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Sleep

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Original poster

Help! Baby wakes up every 20 mins

30 replies

exaustedsadmum · 09/10/2022 23:16

Help please, I cannot go on like this. Baby is 11 weeks old and for the last 3 nights, has been waking up every 20 mins no matter what I do. He is exhausted and so am I and DH.

He doesn't seem to be sick (no apparent symptoms), doesn't appear to be hot or cold. He's fed and nappy is clean. But every 20 mins he starts stirring and, if we don't pick him up within seconds, crying. He will settle on my/DH's chest eventually but we can't go on like this anymore after having to hold him in turns for 2 nights (and days). We're both exhausted and it doesn't feel safe holding the baby all night when we're this tired. We don't have any friends/family nearby who could help. Tomorrow DH will leave for work at 6am (so needs to get some sleep tonight after having had only 3h last night) and I don't know how I will get through the night and day.

The baby normally sleeps in a next2me. I tried putting him onto my bed but it makes no difference. Tried rocking his next2me. Tried putting him in a sleepyhead pod. Less/more clothing. Arms in and arms out of the sleeping bag. Nothing makes a difference.

What else can we try to get the baby to sleep? At this point I would be over the moon if he slept even an hour at a time. He used to sleep 4-6h stretches until 3 days ago. I'm literally at a breaking point.

OP posts:

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RoseValleyRambles · 09/10/2022 23:20

Aargh. This sounds awful. Safe cosleeping may be your best bet and others can probably advise better on that. The only thing not on your list is a pacifier - will he take one? Sometimes it helps them self soothe...

MayBaby22 · 09/10/2022 23:56

I would get him checked at the doctors. If he slept decent stretches before it makes me think these something is going on to cause this? I thought I just had a very needy, high maintenance baby and it turned out she had reflux and CMPA. Sorry you’re having such a tough time. I’ve been there and it’s horrendous. Let us know how things are going.

Original poster

exaustedsadmum · 10/10/2022 00:14

@RoseValleyRambles he doesn't take a dummy, we've tried different brands and he just spits them out. Co-sleeping makes no difference unless he's actually on me - and I don't think it's safe to sleep while holding him? I don't think I could relax and get decent rest like that anyway.

@MayBaby22 he does have reflux and is on medication for it. No CMPA though. He doesn't seem to be in pain, he goes back to sleep quickly when I pick him up, but I just can't hold him all night for the 3rd night in a row.. So far he's woken up, and I resettled him, 4 times since 9pm.

OP posts:

barneymcgroo · 10/10/2022 01:52

If you are bf (?) do look up how to safely co sleep, and how to feed lying down.

Original poster

exaustedsadmum · 10/10/2022 02:32

@barneymcgroo I am bf, but as I put in the op and one of the replies above, he won't co-sleep either unless I'm actually holding him. Which I can't do all night and anyway, as I understand safe co-sleeping is having baby sleeping next to you, not on you. From what I've read, sleeping with baby on me/in my arms is not safe but whenever I put him down, even if it is on my bed right next to me, he wakes up within 20-30 mins and cries wanting to be picked up again.

OP posts:

lannistunut · 10/10/2022 02:37

With a bf baby I would offer to feed every time he wakes, it may just be a growth spurt. Keep an eye on him for a medical problem of course but feeding demands can fluctuate wildly.

Original poster

exaustedsadmum · 10/10/2022 02:38

I understand all the talks about the 4th trimester, baby wanting to be close to me etc, how it's all natural etc. But I am literally at a breaking point, I had very little sleep in the last 3 days and I physically can't function like this. It makes me hate being a parent and I hate myself for that. I know it's not the baby's fault but I can't help it but resent the situation. I know all these feelings will go away once I had some decent sleep, but at the moment I just deeply hate all of it.

OP posts:

lannistunut · 10/10/2022 02:40

Yes, I remember the feeling. Tomorrow do nothing other than feed, stay in bed all day and sleep as much as you can. I promise it does pass but the exhaustion is intense.

Original poster

exaustedsadmum · 10/10/2022 02:41

@lannistunut thank you, I do offer a feed him every time he wakes up but most of the time he will suck for a min or two and fall asleep. He does take a good feed every now and then but still wakes up after the same interval unless I'm holding him.

