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15 months of sleep hell and counting

4 replies

ExhaustedBeyondBelief22 · 10/10/2022 22:54

I'm at a breaking point with my DD's sleep, I don't know what to do or how to change it anymore and I can't cope much longer with the sleep deprivation.

Since my girl was about 4.5 months we have had hourly/two hourly wake ups throughout the night. She has never slept through, and has never slept for longer than 4 hours at a time (and this has only happened a handful of times). I don't really know how she functions on such broken sleep, even now at nursery the most she sleeps is half an hour and on most days its only 15 mins all day!!!

She has CMPA, soy and egg allergies which have wreaked havoc on her sleep as she'd have horrendous stomach pain and wind. It took a while to be confirmed and so when we tried to sleep train her at 6 months we found it really tough as her cries were often due to discomfort. But I now find it incredibly hard to tell when she's crying at night purely because she wants comfort or for another reason. At the moment her wind is horrendous again - but nursery bugs have been brutal, we've had a month of constant illness and now three back teeth coming through. So the crying is particularly intense at the moment.

And that's the big problem - she doesn't just cry, she screams. She is hysterical and relentless. She gets in to such a state that she can choke and make herself sick. It's awful and I find it incredibly triggering. The only thing that stops her is having my boob in her mouth or, sometimes, being bounced and held to sleep. Although she won't do this with me, only DH.

We've tried cosleeping but it just doesn't work. She still screams hysterically and climbs all over me and DH. Usually writhing around and again won't settle until I've fed her - although it's purely comfort as she barely takes any milk. But by this point I'm so touched out that I can't bare her being on me which I feel so horrid saying. Plus she still wakes just as often.

I can't cope this way for much longer. I teach and I'm barely functioning in work. My relationship is suffering massively - my DH is amazing, so loving and does his fair share but I just am so exhausted that there's no intimacy, hardly any spare time for just us in the evenings and I'm so touched out I don't want to cuddle. I dread the night times, I leave work anxious for the night ahead which is so upsetting. Our house is turned upside down as we're both so burnt out and sleep deprived that it feels impossible to keep on top of it all.

I'm convinced there's something more going on with her, it just doesn't seem to be getting any better. I have no patience left, I want to scream along with her I'm so frustrated and upset. I feel such intense feelings of rage when it's bad - I would never do anything to act on those feelings but they're frightening nonetheless.

In the day my DD is gorgeous - a happy, smiling little girl who brings us joy. But at night it's like a switch flicks and she becomes a demon!! I'm just at the end of my tether and if you've made it to the end of this post then thank you!! I could write more but I think I'll stop my ramblings here as I can hear my sleep monster stirring on the monitor...!! 😭

OP posts:
Beggingforsleep · 10/10/2022 23:01

Well I think you need to sleep train again. It can be really tough but it’s a matter of days and after you’re getting full nights of sleep you’ll be a much happier parent in the day and she’ll be a happier baby.

We sleep trained my DD at 8/9 months but my DS later as he was still in our room till 15 months. For our DD we paid for a sleep consultant and got a plan from her. We needed it spoon fed and we needed decision making taking away from us. We never left her to cry it out on her own. We stayed in the room with her and soothed her as best we could but she stayed in her cot. She was very cross about it but after three days she was sleeping through and she still loves me so I think we’re ok!

Honestly, you’re no good broken. Time to take a deep breath and to take control of the situation.

Pantheon · 11/10/2022 10:14

How does she get to sleep at night? Can she settle herself on her own after a story or bath etc? That would be the first thing I would work on personally if she is not able to do that. I would also cut out any milk in the night. Get dh to offer water or cuddles. I know she is not taking much milk but she is still used to it. It sounds like she is very overtired so potentially move bedtime earlier for a little while. I would give painkillers if you suspect teething. And GP if you feel it could be something else going on. Hang in there. Sleep deprivation is awful. X

somethingdifferent1 · 16/04/2023 07:19

Op, if you're still about, do you have any update? You have described my situation at 12 months to a T... the relentless disturbances due to wind, the hysterics if attempting to soothe other than the boob, the triggering feeling with the screaming. Hoping you found some resolution.

ExhaustedBeyondBelief22 · 16/04/2023 18:45

@somethingdifferent1 hello! I'm so sorry to hear you're experiencing similar, it is so difficult and I still remember it well. Honestly, our now 21 month olds sleep can still be hit and miss. We mostly have two wake ups a night, but occasionally we will have a nightmare night where it's constant waking. These are a lot rarer though and it is easier to settle her without boob/bouncing. I think it doesn't help that she's caught every bug under the sun since starting nursery!! We've also recently started the milk ladder and her tummy has been suffering at night as a result so think we'll be pausing on that again. Does your little one have any allergies?

It's so so tough, I don't have much in the way of words of wisdom but it does get better! Sending solidarity! Xx

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