Baby only sleeps on me

[eatsleepeatrepeat]

Hi so as the title says our DS2 (4 weeks old) and as of the last 3/4 days he will only sleep either on me or DH. I've tried putting him down in his Moses basket awake, asleep, drowsy, etc but each time he wakes up either instantly or within a few minutes. I'm following wake windows but this will go on for HOURS so the poor baby is eventually exhausted and falling asleep during a breastfeed.

What on earth can I do to help him sleep in Moses basket during the day? He is fine at night in the Next To Me but that's in the bedroom next door and I don't really want him sleeping in there alone just yet.

For further context, the Moses basket is in the living room with me & DC1 (20 months), there is always background noise and this never bothered the baby until the last few days. He will also refuse when DC1 is out/asleep and the house is totally quiet.

Any help appreciated, I'm tearing my hair out & can't even find time to eat at the minute.

*refuse to sleep

Tbh my lo didn't sleep during day unless held, until I sleep trained at 6 months. Tbh she didn't sleep at night either but was better then day.

You could try some white or pink noise in moses basket in day to help. Perhaps try a worn by you clothing in moses basket and remove before putting down. I wish I just enjoyed sitting and watching netflix contact napping.

I’m lazy realistic and have just accepted that daytime naps are while held, in a sling or in the pram. I am concerned DS doesn’t nap enough but he also fights and fights being put down.

There's no magic wand and at 4 weeks old this is entirely within the normal range of experiences. You may just have a non-sleeping baby. Ours eventually discovered how to get to sleep properly at about 14 months old but until then we just had very, very little sleep. Even night times weren't much better for us. We could only get a nap started with a walk in the pram, but the baby would wake up as soon as the pram stopped moving, so no rest for us. There are gadgets now that will simulate the jiggling of a moving pram which didn't exist back then.

You haven't mentioned swaddling, which does help some babies but there's lots of different options to try for ways of swaddling and different babies will like different ways, so try a few different ways.

Your baby doesn't yet know that the horrible feeling making him grumpy is "tired", doesn't know that sleep will make it better, wouldn't know how to get to sleep even if he did, and doesn't really have much of a clear understanding about the difference between being asleep and being awake anyway. These are all cognitive leaps that are future developments, and in the meantime the sleep that happens is somewhat random rather than deliberate. You will survive, but living through this period is why everyone's parents are pretty much bonkers. You lose your marbles through the torture of sleep deprivation and other similar challenges, and it changes you.

Hi @eatsleepeatrepeat I don’t think all the replies here have been very reassuring!

It’s entirely normal your 4 week old wants to sleep on you - for 9 months he’s only slept IN you; you’re home, comfort, safety, warmth.

I used to try and put my baby down in the Moses near me and get some naps on the sofa - sometimes this worked, sometimes she woke up.

You will have to embrace this (very short) period. Get your partner or visitors to bring you cups of coffee and tea, have copious amounts of snacks next to you and pick up a mindless book or watch some TV. I promise you, THIS TOO SHALL PASS! You will genuinely miss the days when you could stare at the TV for hours on end.

I just accepted how my baby wanted to sleep. I didn’t think about wake windows until maybe 3+ months - your baby is sleeping like 18-20 hours of the day at the minute, there are no windows for him! The only windows you need to think about are windows of opportunity for you to shower and eat, when your partner can hold him. Try putting him on the changing mat while you eat dinner - or if not, DH can feed you your dinner while you hold baby, that’s what we did a lot of (mmm, romantic!).

If you want hope at the end of the tunnel, we took our baby camping at 13 weeks and I couldn’t hold her for every nap, impossible - so we just put her in the pram for every nap and she got used to it. She now takes 90% of daytime naps in the pram. You don’t mention if your baby sleeps in the pram but most babies do, or will - so start going for walks during the day when you know he’ll be sleepy.

If you don’t use a dummy, this could be the tool that helps him drift off in a new space, so consider using one.

So I’ve been there - but I can tell you that from 13 weeks and onwards, my baby has now successfully fallen asleep:

• in the pram
• in the car
• on her changing mat (!)
• in her cot
• in her bouncer

It will all come in time - right now he just needs to be close to you and that’s completely developmentally normal and safe. You will get time to yourself again! You will be able to shower, eat, brush your hair, etc etc. My baby is only 5 months old but we’ve come leaps and bounds since the ‘only falling asleep on me’ days.

I now sometimes have her fall asleep on me feeding when I know she’s due for a nap because I miss it so much and I want to watch TV - how’s that for a turnaround!

Hopefully this post gives you some hope. It’s very very likely that you don’t need to wait until 6 months to sleep train, you don’t need to sleep train at all, this won’t last forever and it doesn’t sound like you have a non-sleeping baby at all. Enjoy the cuddles while they last - you’ll find that sentence annoying right now but in a few weeks you’ll see what I mean! 😁🤞💐

My first son had all his naps on me or my husband until he was two. I appreciate some people wouldn't be up for this but it worked for us. It was a nice quiet time for cuddles and we might catch up on farm admin, emails etc on a phone or just take the time to relax. Son no 2 is five days old but also currently asleep on my chest! If you don't want your son taking contact naps then that's totally up to you but do bear in mind that there's nothing actually wrong with your baby sleeping on you if it works for you. It is developmentally normal and a lot of babies across the world do all their napping in slings.

How does the sleeping on mum work if you have other DC to look after?

Yes this is my main problem that I think is being overlooked! DC1 is getting pretty fed up the last few days!

@moonseas thanks for your reply, will try to enjoy it a bit more

@moonseas my DD use to randomly fall asleep on her changing mat. I use to change her on a mat on the floor so didn't have to worry about her waking and rolling.

Have you tried putting your baby in the Moses basket a couple of hours (or less) after they last slept and playing some music near it or singing and very gently rocking it?

Baby wear or hold. Babies need to be held and some need it more than others. It's hard but let the washing pile up and snuggle.

It wasn't overlooked having another dc. other parents wear baby in sling so you can carry about your day. Maybe that could help along with other suggestions

Can you wear them in a sling or carrier? It's tough but it won't be forever - they want the reassurance of you being there. Maybe try for pram naps if you want to take your other child to the park etc?

Fourth trimester is real, it is hard and relentless but it's also totally natural - your baby just wants to be near you. Pop them in a sling, spend some lazy time with your older kids so they don't feel left out, explain that it won't be for long. It won't last forever.

Sorry I shouldI have said I have a sling but I'm recovering from a C-section at the moment that has gotten infected - so on penicillin & been advised not to use it! Honestly feels like everything is sore hard at the moment!

My parents have also went on holiday so any extra help I would've had during the day is gone.

You need to rest then. Take that contact nap for a week while you heal up from the infection. As pushing buggy or pram probably wont help. Have lazy days with your other lo. Yes maybe too much tv. But needs must to survive and when ur partner gets home spend some time woth your older one, whatever that may be.

Another one, is your other dc in nursery? Could you pop lo in nursery so you know there really stimulated, help with it all?

Friends?? Could they come have a tea morning. No point going out when you have an infection, it will take longer to heal.

You use a sling!