Why won’t my baby sleep? I’m starting to feel like I resent him

[Newbiemum76]

Hi, my baby is nearly 4 months old (I know he’s still very little!) but he just does not sleep at all unless he’s being held or he’s in bed between me and dad, I honestly don’t know what to do anymore.
I am so exhausted because I can’t sleep when I’m holding him or when he’s in bed with us, I’m so scared of rolling onto him. I just want to scream at him sometimes and cry all the time because he just will not sleep. Sometimes I regret having a baby in the first place because it’s so hard and I’m so fed up.
Any tips on how to get a better sleep or how to help him go to sleep are welcome!

Oh bless you. It's the pits.
I have 2 suggestions:

1. put the cot right up flush next to the bed with the side off so he can sleep next to you but in his own space with sides so you are less worried about rolling on him Abd 2) (gonna get crucified as this is deemed unsafe) consider putting him on his tummy. I had to do that with DD as she would only sleep for 20 minutes on her back and I figured my sleep deprivation at that point was more dangerous (I was falling asleep on the sofa with her and worried about car accidents). Had an angel care monitor and had her right next to me to try to make it as safe as possible - it was a game changer as she started sleeping for 3 hour stints Good luck x

Or do stints with either you or DH in bed with him anf the other one in a spare bed/on the sofa?

Check your thyroid levels. Postpartum thyroiditis is relatively common and worth asking for a blood test.

It made things unbearable when I had my first.

Otherwise, no tips but you will find your way. You're right in the worst of it now. Google 4 month regression.

It DOES get easier. Hang in there.

It's could be 4 month sleep regression. I feel your pain from 3.5 months till 6 months she woke every 1 hour to 2 hours every single night. Naps had to be contact naps. It only changed as we did sleep training at 6 months.

My best advice shifts. Your sleep 7pm till 1am then take over from partner.
Pink noise, dummy, swaddle if able. Full belly. Maybe incline side cot. Pop something in the cot make it smell off you, make it nice and warm (obviously remove when lo in there and not to hot) and as pp push it right to your bedside so you can literally lay next to.

Sorry it does get better and it is a phase. I felt same as you and that is why we sleep trained at 6 months.

If you need to just remember you can leave lo nice and safe and walk away if you need to ❤️

This might not be right for you but I would look up safe co sleeping (especially if you are breastfeeding). My 6mo will not sleep on her own and I can’t safely hold her all night. But I can sleep beside her in a clear bed space with a side sleeper attached to our bed for safety and that is what we do to maximise sleep for both of us.

Don't put your baby on her tummy to sleep.
Shifts with your partner is a good idea. If you have your mum locally could she take the baby for a morning or afternoon while you catch up on some sleep?

I expect that you've tried this already but if you haven't if he has started to drop off in your arms, when transferring him to his bed include a top that you've worn that smells like you/keep it near him so that smell wise it's like you are still there. Mine wouldn't settle anywhere other than a cuddle as a newborn and after a few nights I tried doing this and it worked for me. I had to keep going with it (& whisking a top out of the laundry basket before washing if I forgot) for about 2 weeks or so before he'd stay asleep without my top and I also use a sleeping bag rather than blanket with mine because he seemed to not notice being transferred to his cot so much - I suspect because the thickness of the sleeping bag meant that he couldn't feel the change in temperature from me to his bed as much. Otherwise as others have suggested if you have space next to your bed, try having cot flush with your bed. Hope things improve x

Have you tried a swaddle ?
Rock and walk with baby until they are asleep and then put down it cot. Sometimes a gentle hand resting on their chest or tapping can help settle. Also try white noise playing if you haven't already.

My biggest tip is that everything is completely temporary. Looking back, every phase is so short lived and you get through it. I know sleep deprivation feels horrendous and it's completely understandable how you are currently feeling. It really does get better

I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this - it it’s true torture. Mine didn’t sleep until he could roll - it was a game changer because he could roll onto his belly and that made him connect sleep cycles. But we originally had to show him that sleeping on his belly (once he could roll) was ok (literally just putting him into the crib on his belly and firmly patting his bottom). Try to ensure bub has plenty of time on the floor every day (no bouncers/rockers/walkers/chairs that restrict free movement) so they can get strong fast and learn to move their body themselves to get comfy. I think a lot of babies that wake are uncomfortable and get used to calling out for help instead of knowing they can move themselves.

Wow thank you for all the responses and support!
We've already tried lots of things mentioned, (we used to swaddle him and he slept better then but he’s starting to show signs of rolling over so we can no longer swaddle), I’ve tried putting clothes with my smell in the cot with him, white noise, etc

We can’t have the cot at the side of our bed, there’s just no room at all, our bed barely fits in our bedroom so the cot is at the bottom of our bed. It would be hard to take it in turns to sleep with my partners working pattern unfortunately. He’s formula fed so I always try and make sure he’s had a good feed before putting him down, he does seem to sleep better on his side but I always watch him when he’s on his side as I’m worried he’ll roll onto his front and not be able to roll back.

I suspect it probably is the 4 month sleep regression but he’s never been a good sleeper since he was born so maybe we’re just unlucky in that department!

@Vintagecreamandcottagepie I think I will ask about the thyroid thing! I just feel so drained of energy all the time so maybe there’s something more too it.

Thank you again everyone 🥰

You might not be ready but have you tried baby in their own room? It might be tough but maybe two weeks with a set routine, bath, sleep bag, bottle & bed and they take to it? I was similar so fed up and it worked for us. Best of luck x

Sorry if you’ve answered this but have you tried a dummy?

This phase will pass - sleep deprivation is literally a form of torture so be very very kind to yourself!

And I second what a PP said, in learning lots about safe cosleeping. Done correctly it can keep you sane. Good luck!

Hi OP. Sorry no advice from me. Just replying to you as I am in the same situation. DS is 4 months old (19 weeks) and his sleep has got worse since be was 10 weeks old. Tried everything and nothing seems to work. I don't like co sleeping as I can't sleep and everytime I move I wake him up. I know it's just a phase - but I am currently hating that saying 😂. Just want some bloody sleep 😴.

A few drops of lavender oil in a bowl of steaming water in the room at bedtime might help. It'll help you relax as well. Camomile oil is said to help as well but I haven't tried that.