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10mo has barely slept for 2 months - what would you do? (NOT cc)

23 replies

soppy · 29/11/2004 12:52

At the end of my tether. 6 weeks of it was teething, then a cold - now he has neither and it's a different kind of unsettled-ness altogether. Generally it all starts less than an hour after he's put down, and goes on all night. I'm at breaking point. Am seeing GP this afternoon - the last time DS had sleep problems she recommended seeing a child psychiatrist, which I may opt for this time once he's had a physical checkup. But is there something I should try, other than cc (which I don't want to do and would not be capable of seeing through anyway)? At the moment we kind of do pick-up-put-down.

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clairabelle · 29/11/2004 12:55

We've been having the same sort of problems,have found cranio oesteopathy has worked to some extent.

soppy · 29/11/2004 12:57

Tell me more, clairabelle!!!! What's the theory? How old is your little one?

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soppy · 29/11/2004 14:17

Anyone else??

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aloha · 29/11/2004 14:24

So what happens when he wakes? Does he cry or call out? What do you do? Go straight in or wait a bit? What do you do when you go to him? How does he react?

clairabelle · 29/11/2004 14:37

Soppy how does your Gp expect a psych to help a 10m old. I am intrigued.

zebra · 29/11/2004 14:38

In theory I guess carnio osteo might relieve pressures on the skull that might underly the problem, esp. if sinues are involved.
Do you give him Calpol? That or any teething remedy would be my first port of call.

soppy · 29/11/2004 17:50

He cries. I wait a while. It never dies down, just gets more and more hysterical. I go in and pick him up. Nothing else works. Painkillers dont help.

Just saw gp - a different one this time - she recommended cc. Didn't know about the psych but said she'd talk to the other gp about it and get back to me.

Feeling a bit stuck, and a bit of a failure because I've probably caused it by being too soft. But I know I couldnt see cc through, so there's no point in embarking on it.

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hercules · 29/11/2004 18:10

What about cosleeping?

tamum · 29/11/2004 18:13

Snap hercules (only I posted on the other thread)

jampot · 29/11/2004 18:16

I will probably get shot for this but I would bring him into my bed so you both get a good nights sleep

hercules · 29/11/2004 18:17

I must admit to feeling particularly brave when I suggested cosleeping.

soppy · 29/11/2004 18:23

We do a bit of co-sleeping now and then but don't want to get into it long-term - nothing against it, just personal choice - also we're TTC #2!

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honeybunny · 29/11/2004 18:47

Soppy, are you on your own? If dh/dp is on the scene does ds react in the same way with both of you? ds1 had big probs settling at around this time, although the catalyst for this was moving house. If I went into his room, I'd be stuck there for hours, crying the moment I left. On the other hand if dh went in and I stayed completely out of it, he would settle down after about 30mins with pats and sshhhs. We did go the cc route as far as not picking him up, no speaking etc, but couldnt leave him to cry it out as he'd be sick (fingers down throat, deliberate stuff! yes really!). Think you'd be making a rod for your own back for the future if you went down the co-sleeping route, imo.
I think I introduced a night light at this point too, incase the dark was a big problem (we moved from SE15, lots of streetlights to deepest darkest countryside, no outside lighting at all). Only a plug in one so not v bright, about the same as a monitor light. This did seem to help. Good luck.

Amanda3266 · 29/11/2004 18:48

Hi
What's your health visitor like? If he/she is supportive it might be worth trying her/him.
I couldn't really do controlled crying either (and I'm a HV so how's that for not practicing what I preach!) - found I just felt really wicked which made me feel guilty and tearful. My son did this too after alot of teething and colds (at about the same age as your ds). I ended up cuddling him to sleep every night and then he would wake twice after that through the night. In the end - mainly because I was desperate for sleep I'd bring him in with us. I worked out that as he wasn't going to sleep on his own he couldn't put himself back to sleep when he awoke. I found the practice (rather than the idea) of controlled crying really hard.
In the end I had to compromise and sit in the room (without interacting with ds) and just lie him down every 5 mins and say "time to sleep". If he got too fretful then I would lift and cuddle and try again. It took about a month of this but it worked and we haven't had any problems since (he'll be 2 next month)
Did your son sleep well prior to all the upheaval of teething and colds etc - if he did it could judt be that he's got into a new and less desirable pattern as a result of all the disturbed nights.
I'm not surprised you don't feel like trying controlled crying as you're probably so sleep deprived yourself that an already emotionally difficult tactic like this may end up in making you feel worse.
I can recommend a book called "The sleep book for tired parents". I got mine second hand from Amazon for less that £5 - it's quite good.