OP posts:

Original poster

exaustedsadmum · 10/10/2022 02:42

@lannistunut but that's the thing, how can I sleep when he doesn't sleep unless I'm holding him? I can sit in bed all day long but if I can't put him down, I can't sleep..

OP posts:

Original poster

exaustedsadmum · 10/10/2022 02:43

@lannistunut he never naps anywhere other than on me btw, which I have come to terms with but he used to sleep ok at nights until 3 days ago.

OP posts:

barneymcgroo · 10/10/2022 02:47

Swaddling?

Re cosleeping - reason I mentioned feeding lying down is that I could feed mine like that. They'd fall asleep on the breast, I'd sleep during the feed too.

So sorry op, it totally sucks. Lack of sleep makes you feel like death. Cosleeping with ds1 saved my sanity.

ReeseWitherfork · 10/10/2022 02:47

Might be the stark of the cold bed, try a hot water bottle in his place when he’s not in it?

Only time my kids have done this is when they’ve got wind in there that I’ve not managed to get out but it sounds like you’re on top of this.

Also, 11 weeks is about the age they stop falling asleep at the drop of a hat…. Overtired babies struggle to stay asleep… do you think hes getting enough sleep overall?

Check out Lyndsey Hookaway on IG. On my next night feed I’ll have a trawl through for you to see if she suggests anything.

I let DT sleep on me a little in the beginning. I propped myself and my arms up with pillows. It’s not particularly safe, I’m not advocating it really. Trouble is, a mother that sleep deprived isn’t safe either.

lannistunut · 10/10/2022 02:49

exaustedsadmum · 10/10/2022 02:43

@lannistunut he never naps anywhere other than on me btw, which I have come to terms with but he used to sleep ok at nights until 3 days ago.

I understand why you're panicking that he'll never sleep but I promise it will pass. If he feeds every time it may be that he is trying to get your supply to increase.

Does he have a pram, will he sleep in that if you take him for a big walk? Then come home, leave him in the pram and you go on the sofa?

clementine89 · 10/10/2022 02:52

This sounds so tough, sending you hugs OP! How are his naps during the day? I found with both mine the better and longer they napped in the day the more consistent their sleep was at night? Maybe try and go out for a couple of long walks in the sling tomorrow?

Also I know it's not an immediate solution but maybe make a plan when your husband is next at home for him to take the baby for a few hours so you can rest. I found the prospect of at least a little sleep in the future was better than nothing at all.

Both my babies were unable to sleep lying down when they were tiny and it is bloody exhausting. As others have said it will pass! Sending you strength and solidarity in the mean time.

lannistunut · 10/10/2022 02:54

There is always the dreaded ear infection (could be worth getting the GP to check?) or the reflux could have changed, or the temperature change/draught, or as mentioned by PP the cold of the mattress... I do clearly remember feeling I was going to lose my mind.

CP7766 · 10/10/2022 03:29

Yep mine didn’t sleep unless on me. I hated people suggesting Co-sleeping because that wasn’t enough for her… she needed to be on me. Next to me in bed was no good.
Day time wise I used a sling. When partner finished work at 5pm he used the sling and I went to bed. Overnight I mainly stayed up but definitely dozed with her on my chest sometimes propped up by pillows (not saying this is safe, but I literally had to) then 5am partner got up and let her sleep on his chest so I had a few hours. Awful time but it passed!

MDevane86 · 10/10/2022 03:40

How long are you having your baby on you to settle before putting them down again? My don't was like this, the only way to get any sleep was to do the night feed, cuddle for 45mins then put them down for a 1hr sleep before the whole repeated itself. I found my son had to have a really long cuddle before being put down.

Also, when I was at my tiredest, I would have a coffee in the middle of the night if I felt I couldn't stay awake during the feed/cuddle.

It is pretty shit and I'm sorry you're are breaking point. Please try to catnap where you can and lower standards everywhere. So don't bother cleaning or tidying unless really needed, eat ready meals and beans on toast etc

Original poster

exaustedsadmum · 10/10/2022 07:53

Thank you for your support everyone, somehow knowing that's my baby is not the only one like this helps me cope with all this. Everyone I know irl, including parents etc, think my baby is broken or spoilt as theirs never did this.

I ended up waking DH up and he took the baby for a couple of hours but had to then go to work. So I got little bit of rest.

