Sleep train 18 month old twins

[Twinsmamma]

I’m looking for some help with my twins sleep, before I pay for ANOTHER sleep consultant I’m reaching out to this community first. My twins are 18 months old and sleep through the night and have done since they were 10 months old so that aspect is absolutely fine, it’s getting them to sleep that is becoming unmanageable and im getting extremely stressed not knowing what to do. I fed and rocked them to sleep until they were 1 which is obviously a 2 person job so bedtime alone was and is an impossible task. A few months ago they no longer wanted to be Be rocked (amazing) but now we rub their backs to sleep, again impossible alone with 2 in separate rooms. I’m starting to regret not pushing on with sleep training in the earlier months but at the time the crying was very upsetting for me and I didn’t continue. Now when I leave the room with them drowsy they naturally stand in their cots and cry. I have tried going in to reassure and leave the room but they get so worked up my little boy even started repeatedly banging his head against the side of his cot hurting himself quite badly. Has anyone sleep trained children at this age? And more importantly TWINS? It’s so challenging with 2 as the crying and commotion is so loud and will keep each other awake. I’d Prefer a no cry approach if this exists?? Nap times are becoming so hard, i feel like I’m misreading tired cues, trying to put them down too early / too late and nothing is working. I broke down In tears yesterday as their nap was a total fail and they whinged the entire day as they are tired but just wouldn’t sleep without me rubbing their Back but as I was home alone this was impossible. The sound of them screaming in their room while I’m with the other In another room is too loud for them to fall asleep to. I’m so lost! Can you sleep train a toddler and how do up manage them standing in their cot? Thank you! Xx

Oh that sounds really tough 😔 is your partner not around for bedtime? Could you move them into one room instead of separate room, would that help at all, if you could be in the middle and rubbing their backs on either side?

Sorry I don’t have any advice on the sleep training side, but know that this is normal. It’s not necessarily developmentally appropriate to fall asleep without support until around 3yo, and some children need help until they’re in school. I know that doesn’t help you right now but please know your twins are just behaving like normal kids, they’re not being difficult or needy, just toddlers.

Are they both in separate rooms? Maybe putting them in together will reassure them and they'll not feel so worked up knowing they have each other? I know two people with young twins and one has always had both of them sleep in the same bed (two cots pushed together with the bars out on one side) and the other has them in separate cots but same room. Possibly worth a try if you are at the end of your tether, at least then you can rub both backs at same time!x

I would consider putting them in together, as twins they may be lonely on their own?

Thank you for your reply and making me feel less like I’m doing something wrong :( So many of my mum friends are able to just put their child in their cot and they go to sleep so it’s so hard to not (guiltily) feel frustrated when bedtime can take over an hour some nights, my evening is completely gone by that point and I just go to bed myself once they are finally asleep. Yes my partner helps every evening so we are OK most nights, it’s the nights one of us isn’t here for whatever reason and it’s a complete nightmare. It’s just impossible alone and we are just feeling a bit like should bedtime really be THIS difficult? We have tried to have them in the same room but they wake each other up so much so it’s just easier in 2 rooms x

Thank you!! They did share a room for a while but they wake each other up a lot, and selfishly I used to think I’d prefer just 1 awake baby at 3am than 2! My little boy some nights around 4am will cry and I’ll get him into bed with me till the morning so again this would also wake up my little girl so I’m stuck between a pillar and a post! X

What times do they nap in the day and his long for etc? That's likely affecting the bedtime

Hi there fellow twin mum - mine are also 18 months old and I'm recently a single parent after STBEXH walked out as couldn't cope!

Anyway - I had to sleep train to a certain extent as now one pair of hands and also an older child who I feel awful about leaving on her own whilst I settle the twins

My boy twin i did have to do a form of the vanishing chair method - letting them or one do cry It out is impossible with twins. But he now gets given a toy car or something which he will quite happily lie and play with in his cot until he goes to sleep

Their naps have been all over the place since they went to 1 nap, when they are in nursery they nap at 1pm for 1.5 hours but at home they are yawning and rubbing their eyes at 10am so I’m trying to push them later but That seems to end in disaster! If I try and put them to bed at 10am some days they go to sleep some days they start getting over excited and then I think oh they aren’t tired then, I’m in such a mess with it! I get so angry with myself as I blame myself for it being so all over the place but it seems no matter what I try, nothing works!
hello twin mummy!!! I’m so sorry to hear your partner left, it’s SO hard with twins, it pushes you and your relationship passed boundaries you can cope with. How did you navigate the chair method with your other twin? Did you do this with them both in the room? My twins distract each other a lot and will be chatting and laughing so i worry they’ll get over excited and will defeat the end goal 😵‍💫

Do you also have to rub their backs for nap time?

Mine are in montissori childcare during the day which is very much nap when you want on the floor but I prefer them to only have a nap in the morning otherwise bedtimes are Hideous

At home I put them to nap in their side by side pushchair often in front of the tv (judge away! 😂) so they have learnt to nap without rocking/rubbing at least

Was there a reason you separated them into separate rooms? Mine are boy and girl and still share and will for the foreseeable future

If they go to sleep at 10am and then you have for example a gap from 12pm till 7pm before bed then that's too long and will be affecting bedtime. Promise you it will impact... been there... though not with twins (you're a hero). Can you push the nap out towards lunchtime and give them then a 5 hour window after nap time till bedtime? Don't be afraid to put them to bed at 6pm if you have to. Try to keep the wake window around 5 hours I reckon...

Yes I try and push it to later, Ideally it would be 12 but they are besides themselves by this point. IF they nap at 10 I’d wake them up after an hour and let them have a short nap in the afternoon and a later bedtime. They definitely go to bed better when overtired. I do follow wake windows before bedtime so they go to bed depending on when they nap, it’s just getting them to nap which I can’t seem to get right :(
I’d love them to still be sharing, it’s purely how much they’ve disturbed each other, every time I put them back together we can get wake ups etc as they do cry out in the night sometimes, I don’t always go in when they cry but if they are sharing i feel like I have to rush in if I hear one of time crying x
yes lots of back rubbing and a bottle (don’t judge 🫢) at nap times x