Bad SIDS anxiety

[TheBerry]

My boy is 5 weeks old and my SIDS anxiety is getting worse and worse.

I understand the risk keeps increasing until he's 4 months old, so there's a long way to go before I might start feeling better.

We do use an Owlet Smart Sock which is honestly the best thing I've ever bought as I think I'd be checking him every 10 minutes throughout the night otherwise. With the sock I know the alarm will go off if anything starts going wrong, and I can just open my eyes a crack and check his vitals on my phone if I want any reassurance. It's honestly a godsend.

However, I still have a general fear of SIDS, including during the day when he's not wearing the sock because it's charging. On the occasions that we actually get him to go to sleep in his Moses basket I can't relax because I'm so paranoid he'll die if I leave the room for five minutes.

We do elevate the head of his basket because he gets painful reflux. Other than that, we follow all the guidelines, I think. He doesn't have anything in his crib, and he sleeps in a Snoo at night so can't roll over or get smothered or anything like that. We don't smoke and we give him a dummy when he's going to sleep.

I worry a lot about the temperature. I honestly have no idea whether he's too hot or too cold and am constantly torn between opening the window and turning the heater on. I know overheating is a SIDS risk. We have an old house with poor insulation so my bedroom at home is often cold, and we can't use blankets with the Snoo - but I'm worried if I put the heater on at night he might actually get too hot.

It really consumes me. I have nightmares about it. This calculator says his risk is lower than average, but I'm still afraid. I think the reflux, gas, and dyschezia could increase his risk. And he has so much active sleep compared to quiet sleep, which is another risk factor.

Is there anything I can do?

Yes you should see a gp for anxiety. In the meantime you should look at comparable risks to assure yourself of the probabilities and ask yourself if you worry about those things happening.

Oh and bin the sock, it's not helping.

I agree that the anxiety you have around SIDS isn't proportionate to the risk. You are aware of the risk factors, you have taken appropriate measures and that should be enough to reassure you. But it obviously isn't, for some reason. Do you know why this particular issue is causing you such anxiousness?

I can have anxiety times in my life. Usually if I have taken appropriate measures as pp said it settles me enough not to worry to an extreme. Which I think you are. Are you getting enough sleep? My anxiety increases to extreme when I'm tired. Don't forget your also post-partum which I found also made an effect. I do think chat with gp etc

Agree with the above. This sounds like anxiety that far exceeds proportionate and healthy worry. SIDS and accidental suffocation are often lumped together but are different things. True SIDS is incredibly rare and accidental suffocation you can minimise, which you have done. You are more likely to get hit by lightning than your baby dying of SIDS.

I had this. We used our owlet (still do, she's 2 now) and I didn't do any unsupervised day sleeps until she was 18months.

I did what I needed to get through, so I don't regret it - however I had really severe postnatal anxiety and needed a huge amount of support from perinatal mental health. You may want to reach out to them. X

You need to seek medical help for you anxiety.

dyschezia is a normal part of the developmental process.

I just wanted to add some solidarity to your feelings. I bottle fed my first baby and was completely consumed with intrusive thoughts that she would die of SIDS because I elected to bottle feed. It completely ruined the enjoyment of having a newborn.
I wouldn’t let anyone who smoked anywhere near her, and was completely obsessed with bottle hygiene and sterilising everything.
I did end up having some counselling and that did help, as did passing the 16 week high risk threshold.

sleep deprivation, hormones and the intense love you feel for your baby all do crazy things to your brain. Try and get some support. I’d definitely mention this to your midwife.

good luck, I hope you feel better soon. For what it’s worth with me second baby I was completely chill and barely have it a passing thought xxx

I was also under the perinatal mental health team and they were truly truly wonderful

You must stop this before you make yourself ill. The thing you worry about the most never happens ! Enjoy your baby and get some rest when he is sleeping if the room feels ok to you then it's ok for your baby

I think you need to see the GP about anxiety. Assuming you take your baby in a car, statistically that is far far higher risk than SIDS

Are you enjoying your new born at all?
See your GP asap, because when you look back at this time in his life, you'll only remember how anxious you was.
Soon your anxiety will change to weaning, crawling, development, walking, getting poorly.

Op, I gasped reading this because THIS WAS ME.

Now. You have two choices,

One, seek he,o now for anxiety

Or, let it grow like I did, because I can assure you, as soon as you hit the four. I this it's something else.

Weaning, bugs, sickness, milestones, you name it. I focus in on a particular risk or issue and drive myself literally mad.

Please, please, I beg you get help now.

It's an awful place to be.

I'm still struggling now and first is four, second two and I'm pregnant.

It's much better, but I wish to goodness I had or someone had recognised it earlier.

I have had periods when i'm very anxious about this too op. I'm fine now and my mental checklist helps me. Every time before I'm about to go to sleep I look over to 7 month old dd and think

• on her back
• calm, breathing ok, safe and happy
• blanket tucked in or sleeping bag secure
• no loose items e.g Muslim, bib in cot / crib

After that I basically force myself not to dwell on things any longer and go to bed. I do have to be strict with myself but overall it works.

This is bringing back so much, I had bad post natal anxiety for a long time. I was really worried about SIDs then it moved onto whatever danger I could think of after that.
My GP did say this was common and treatable. I opted for anti depressants and am finding anxiety and life much easier to deal with and wish id started them sooner, but it's not for everyone.

For what it's worth, from my research if you have researched safe sleep and follow the practises to avoid sids then the chances of it happening have already decreased for you. I hope you can rest and enjoy this time soon

That sounds so stressful OP, you must feel like you can't let your guard down for a minute when he's asleep. I bet you're exhausted.
SIDS is something that lots of people think about but the amount of time it's taking over your thinking and the anxiety level that goes with it sounds like post natal anxiety. Have you had anxiety before, or any kind of loss, health conditions or traumatic experiences (including your birthing experience)? All of these things can totally understandably make us more likely to worry excessively.
I would speak to your GP or health visitor about getting a referral to your local perinatal mental health services who can assess what's going on in more details and help you decide what support might be most useful.

Our child slept on a nanny monitor (breathing sensor) until over age 3! I wish I'd got help sooner. But I do 10000000% get you.

I fear almost anything and everything that could go wrong in the world still

I’ve been through this twice with both my dds. I actually had two breathing monitors at one point. Get to your GP and get some support

You have postnatal anxiety. It's really obvious from your post. It's a form of PND and you should speak to your GP and HV to get help. I had the same issue and didn't get any support til 9 months. Please don't end up at crisis point like i did, reach out now.
(Trust me when the baby is over 4 months some new thing about your baby's safety or health will dominate your brain in the same damaging way that SIDS is now)

Not true at all. Why do people randomly make stuff like this up?

I agree that you need mental health help OP. Good luck.

Thanks everyone.

I will speak to the health visitor when she comes on Thursday as I agree that I do have PPA.

I've read that reflux could be a contributory factor for SIDS. His reflux is pretty bad at the moment. He always grunts and squirms all night long.