Other tips - restrict sleep after 3pm to no more than 20 mins.
Have a regular routine at bedtime - bath, cuddle, book, milk etc and then bed, so he can predict what's coming.
Once he's in bed, if you have to go to him then keep any interactions, noise and light to a minimum.

Hope that helps a little bit - I know I was at the end of my tether when my son was doing this.
Hope it all sorts out soon

Mandy

soppy · 29/11/2004 18:53

Thanks mandy & hb. Yes I'm afraid he is the same with dp. Will have a look at that book mandy. Tried to see HV today but no appointments for 2 weeks - that's how I ended up seeing GP

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Amanda3266 · 29/11/2004 19:17

Soppy, have you seen the thread "Times article on sleep". Worth a read - not very positive about controlled crying.

Mandy

morningpaper · 29/11/2004 19:47

Sometimes I think the problem is that we think that the sleep patterns you are describing aren't NORMAL - for some babies, this DOES seem to be normal.

My dd woke up every 90 minutes until she was 18 months old. I co-slept, breastfed through the night, just had to have her right next to me all the time for either of us to get any sleep. At 18 months she just started sleeping through. It seems like, for her, that was just the way she was, and she eventually grew out of it. I also tried to remember through the night that (a) there were millions of other women all over the world doing exactly the same thing as me and (b) she will be a 14 year-old who hates me in a flash, and I'd do anything to hear her cry out for me at night again.

Probably totally useless post, but that was how I coped.

soppy · 01/12/2004 12:51

Not useless at all mp, very human

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cardigan · 01/12/2004 13:09

Just read on another thread that you're stoping bf - does the prob match up with stopping to bf? Have you tried baby carrying - just carry ds everywhere with you & let him sleep in your arms or babysling.

soppy · 01/12/2004 13:16

Cardigan the sleep problem's been going on for 2 months, so not connected to the b/f thing, although I'm sure stopping doesn't help but we want to TTC #2 and if we wait for DS to start sleeping we may wait forever! Baby carrying at 10 months ..... not that strong I'm afraid. And need to get my life back, tbh.

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cardigan · 01/12/2004 13:17

Best wishes

soppy · 01/12/2004 13:17

Thanks cardigan

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lulupop · 01/12/2004 13:28

Sorry if this sounds a bit harsh, but you can't expect to break a habit like this in a 10-month old without some degree of crying. That doesn't mean you have to do CC, but if you don't want to co-sleep, and you don't want to be in and out of his room all night, then at some point you are going to have to leave him to cry.

We had terrible problems with DS sleeping, and after a spell of cold/cough/teething, which at this time of year all seem to run into each other, and during which I was always a bit "soft" on him at night, he'd be dreadful. Up every hour! I know what you mean about not being able to see CC through - you're probably so knackered that you can't even think about a night of crying - but you are going to have to think of a strategy that you feel you can stick to, pick a time to do it, and then be brave and do it!

I got DH to take a Fri and Mon off work recently so we could deal with DD's night time antics (7 months) without me feeling guilty at DH traipsing off to work knackered the next day. That really helped.

I recommend Richard Ferber's excellent book "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problem", which ofers a variety of potential solutions, which you can tailor to suit your needs and expectations.

I would also say, don't expect your baby to sleep 7pm-7am. Because all the books say this is "normal", and most of my friends' babies did this, I always thought that until DS did it too, I had failed somehow. He is 3 now and sleeps 8pm-6am at the very best. He'll often wake much earlier but now goes back to sleep on his own. When he was still a baby, the best we managed was when he was doing 7pm-midnight, when he'd wake and cry for hp to half an hour, and then go back to sleep till 5am. People used to ask me how I managed on so little sleep, but to me that was like a dream compared to what had gone before!

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