Hate the idea of sleep training but...

[Slumbersloth]

Just wanted to hear some encouragement/ reassurance really... I have a 4 months old who has never been a great sleeper. Has since birth refused the cot, and pretty much needed to be held to sleep. We transitioned to safe co-sleeping pretty early on. I suspect, perhaps he may now also have sleep regression as he is waking often, some nights every hour, and I struggle to put him down (insists to sleep on chest). I personally don't like the idea of sleep training as I feel it is cruel to leave babies to cry when they only have us to comfort them. Also when I tried PUPD couple of weeks ago it ended up stressful and traumatising for both baby and I. I think I'm mainly looking to hear from others how their little ones sleep has been without sleep training. I do worry sometimes that I will be "sleeping with baby forever" or "creating a rod for my own back". I do feel exhausted most days and feel it does affect my energy to be playful with baby during the day, and have quality time with husband... some mums seem to swear sleep training was the "best thing" they did for their LO, and they ended up with a much more happy and well rested baby. What are your thoughts?

4 months is still very young. Right or wrong is irrelevant to me as I'm not convinced sleep training would even work at this age.

Don't worry about making a rod for your back OP.

I think youre at about the right sort of age where you can start think about bringing in good sleep habits and associations. That doesn’t mean leaving your baby to cry for hours.
In my opinion a well rested baby and mum is a real benefit to everyone and worth working for.
What are little ones sleep conditions like? How are you trying to settle in cot? etc.

I agree about "sleep hygiene" though, I think 4 months is when they can start to get a bit more aware of noise and light so it's worth making sure it's quiet and dark at night time.

when babies are tiny the only control they have in the world is to cry

at some undefinable point as a parent you have to break the cry and get what you want behaviour.
it can be a lot sooner than you think but its not 4 months.
their developing bodies have an instinct to not be left alone as they would die if they got left behind. Its truly an genuine need at this point to know someone is watching over them while so they can sleep safely.

once theyve got a bit of object permanance then training them to sleep alone and feel safe doing so is not harmful but massively beneficial

You’re feeling touched out though, thats legit and you need to try and meet your need for some non touch time.

Whats youre family situation? Can the other parent pull some more weight?

When i was very alone with tiny baby i used to hang out at the library a lot.
the librarians loved to carry her about while i browsed book i definitely wouldnt read 😂❤️

4 month oldis too young to sleep train. But you cam create what people call good sleep habits. Such as putting down awake with dummy.

We hung on until 6 months to do CC. Which my hv suggested at 4 months 🤔 which I think is way to young to be honest.

That would be too young for me. Four month sleep regression, you just need to do what you can to manage it.

You're presumably asking for advice from people who have sleep trained their babies but at the same time saying you think it's cruel, so why are you asking these supposedly cruel women for help? I think you need to straighten out your thinking a bit. You need resolve to see sleep training through.

I did it twice, it's not fun but a worthwhile means to end if you can't cope with sleep deprivation any more. I wouldn't do it before 6 months though.

If I were you I'd aim for a routine and get as much help as you can. Can your partner help at night?