8 week old only contact naps

[ocelotka123]

Hi, I'm looking for some help and advice as I'm at my wits end with tiredness and snot being able to do much during the day, having a baby in me all the time. My LO is now 8 weeks old. He slept beautifully in his Moses basket and crib for the first few weeks of life, however it's been going downhill since then. He has reflux so we've been told by the HV to keep him upright for a bit after feeds to prevent vomiting - I suspect that this is what caused our current issues. Baby won't nap anywhere other than while being held in an upright position. I can't put him down, no matter how long I wait - he will be wide awake and crying within 5 mins of being put down. How do I get him to go down for naps?!

At night, he normally sleeps fine in his bedside crib for a few hours at a time, waking up for feeds. But as soon as it hits 6am, he wants to be held again - even if I just finished a feed and put him back down at 5.30am. He will go back to sleep instantly when picked up and will sleep until hungry, usually an hour or two, depending on what time the last night feed was. BUT, sometimes he won't sleep in his crib overnight either, waking up within 5-10 mins of being put down, stirring and crying, until I pick him up. He will then go back to sleep in seconds on my chest. Obviously i can't sleep when he's on me, thankfully this doesn't happen very often (although he was doing it in the last 3 nights - I think must be due to him being unwell after his first jabs). We tried Co-sleeping but that doesn't work either, he still wakes up.

So really, what can I do to make him sleep in his Moses basket, cot or anywhere else really other than on me? It's been 3 days now that I had to hold him for all his naps and night time sleep, I'm absolutely exhausted. Before someone suggests taking shifts with partner, well the baby will stay asleep with my hubs as for an hour at most, but usually less than that, before waking up and screaming.. but as soon as I take him, he's quite and asleep again. Help please, I can't go on like this! 😭

Walk with the baby upright on your chest for 6 minutes and no less and no more than 8 minutes

place baby down in crib bottom first

Get a sling and let your tiny baby be on you as much as they need. It won’t last forever. Once you’re used to the sling, you’ll hardly notice having the baby there.

You’re all your baby has ever known. Of course they want to be close to you. They’re biologically wired to need to be close to their primary caregiver.

My DS was the same but from about 3 months I started being able to put him down in his crib for naps during the day. I started with the first nap of the day and when he did that on his own for a few days I tried the next one and so on. He still needs to fall asleep in my arms first but then I transfer him after a few minutes… next step is falling asleep in his crib on his own!
So hopefully it’s an age thing for your LO and he will start to be able to nap on his own soon.

Use a soft cloth sling, you'll be able to do all sorts with him on you, at least sit down.

@ivykaty44 he doesn't wake up when I transfer him to the crib - stays completely still etc. but will start stirring within 5-10 mins and will wake up then. Also, if I only hold him for 6 mins after feeds, he will be vomiting when I put him down (reflux) and wake up too!

@Derbee @Dogtooth do have a sling and he naps in it during the day (including right now!). I could live with that if he slept well at night - but obviously i can't have him in the sling at night and then can't nap myself in the day if I'm holding him! So I get very little sleep. Last night it was maybe 3 hours, broken up, and only because I dosed off a few times while holding him in bed and my husband took him for an hour at night and another hour in the morning (baby screamed pretty much throughout so couldn't really do any longer). He hates his pushchair too and will wake up in it and start crying, just like he does in the crib - even with constant movement.

@Purplestarballoon I really hope it's just a phase! Don't know how I will survive the next month though if he keeps refusing to be put down both day and night 😭

Fingers crossed for you xx

Have you tried swaddling him once he’s down in the cot and white noise, to try and encourage him to stay asleep? Also have you tried tilting the cot/Moses basket slightly so that his head is slightly higher than his feet, can help with the reflux?

@JuneWind he's got one of those swaddle sleeping bags where arms stay in - I haven't tried using it during the day though; will give it a go! White noise doesn't do anything I found (tried white noise on YouTube, Alexa and snuz cloud).

Haven't tried reclining the cot - is it safe to do so? NHS page on reflux advises against this!

Mine sleeps well in the arms up swaddle during the night (Love to Dream) although she mostly contact naps during the day (I have just been enjoying the cuddles and haven’t bothered with trying to swaddle during the day but also not getting much done). Your LO might be startling himself and waking up which can be reduced in the swaddle although it’s not a long term solution. He might also be outgrowing the Moses basket and waking himself up if he touches the sides when he waves his arms around. Mine loved her Moses basket for the first 2 months or so but is now much happier in the larger Next to Me crib.

