Panicking about how to deal with TWO

[ShoutyMcShout]

I'm currently 34 weeks pregnant with DC2. DD2 is nearly 2 and has always been a bit high needs- sleep training just isn't compatible with her nature and I didn't want to go down that route anyway. Fortunately she FINALLY started sleeping through a few months ago- we still have a wake-up here and there but generally she's now a reliable sleeper and napper.

Two issues:

1. Once she's asleep, she does decent stretches but it can take a while actually getting her to fall asleep. Up until a month or so ago, she needed to be rocked to sleep. As I got bigger, I started transitioning to putting her in her cot awake and then patting her to sleep. It works albeit takes slightly longer than just rocking her. Bedtimes are easier but it can take an age to get her down for a nap! Sometimes nearly an hour but she definitely needs the nap. I just don't know how I can spend this long once there's a newborn that will need constant attention!

1. Before people start jumping to slate DH- he's very hands on and used to do all bedtimes (amongst other parental duties) until DD1 suddenly started screaming blue murder for me for anything and everything - not sure if it's related to my pregnancy but she has become extremely clingy and separation anxiety is at an all time high. I'm planning to breastfeed new baby so DH handling DD1's bedtime is logical...but she just will not accept it. She will scream and scream- there's no off switch.

Has anyone been through similar? Does it just sort itself out? It's really stressing me out.

With all due respect you have to pick one. Your daughter isn’t always going to be able to have her every whim catered too especially with a younger sibling around. So you’d be better off getting her used to it being you or her dad that puts her to bed.

otherwise your baby will either have to take a bottle or have to scream and cry while you deal with your daughter…

I'm 38 weeks and have a three year old who has only recently started sleeping through. He will accept his dad putting him to bed but prefers me to do it and I don't really want to make him feel pushed out when the baby arrives. Our plan is that I will make sure I feed the baby before my son's bedtime and then my husband will look after the baby while I put my son to bed. I appreciate this is only possible if you are both at home at bedtime! We have also moved the old nursing chair back into my son's room so that if necessary I can sit next to his bed with the baby in my lap or in a sling and be able to look after them both at bedtime.

Oh this reminds me of when we went to 2! My main concern was bedtimes and sleep, our first was very needy at nighttime.

My advice to you is to get Dad to do child 1 bedtime every night without fail from now. Do not say it's because of baby, don't mention baby. Say the Dr said it's very important that you get sleep, so you're going to bed early or something. The idea is that when baby arrives and you're bfing all evening, child 1 doesn't feel like they're being rejected because of baby.

My husband had to do all nighttime needs for child 1 when our 2nd was born. He remembers this time as extremely tiring... but we got through it in the end.

If you start feeling guilty about not being involved in child 1 bedtime then just remind yourself how much attention they got as an infant, and the new baby deserves the same.

Good Luck!

Couple of points from my perspective.

1. I'd work on dropping the patting (and any other sleep props) so she can drop off without all that. I'd be doing that regardless tbh. You've already stopped rocking her so you can do it! Being able to pop her in tired but awake and she can get herself to sleep, will make everything so much more manageable. It needn't involve crying, you can do pick up put down or gradual retreat or whatever works for you.

1. My ds is 6 months and I've spent half an hour doing my dd (7)'s bedtime every evening since he was born - never have I had to leave him screaming and crying as someone else said. Either dh has him or occasionally he has joined us. I appreciate it's much harder with a 2yo but you'll still be able to spend time with her, just not hours with you doing all the work getting her to sleep. I'd say it's actually important that you do. But a manageable amount.