months she does (most) naps and night time in the crib.

Have you tried swaddling then feeding him to sleep then putting him down?

normal. But try arms up swaddles, white noise, dummy, and a bit of gentle crib jiggling. We also had a sleepyhead

Totally normal. DD was my 3rd and much worse for this than my first two were, so I did try all sorts (dummy, swaddling, special hammock thing) but no, she just only wanted to sleep on me. It wore off eventually (felt like forever probably only a month or two!).

Please look into Safe Sleep 7

As a nanny for 15 years, I thought I knew every trick in the book for getting babies to sleep... until I had my baby in April.

From day 10, the tiredness got too much, and I tried to figure out side feeding and co-sleeping. 6 months on, and we're still going strong. I get pretty much a full night's sleep every night.

Being in close contact with their caregivers helps a baby's brain to develop properly. It's unnatural to sleep by themselves, so this is absolutely nothing you're doing/no doing, and of course they will grow out of it.

I find it hard to sleep when my partner is away for the night/weekend, so I imagine it's even harder for a defenseless baby to sleep by themselves.

It sounds like you're doing a great job of listening to your instincts.

Biologically Normal Baby and Toddler Sleep Facebook group is a great community for advice and reassurance.

Hi I posted something very similar a few days a go. My Velcro baby is 6 weeks, we co sleep and he naps in the sling or pram honestly I'm exhausted. I love the little precious to bits but would like the occasional use of both my hands or to have a shower in super speed to the sound track of a screaming baby :(

no advice just posting in solidarity x

Normal...
For 3 weeks. And 3 months. Even 3 years.
It waxes and wanes like the moon tbh!!

Google 4th trimester
And Sarah ockwell smith.

Take it easy and go with the flow.

And congratulations btw!

Googling the 4th trimester has made a lot of sense! I also googled witching hour - or in my case more than one hour.
I am also unsure what an arms up/out swaddle is??? All i know is he kicks off big time if his arms are being held in that swaddle 😂😂😂

We had an awful night with him last night non stop screaming for 5/6 hours and i just wanted to run away to be honest. The crying seems relentless and even though was mostly at night now seems to be during the day too!

Thanks everyone for your reassuring comments though

I'm so sorry! The beginning period is tough - my husband and I used to take her in her pram in the evening to the park and just sit there with our heads in our hands haha. I used to cry in the evenings because I dreaded night time. It gets so much better I promise.
Have you tried the "Love to Dream" swaddles? They're very good and my DD loved them! Their little arms are closed in but they can move them above their head.
We also implemented a bedtime routine at this age, I know it's quite early but it just gave us a bit of structure and we realised that DD was ready to sleep at around 7pm and she loved the bath so she calmed right down in the evenings. We also did white noise and low lighting to keep things calm (didn't always work, but sometimes we had success).

They usually have a sleepy period for the first couple of weeks and then hit you with reality after that..... lulls you into a false sense of security that this parenting lark is easy. It's totally normal.

We lived by the fourth trimester, 5 S's and wonder weeks (an app) to get by.

There's all sorts going on in their body now - digestive system adapting, wind, poos they can't move because they don't move around enough yet to get their system working, new environments to adapt to etc, being passed to every Tom, dick and Harry that wants a cuddle and being nice and snug to being pooped in a Moses basket, car seat, pram.

His safe place and familiar place is snuggled up on you.