I could have written this myself! My son is also 8 weeks and has reflux. Night time he is really good, so far, we feed him in the dark in our room and then I prop him up on my legs (he is usually pretty sleepy by this point) so he isn’t falling asleep in my arms. I leave him there for 15 mins to stop him being sick in his sleep and then I transfer him to the next to me. My problem is like you, the day time naps! He does not nap well downstairs in the light unless I’m holding him. On occasion I can put him down and he might stay asleep for 5-30 mins max. But something always wakes him up. I’m beginning to wonder if the whole “keep it light and noisy” during the day thing is rubbish because I think he would sleep much better in a dark bedroom. I just worry about him sleeping upstairs alone. I currently spend 3 long stretches per day holding him when he is asleep and it’s so lovely but also sometimes frustrating because I really need to be able to get things done or sleep myself!!!! I’m thinking of putting him in his next to me for naps I think I will need to get black out curtains though and just sack off the light and noisy daytime naps thing cos it just isn’t working ! Someone will ring the doorbell or the dog will bark and wake him. That’s if I even manage to get him down at all! Sorry no tips really other than maybe try the propping him up on your legs in the dark thing that we do at night, he does wriggle for a while but I’m hoping this is teaching him to fall asleep alone as he isn’t cuddled or anything.

I promise the time will come when you can do things again! My baby is now 20 weeks and would only really contact nap on me for weeks and weeks at the start. What changed things for us is when we went camping when she was 13 weeks old. I physically couldn’t hold her for every nap as it wasn’t practical so she HAD to go in the pram, and now she does 90% of her naps in there.

You said your LO hates the pram but I think you should persevere. Even when you feel unbearably tired, go out for walks for YOUR health (mental & physical!). Even if he’s screaming, you need to be out and about. Try feeding him before a walk and he’s more likely to drift off in there. Keep persevering with this - nearly all babies will sleep in the pram! Put him in awake but when you think he’s getting tired and he will fall asleep. Once this has happened a few times, you’ve cracked a new sleeping spot. You can buy a device called the Rockit which jiggles the pram to emulate movement - we use this with lots of success.

Once he’s a bit bigger you can do cosleeping naps. Have you tried a dummy too? This could really help to settle him.

If you can get him used to napping in the pram, you can possibly nap on the sofa yourself when he’s near you - but importantly you need some downtime when you’re not holding him constantly as this will help you feel less exhausted!

I know it sounds maddening but I honestly miss the times she’d nap on me all day! She’s only 12 weeks ahead of your baby but now I can’t put my feet up and watch TV for hours on end…! But, crucially, she’ll sleep in her cot at night and in her pram during the day (or with me for some snuggly naps) so I promise you, there is an end in sight! Good luck 🤗

@moonseas I really hope this phase will end before he turns 18 and goes to uni 🤣 I do take him out every day, in a sling - that is one of the only ways to get him to sleep during the day. We've tried the pushchair so many times, he just can't sleep in there 😭. I can sometimes put him in there when he's already asleep and he will stay asleep for a short while, but only if the road surface is rough enough, think gravel it lots of bumps. But once he's awake, he's awake and won't go back to sleep in the pram. Just scream until I pick him up and I must admit I don't last very long!

@moonseas we've tried a dummy but he just spits it out. Tried 3 different ones (actually got some new ones today) - exactly the same result.

Ah that’s tough! Sending you virtual chocolate and coffee @ocelotka123 ☕️

My HV suggested putting a thin book under the top legs of the cot or Moses basket so she’d be at a slight incline - has to be worth a try! Regardless of what the NHS site says.

Other suggestions I’ve seen on these threads include putting on a tshirt or a muslin down your top for a bit so it smells like you - then stretching it across the mattress and tucking it under so it’s warm and feels like he’s still with you.

Could be worth persevering with the dummy at various times - when he’s tired, or when his feed finishes but he’s still suckling, or when he grizzles. Maybe pop that into your bra too for 10 mins so it’s got your scent on it (I do that!).

Have you joined any mum coffee mornings or baby groups yet? This could be great just for commiserating with other mums in the same situation! It always helps me feel less alone with tricky situations.

Hope it gets better for you soon - and I’m sure you won’t still be holding an 18 year old to sleep in years to come 🤣

@moonseas thank you for all the suggestions! I already stretch my worn T-shirt over his crib mattress - not sure it's helping but no harm I guess so will continue doing that. Will also keep trying the dummy, but I wonder how useful it could actually be as he doesn't generally feed to sleep.. never in daytime anyway.

I do speak to other mums I met at nct classes, some of the babies also struggle with sleep but not quite the same issue! It certainly does help knowing that it's not just me struggling (although it sounds horrible now that I've written it 😅)

At 8 weeks, maternal melatonin wears off and your lovely sleepy baby suddenly becomes much harder to get to sleep.
Contact napping is fine if it’s working for you. However if you would like to be able to to do things or even have a rest while the baby sleeps, then I recommend having a loose routine that builds consistency and confidence for you and your baby.

a nice routine around that age is

5-6am if your baby wakes up, do anything to hold them and keep them asleep until 7am. This is important to set their body clock so you don’t have a toddler waking at 5am.