In terms of naps, he normally has a 3h nap in the morning until lunchtime, a 1-2h nap mid-afternoon and a 30min-1h in the early evening. I struggle getting him to nap any more, he doesn't really go to sleep until he's been awake for at least 1.5-2hrs. Bedtime is at around 8pm and he used to do a 4-6h stretch and then 2h stretches until 7-8am.

In the last few days naps definitely got more difficult, he's clearly tired but fights them and wakes up earlier, eg 3h morning nap was a 2h yesterday and mid-afternoon one was only 3min. I couldn't get him back to sleep once he woke up.

As I put above, he only sleeps on my chest in the daytime. I usually need to walk around to get him to sleep so I put him in a sling and go for long walks. I wish he slept in the pushchair or in the car but he doesn't, he just screams his lungs out until I pick him up. It's absolutely ridiculous but I've come to terms with having him attached to me in the sling in the daytime. But obviously I can't do this round the clock.

He also hates being with anyone other than me. He doesn't settle with my DH or MIL (who lives over 2hs away but comes once a week to help) and screams within minutes of being left with anyone other than me. So I have to settle him and pass over gently, then he might stay asleep if we're lucky. Sometimes we have to do this 2, 3, 4 times before it's successful. Sometimes it doesn't work at all and he wakes up, sees that I'm not there and screams. Then calms down instantly when I take him. HV just said that I have a clingy baby.

So all of his sleep got worse recently. Perhaps there is something medical going on, I will check his temperature. He doesn't seem to be in pain though, he doesn't cry more than usual. Just whines asking to be picked up and is happy when I do. He did cry more yesterday early evening but I think it was from being overtired. I really doubt that he's getting enough sleep at the moment. It feels a bit silly calling GP and asking for an appointment for a baby with no symptoms other than being extra clingy..

I usually wait 20 mins before putting him down, but tried longer (up to 1.5h) in the last few days with no change. Perfectly still when first put down but wake up 20-30 mins later.

OP posts:

barneymcgroo · 10/10/2022 07:56

Oh op, it sounds horrendous. Definitely worth trying gp.

My first baby wouldn't sleep in the pram either - would actively wake up, even if already asleep when I put him in. I then tried him with the pram, rather than the carry cot bit, and he was out like a light - maybe one day? 🤞

BuffaloCauliflower · 10/10/2022 07:59

It sounds like you might be in the 4 month regression a bit early, lots of development leaps around now, including developing the hormones that let them detect night from day. Being clingy is the biological norm for human babies. You’re not doing anything wrong, and in the absence of any other issues is doesn’t sound like anything is wrong with baby, they’re just growing fast.

Your best bet to enlist any help you can (to hold baby or do other things in the house) and prioritise your own rest. Try and get baby as much daylight as you can. Wear a sling in the day so you don’t have to hold. It won’t be like this forever. Sleep in the first year changes all the time as they’re changing so quickly. I’d have a look at the Possums Approach which might help your mindset.

CP7766 · 10/10/2022 08:29

Mine also only slept in the sling. Every single nap from around 3 weeks to approx 2/3 months was in the sling. I had to be moving too… couldn’t sit down. Then she accepted her bouncer chair. Then her pram! Life changing. She’s now 5 months and just beginning to accept the car. I didn’t do anything as such, just kept trying. It’s nothing you are doing… some are just limpits! Hilariously after getting frustrated at it at the one, I now miss it 🙈

MayBaby22 · 13/10/2022 23:51

@exaustedsadmum - I’ve been thinking of you. Hope you’re ok? Have things got any better?

Original poster

exaustedsadmum · 13/10/2022 23:59

@MayBaby22 hi! We're a bit better but not massively. In the last few days, he did a 2-3h stretch at the start of the night but after that was waking up every 30 mins to an hour. I was able to settle him without picking him up most of the time, apart from when he was hungry, but it still required being awake what feels like gazillion times per night. DH has been WFH too so would then take the baby from around 5-6am so I could get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. So yes, things are slightly better but miles off from where they used to be. I feel like he slept better as a newborn!

OP posts:

MayBaby22 · 14/10/2022 13:13

@exaustedsadmum Sorry things still aren’t great. Do you mind me asking what medication baby is on for the reflux?

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