Ideas to help DD sleep for longer periods in the evening.

[NoviceKnitter]

DD is 7 months and won't sleep for more than half an hour in the evening (often waking every 15 mins). I've posted before when she was younger but then I put it down to cluster feeding. Now I'm not so sure it's that, plus she's feeding (or sucking anyway) alot more during the night than she has done since about 4 weeks old (we co-sleep.)

For the first six months we mostly kept her in the living room with us in the eves to save me spending hours alone in a cold dark room with no food or telly (DD is bf to sleep in the evenings and with each wakening - so DP can't soothe her or get her to sleep - the sling used to work for him but now only I will do) recently we've started putting her down again in the bedroom because she's too alert now to be expected not to be distracted by telly and stuff going on. But it does mean I'm spending a lot of time in a cold dark room and it's really draining - I'm getting burnt out now and that's not good for any of us.

I had always gone with the flow as I'm basically a bit of an AP type, and also I thought (and people said) this would start to settle down when she started solids. But if anything it's got worse. (Admittedly she's got lots going on at the mo with first tooth and other milestones in the making.)

Neither DP or I are up for controlled crying (and DD would cry something if we tried) but are now very keen to try and either help her sleep through for longer periods (2 hours would be wonderful) or so that DP could take on some of the getting her to sleep. We've just bought the Sears Sleep Book and also the No Cry Sleep Solution - not immediately convinced they hold the answers. Other thoughts:

Try a dummy in case it's comfort sucking (don't think she'd go for it tho - really don't)

Try cranial osteopathy

Try again with bottled expressed milk

Try giving her a bottle of formula at bedtime

Sorry this is so long, but would love to hear your thoughts.

PS Napwise she sleeps regularly but always in sling, buggy , car seat or lap.

NoviceKitten, a big hug for the hard time you're having. Having read your post, I think you've thought of a number of ideas to try and you should try these in the first instance i.e. I don't have anything new to add. For the dummy idea, try several before giving up with them. As for the cranial osteopath, what have you got to lose (except a bit of money)?

For the feeding, I'm guessing that DD won't take a bottle at the moment based on what you've said. Again, you could try some different teats and see what happens. Try offering a bottle everyday and see what happens (don't force it though). If your DD finally takes one then this should give you a bit of a break. Otherwise, could you get DP to take DD for a walk in the buggy one evening just to give you a bit of a break?

I think you're right about the books you've bought, they probably don't hold the answer but I do think they hold a number of ideas which will help. This is what I found with the No Cry Sleep Solution. I also think that you know your DD best is that CC is probably not the right thing for her.

For naps, I think there are a number of babies who refuse to take them in their cot - I know DS won't (and doesn't like them in many other places either but that's a different story).

NK I so sympathise. My DS was very much like this (he's 6 months) except he couldn't settle in the living room after he was around a month old! So at first I used to just go to bed with him (he had colic) every night. Then as he got older I started trying to BF him to sleep and escape - this worked about 3 nights a month until he was 4 months! After that it got better - I could leave for 30-45 minute spells as long as he was well asleep before I left. We're now at a stage where he sleeps more deeply and so I can BF him to sleep, put him in cot and leave room for 30-45 minutes. He's at last letting DP settle him and will sometimes, after one or two wakings, sleep for up to 2hrs 15mins in the evening.

My only suggestion is to send your DP in to her when she first stirs after you've settled her. This was how we did it - as long as he went in quickly while DS was still sleepy and I always stepped in if we reached hysterics, slowly DS got more used to being comforted by him and in the last week or two DP has got him to sleep from wide awake for the first time. You'll feel much better psychologically if your DP can take a share, even if you're having to step in sometimes. Over time, if she's always being resettled, she'll get better at sleeping longer. I think they just have to get used to sleeping alone without you by their side.

I also found DS sleeps better on his side or on his front but I wouldn't have done that when he was tiny. You might feel OK with trying that if your DD has good head control and can lift herself in a push-up.

It's soul-detroying though, I know. Try making sure you can't see the clock when you're settling her, because watching my evening tick away always made me really impatient and therefore less successful!

Thanks for such supportive replies. I think it's that thing of after a long day it's so draining not to get any evening time but also it's hard to step back and reassess how you're doing things because you're so in the moment, iyswim.

Last night we came up with a sort of plan (in addition to the above) which is to use this week as a sort of observation week because although she has a kind of nap routine she's never had an feeding routine (although we do have regular times for her solid meals). So I'm going to log all eating and sleeping day and night and see if any pattern emerges, and then try and implement a feeding routine that we can start to move around a bit (i.e. longer gaps in evening and try and get her to feed more in the day instead of getting distracted by exciting life around...)

Agree that it would help alot if DP could do more, and he is up for it if we can make it work, so we'll give it our best shot. Good to know it paid off for you in the end IAR. He's now taking over the mornings - we're going to get up earlier (DD easily sleeps past 8 and DP has to leave at 8.30 so we're aiming for 7 - 7.30 so he can get her dressed etc) then I can express some milk and we can experiment again with bottle.

Yes, IAteRosemary - DD seems to sleep better on her side. Also, she does seem to sleep for longer stretches (45 mins or so) later in the evening (10/11ish) but really I should be going to be then but tempting to use the time to catch up on washing etc.

I've also tried to make the bedroom more comfortable and think I'll get some audio books or something, so I set myself up for a nice evening in there!

Am hoping cranial osteopath might help.

For what it's worth, to anyone reading this with a younger baby, I think 4 months is a good time to try and help babies into a better sleep routine. I'm a believer in the first three months as a fourth trimester kind of thing but then by six months they are beginning to know their stuff and things can become habits rather than needs. It's easy for me to say that in retrospect but I think there was a time when we should have given it a really good go but we were to tired probably.

Anyway, she's wonderful and I hope we can sort this out so we can give each other our best instead of flying slighlty at half mast...

Have you seen Moxie's site?

If you're a bit APish anyway you'll find it interesting anyway. I like her take on things. And you can email her questions should you need to.

Also SIFTW is a blog by some MNers who have loads of experience of troublesome sleepers. You can email them too (or you can just post on the SIFTW thread in Sleep!) but it's a good read to see that you're not alone in suffering, and remind yourself It Will Pass!

Thanks very much. I've only had to go in three times this evening, but for at least half an hour each time. Still, she is asleep in her cot right now and a few months ago that would have been out of the question. Small steps. Also, she hardly fed at all today so maybe she is just tanking up in the evenings. Anyway, as you say It Will Pass!

Hi again, my latest theory of many is that it's also separation anxiety set in - I can't leave the bed at night to go to the loo without her screaming the house down - she senses in her sleep that I've gone. So I'm thinking now's not the time to do anything TOO drastic. Feeling a bit more energised now anyway...