7am feed, nappy and clothes change, little bit of gentle play

8.30-10am nap

10.30 feed and outing in the buggy for fresh air

12 noon top-up feed
12-2.30pm nap

3pm feed and floor time

4-5pm nap. This one is extremely difficult and you can do it on the go in the buggy or car just to get the sleep in

5.30pm half feed
6pm bath
6.30pm as big a feed as you can
7pm bed

10pm dream feed

overnight feed on demand until 5am then you hold to sleep until 7am

do every single nap and sleep apart from the early morning waking and the late afternoon nap in the same sleeping bag or arms up swaddle, with blackout blinds and white noise. These are sustainable sleep associations.

@LapinR0se thank you for a response! Your routine suggests 3 1-1.5h naps - my baby now does 2 naps a day, first in the morning of around 3-3.5h and one in the afternoon, around 1.5-2h. Should I be waking him up earlier (currently I just wait for him to wake himself up) and trying to do 3 naps as per your suggested routine? Would this help with nighttime sleep? 2 longer naps work for me and I don't have a problem with that, I don't want to fix something that's not broken but happy to try something else if you think 2 longer naps are not a good idea.

We did do 3 shorter naps the other day as we had to be somewhere so had to wake him up, but it didn't make a difference for the nighttime sleep. He was just grumpy from being woken up early and went back to sleep at first opportunity. But as I say, I'm happy to give it a go for a longer period if you think it will help overall!

the routine I posted above has a shorter nap in the morning, a long lunchtime nap of 2.5 hrs (which you keep untIl they are 2 yrs old so worth trying to get into that habit) and the shortest nap of the day in the afternoon. That one goes first so even if you can only manage 30 mins that’s ok.

Google dr Harvey carp 5 S's. My second was just like this. Look after yourself, I know it's torture.

My nearly 5 month old only contact naps too! Always has done. I've come to accept it, and now actually love our naps. I either take him on walks in the carrier or we cosleep on my bed so I can have a little snooze too. He's in the 4 month sleep regression now and needs me to save the naps, he'll wake up after 30 minutes and if I'm there he'll grab my top and nuzzle his face in and go back to sleep, but if I'm not there he'll wake up fully and pissed off!

I would urge you to look into bedsharing safely and @ cosleepy on IG has advice on how to chestsleep safely too (baby on your chest). At your baby's age I had a purflo nest where he slept overnight, the cot had too much space, he liked feeling cosy and when he startled or stretched out he could feel the sides and calm down. I stopped using it when he learned to roll and now he likes having space to move around.

Also to help with acceptance as the sleep thing is what it is and you may or may not be able to find something that works, I found it super helpful to start thinking of myself as a nanny rather than housekeeper. My job is to care for the baby, not do chores, and if I sometimes find the time to do little bits then that's extra. And in ten years you won't regret cuddling your baby and think "I really wish I'd cleaned more!"

This sounds so tough! Have you tried the GP and HV to look at addressing the reflux issue?
Baby might be wanting to be held as they have an uncomfortable tummy or wind/reflux. They will never want to settle in the cot if this is the case.
Good luck xx

Also I would say that 8 weeks is far too young to be put on a schedule. By all means try it but don’t get stressed if it doesn’t work. You may find it a lot less stressful to just go with the flow and follow baby’s cues, feed when hungry and sleep when sleepy. And see if a routine emerges on its own. My almost 5 month old still doesn’t really have a schedule, and trying to get him to nap when he doesn’t want to because the clock says it’s time is pointless waste of time and makes us both cranky.

And it’s super beneficial for babies to be held and carried a lot! It helps with their emotional regulation and supports healthy secure attachment. So if you’re worried about (or relatives are telling you) making him clingy or creating bad habits, that’s utter nonsense, keep hugging that baby!

@GinnyBee thank you for responding. I think I am coming to terms with the fact that I'll have to have him in a sling for naps. I don't try to do lots of housework but I do need to be able to go to the bathroom, have a shower, eat, feed the pets etc! Some of which I can't do while holding the baby and he screams if I put him down for longer than a few mins. He won't stay asleep either if I put him down when he's sleeping. It's really hard some days, like today, when I didn't get much sleep at night (because he kept waking up) and can't catch up on sleep during the day.

He won't cosleep either, I've tried. Unless he's actually on me, but I'm not comfortable with sleeping while he sleeps on me as all I read about it says that this increases SIDS risks massively. I'm not prepared to take that risk.

I find it really bizarre that he sleeps fine in his cot between 8pm and 6am (with wake ups for feeds, nappy change etc), but won't tolerate being there outside of those times. Literally as soon as it hits 6am, he's stirring, grunting and eventually crying. But then fast asleep when picked up and will sleep for another hour or two. I am at a loss as to why this happens!